


Fire Meet Gasoline

by conflictedsunrisez



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Fix-It of Sorts, Future, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Hiatus, Sad and Happy, Teen Romance, Teenage One Direction, The X Factor Era, Time Skips, harry and louis are confusing, harry and louis's lives after the band, larry stylinson - Freeform, skips around from one era to another each chapter but then goes back to an unfinished one, solo careers, switch of pov's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 47,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26323369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conflictedsunrisez/pseuds/conflictedsunrisez
Summary: there will always come a day where two people meet for the very first time.sometimes it's by accidentsometimes it's fatebut when two people get torn apart there is no telling what will happenin a story of five young boys just trying to make a name for themselves, two of them find a home in each other without even knowing it. The only question is, will love conquer all?when fire meet gasoline
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 40
Kudos: 54





	1. chapter one

**X Factor audition day-past**

**-third person-**

There were many days Louis sat on the couch in the middle of his living room dreaming about the day he would be able to show the world his voice. He had only ever performed in front of his family and some of his mates but today is the day that everything changes, he's auditioning for the X Factor.

He was the lead singer in a band called The Rouge but they only really ever performed little venues in nearby coffee houses and parks. Sadly the other band mates didn't want to audition so Louis was doing this all solo.

"Louis! Are you ready to get going?" Jay, Louis mom, yelled from the kitchen. His mom had always supported him through and through, even when Louis didn't feel like he deserved it. He had always had issues with confidence and how he saw himself but he never seemed to feel that way when he was on stage whether it was for theater or singing with his mates

"Louis! We have to get going now or else we're going to be late" Jay shouted once more

"I'm working on it mom!" Louis shouted back from his room with a bit of sass

Louis made his way down the steps to the front door where his mom was waiting for him. She froze only for a second to look at him before opening the door and walking towards the car.

He was unbelievably nervous, this was the first competition he was in since Battle of the Bands a couple months back but even that wasn't as big as this one. Battle of the Bands definitely made his life a lot more confusing, he had met someone, a boy.

His name was Harry, Harry Styles. He was in an opposing band called White Eskimo, they were exceptional but his voice stood out among them all. He was 16 but had the face of a 12 year old, curly long brown hair, sparkly green eyes, and a nice little body

Louis was drawn to him the moment they found each others gaze backstage and telling that they snogged after it was all over, he did too. They had kept in contact ever since that day, off and on texting but they mostly spoke on the phone till obscene hours of the night.

He had always been attracted to girls, his first crush was a girl, his first relationship was with a girl, and his first kiss was with a girl. After kissing Harry that day he still hasn't figured out how he feels but he did know in that moment that he felt a different way for him than he did any of his past girlfriends.

"You ready Lou?" Jay asked softly as they creeped up the line

"I think so" He breathed out before stepping up to the table full of numbers. He stood there answering the questions that he was being asked before he was handed his number

"155204 is your number good luck lad" The women at the table spoke with a smile

"Thank you" He nodded as he stepped out of the line and into the huge waiting area. As he walked into the studio all he could do was just admire it in all it's glory. He was in such a trance that he couldn't hear his name being called from across the room.

"Louis? Lou!" He heard as he snapped out of his stare. He looked around him to see a curly lad walking over to him with a confused look on his face.

"Harry?" He laughed as he realized the boy in front of him was the same one he was on the phone with that previous night

"The hell are you doing here!" Harry asked before pulling him into a huge hug

"I'm auditioning silly" Louis laughed as they pulled away from one another. He looked down to see Harry sporting a pinned on piece of paper.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me you were too?!" He added with a scoff while pointing down at the number on his shirt

"I was embarrassed" Harry mumbled as he looked down at his shoes. At this point Lou and Harry had traveled away from their families and sat on one of the couches near the door

"Why were you embarrassed this is so cool" He said trying to push down his nerves while also trying to not get lost in his sparkling green eyes. Our eyes complemented each other, when bright blue met soft green it was just the perfect combination.

"You're really pretty" Harry spoke out not even answering the question that floated in the air. Louis put a questioning look on his face while a tiny smile began to form

"You look like no one has ever said those words to you before" Harry chuckled while studying Louis's face

Louis looked down to his feet almost ashamed to admit that those words had indeed never been spoken to him

"Because they haven't" He finally slipped out as his cheeks tinted a rosy shade of red

"You're kidding!" Harry gasped looking disgusted at the fact that no one had ever told him that in his 18 years of life. Louis stayed silent so Harry knew the answer to his open question

Harry let out a small chuckle before standing up off the couch with a devious look on his face

"You're pretty! You're pretty! You're pretty! You Louis Tomlinson are beautiful! Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty-" He yelled dancing around gaining stares from the other acts and their families around them

"Harry shush people are staring! Harry!" Louis cut the dancing boy off with a laugh. They both stood there laughing before Harry started again

"Pretty! You're so pretty, handsome, beautiful, gor-" He began before he was greeted with Lou's cold hands over his mouth

"Shhhh Harry! Stop!" Louis barely got out as they grew into their laughing fit. Harry's hand had fallen onto Louis side to support the way he was standing in front of him as they caught each others eyes. Louis had glanced down to Harry's lips for a millisecond before being cut off by a loud man shouting numbers

"Numbers 155200, 155201, 155202, 155203, and 155204 please follow me!" He yelled over the megaphone.

At this point Louis and Harry had pulled away from each others grasp and Louis began looking for his mother in the crowd of other acts. He felt really giddy, he had a lot of energy and he didn't quite understand why. This was the first time Harry and him had met in person since Battle of The Bands and he was shocked at the fact that they just clicked like they had met years and years ago.

"Good luck Louis, I'll be rooting for you out there" Harry smiled as he sat himself in front of the TV screening the current act

"Thank you Harry Styles" Louis chuckled as his mom trailed behind him

"Harry Styles? Why my full name?" He asked as his eyebrows furrowed at the boy

"I don't know... it just feels more, you know, genuine" He answered while sporting his beaming smile.

With that Louis walked through the doors and was taken backstage to wait for his turn on the main stage leaving Harry alone in a full room with only the feeling of his hand on Louis's waist and his thoughts

-

"Everyone gather around for me real quick we have a message from the judges" One of the stage hands yelled gathering the flood of acts that just got cut or were still waiting for their final decision.

Harry and Louis didn't want to leave but sadly they both had to.

"The judges would like to see the following people back on stage, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson " He read off as Louis stood there in shock.

Louis and Harry locked eyes for a second with a confused look on their faces before following the other lads back to the stage. As they stood in front of the judges they saw a group of girls come out from the other side of the stage

"Hello, Thank you so much for coming back... I know judging by your faces that this is really hard. We've thought long and hard about it and we thought about each of you as individuals and feel like you're all just to talented to let go of. We think it would be a great idea...to have two separate groups" Nicole went on before being stopped by Simon's deep voice getting to the point

"We've decided to put you both on to the judges houses" He spoke into the microphone starting a frenzy on the stage and off the stage

Everyone started going crazy, Harry fell to the ground crying and Niall jumped for joy. Louis, Liam and Zayn all stumbled around the stage in shock before being pulled into a group hug

As the judges began talking again everyone huddled together still trying to process that their lives would be changing from this day on. Niall, Liam and Louis were in the front leaving Harry and Zayn behind them

"Can I do this" Harry whispered to Louis as he set his chin on Louis shoulder with beaming his wide smile. Louis didn't mind, how could he? Harry Styles is laying his head on his shoulder

In front of everyone.

"I don't mind" Louis spoke quietly returning a huge grin while trying to focus on what the judges were saying

Louis kind of tuned out what the judges said because he was just too entranced by Harry and his sparkly green eyes. Louis would be spending weeks with these guys learning more about them and performing with them but all he could think about was Harry.

Harry.

He would be spending weeks on end with Harry.

He didn't know how to feel, he was scared that something would come out or he would mess something up. Why was he feeling this way? They were just friends, right? This is how friends acted...

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so as you may have seen in the tags this was written on wattpad and is currently still in development.  
> I'm using ao3 sort of like my trial run to see if people like it  
> so tell me what you think
> 
> (I only have 6 completed chapters right now but I am working on more as we speak)
> 
> enjoy!


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2012 era- past

**2012 era- past**

**-third person and Lou's pov-**

when two people care about each other so much to the point where they never want to put the other through something that would hurt them

you know that it's more than just a simple infatuation

it's a forever love

but sometimes love doesn't last

Louis hasn't yet come to terms with that yet. Hurting harry was the worst thing he's ever done and he still doesn't forgive himself for agreeing to do it in the first place. The group of Modest! pigs that made him don't know what pain they caused.

they ruined them both

"Haz-..harry um you need to get up" I spoke as I choked on the nickname that was no longer allowed in my vocabulary. Even though Harry and I were not on the best terms we still had to share a room when in hotels because it was apparently a lot "easier"

This was obviously very hard, we were friendly towards one another but it couldn't mask what we were being forced to do. It was tearing us both apart and we knew it but we refused to bite the bullet and talk about it

we'd always been so damn stubborn

"Not getting up" Harry groaned while pulling the covers over his head. He's never been a great person to be in bed with because he's always tired

and I mean that in both ways

"C'mon Harry you have to we have a huge press day and I got bagels from downstairs." I said trying to coax him out of bed with the bread

"What type" He mumbled pulling his blanket down so only his mouth was visible. Harry loved blueberry bagels so I of course got him one but I accidentally dropped it off at one of the other lads rooms so he's not going to be to happy with me

"Salted with cream cheese, I also picked you up some coffee" I mumbled before backing away from the bed with a scared feeling I was going to get a pillow launched at my head

"They didn't have any blueberry" I lied as some sort of damage control

But he was calm. No pillow throwing, or wanting to go argue with the chefs, or angrily typing his Panera ubereats order into his phone. He was completely silent.

"You didn't put any cream in it" Harry said glancing over his shoulder to the coffee. He didn't like milk in his coffee, he never had.

"You don't like milk in your coffee" I spoke furrowing my eyebrows at him with a frown

"Right" He mumbled as he got up and went straight to the bathroom without another word

Why is he acting so weird? We're usually ok when we talk alone. I heard his music turn on which told me that he had gotten in the shower so I grabbed my key card and headed down stairs to see if the lads were in the meeting room

Harry had always been quiet when we first met but he eventually came out of his shell and since then he had never shut up...till the contract. The stupid fucking contract ruined everything, us, our friendship, our relationship, our plans for the future...it was all taken away from us as teenagers.

I walked past the breakfast cart to see one singular bagel on the tray...a blueberry one. I grabbed the bagel and one little creamer and bolted back up to the room to make sure harry was still in the shower

"Lou what the hell are you doing?" Zayn said as he bumped shoulders with Louis on the staircase

"I uh...forgot something, be down in a sec!" I yelled as I continued up the stairs to the room

I heard him mumble something before I reached the last step but I couldn't understand it whatsoever. I slipped my key card into the door when I heard the shower still running and switched the salted bagel out with the blueberry one. I grabbed a note sheet from the bedside table and wrote a little note

"I found this on the cart, it was the last one. I brought you a creamer if you really want it...we'll be in the meeting room downstairs -love lou"

I stared at the note for a second before scribbling out the "love" because I didn't want to make it seem awkward or forced. I set it on the bed with the coffee and bagel and slowly made my way to the door

"Shit I forgot my key card" I mumbled as I looked around the room for where I placed it last. At this point I was pushing my luck because the water had turned off and Harry always got dressed in the actual room itself, never the bathroom.

I found it under the note pad by the bedside table and began to make my way to the door

creek

It was the bathroom door.

I reached for the door handle trying to ignore the fact that I knew his eyes were glued to the back of me. I caved and glanced back at him looking at the array of things on the bed...he looked back around and caught my glance.

I just smiled at him and made my way out of the room. As the door drifted shut I made my way down the hallway before being stopped by the calling of my name.

It was harry.

He was in only a towel so my eyes couldn't help but trail down his face and onto his torso. He was truly a beautiful creature

"Thank you Lou" He said pulling me into a hug. This was surprising...we hadn't hugged, just the two of us, in a long long time.

"Anytime haz- Harry" I cleared my throat as we pulled apart. We got lost in each others glance and in that moment we both saw how hurt we were...it was in our eyes.

We stood there in silence just staring at each other before I nodded and began to back away

"I'm sorry" I spoke quietly with a shaky tone. I turned around and ran back down the stairs before he could say anything in return. I couldn't bare to hear it.

It hurt me to see the pain in his eyes but I knew it took a lot out of him to call after me. He was always keeping everything in these days...I hated it.

I hated seeing him this way.

As Louis made his way to meeting room with the rest of the lads Harry was left with his thoughts in the tiny hotel room. He thought about talking to Louis in the past but could never bring himself to do it. The contract broke them both, they knew it, everyone around them knew it, but nothing could be done...it wasn't up to them.

The universe tears people apart sometimes and he just had to accept that...but he couldn't. Being with Louis made him unbearably happy, he made all of his fears melt away, he made him feel beautiful.

That was always the thing with them...ever since they met they always made sure that the other felt beautiful in their own skin. Losing that feeling of safety and love broke them, broke them to the point of not being able to speak to each other about it.

-

"Who is Larry Stylinson?" Ryan asked suspiciously. The crowd remained silent waiting for one of the lads to answer

"Friend of ours" Niall mumbled with a chuckle.

Everyone sat there for a moment in hesitation before being asked again

"Who is he, tell me about him" Ryan added with a grin. No one knew he was going to ask this question, especially because people in interviews weren't usually allowed to ask about that.

"That..- that..is a um- conspiracy/fanfaction that is made up between me and harry" I spoke out before being cut off by the the cheering and whistling being done by the audience.

"Oh ok, spell it out for us will you?" Ryan asked curiously. I was trying to think of something to say while praying and hoping that the hurt in my voice doesn't show

"It's just basically saying that me and Harry and together and that my girlfriend isn't real" I chuckled to try to seem truthful and to my understanding it worked.

"Oh I didn't know it was that serious of a thing I thought it was just a joke" He laughed out glancing down at his note card of questions

"No no the fans are really persistent with it" I forced a laugh as we moved on to a different question.

That relaxation didn't last very long before we were shown what the fans called "video proof" that Larry Stylinson was real. We sat there awkwardly as we were being questioned, I would even say, interrogated by Ryan while the videos played in the background. It was taking everything in me to hold back an outburst, I just wanted to scream out to the world and cry.

After the interview everyone went back to their dressing rooms, except me. I traveled towards the bathrooms and found myself sat on the navy blue couch by the sink. I rested my head between my knees and just sobbed but no tears came out...I felt numb.

"Louis what the hell are you doing in here we're leaving soon- Lou? what's wrong" A voice spoke

"Harry?" I mumbled pulling my head up from my knees

Liam...

"Lou...I'm sorry man" He said sitting beside me with a hand on my shoulder. I was disappointed not to see Harry walk through the doors but I knew Liam would be able to make me feel better

"Liam I can't do it any longer...it's breaking me apart! I don't feel anything anymore, ever!"I cried out. Liam looked at me with a sorry look before looking down at his shoes with a sigh

"I'm breaking...I love him! I always fucking have! But all these feelings that I've been pushing down until I can't feel anything anymore...they're-they're becoming harder and harder to deny. I know we're going to be a band for many more years and I don't think I'll be able to last that long, I can't do this anymore" I rambled on with only one breath

"Louis WIlliam Tomlinson don't you ever say that you can't do anything anymore you'll scare me!" He snapped making sure to reach me

"I'm sorry Lou...I know this has been really hard for you and trust me if it was me in your shoes I wouldn't know how to bear it. The only advice I can give you is I think you need to follow your heart. The contract will always be there and you know that but it's your life and if you listen to some stupid sheet of paper for the rest of it, you'll never be happy" he added as he put both of his hands on my shoulders

"Thank you Lima" I said with a laugh. I wiped my tears and followed Liam out of the bathroom and out through the back doors to the car

"Where the hell have you two been!? I've been looking all over" Paul yelled as we got into the car

"We were having um- a little heart to heart" Liam explained as the car started. My eyes drifted to the drivers seat where harry was but slowly drifted back down to my feet

"Yeah just a little pick me up chat you know how it is" I spoke as a tear trickled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it before looking back up with a smile

I looked up to see a pair of eyes staring at me in the rear view mirror

Harry...

He looked down quickly but then met my glance a second time...all I could see was pain and I knew that's all he saw in mine

pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second chapter I hope you guys liked it
> 
> the next chapter is going to be like 2014 era with like a more in depth explanation of what has happened from 2012 to then.
> 
> but if you haven't caught on yet this story does take place in multiple years sort of like a flashback and then present type thing 
> 
> but 2020 will be in here so look forward to that
> 
> love y'all :)


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2014 era-past

**2014 era-past**

**third person and louis's pov**

"Harry I can't do this anymore! I know we said that we liked being friends again and that we liked being able to still talk to one another but it's killing me. I don't think I can call you a friend anymore...I will always think of you as something else." I cried out from the other side of the tour bus

I paced around before making my way to the couches at the front. I made sure the drivers curtain was closed even though I knew it wouldn't have made any difference in how loud I was being.

"Lou you have to quiet down you're going to wake the lads" Harry spoke softly. He was sat on the couch opposite of me with his knees up in his chest...he never liked it when we argued.

"I don't care anymore haz! At this point the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of being free. Nothing else matters...it's the band and you...my family, that's it so who cares if they hear" I spoke a bit louder than I intended to

"You don't think I don't feel that way too?! I wake up everyday haunted by the ghost of you, I feel your breath on my neck and you hands running through my hair. I still remember being young and feeling your lips on mine...don't you dare think I've forgotten about us." He spat out as a tear dripped down his cheek while I sat there in silence

"And don't you remember!? You're the one who left me...you signed the contract and left me in the dust. I sat in my room or in my bunk every night just wondering to myself, what did I do wrong that made him leave me, what could I have done better. I blamed myself for everything...everything you did" He added breathlessly

"haz you knew what the contract was about" I mumbled softly making sure not to set him off

"I knew about it but I didn't know what would come of it. Eleanor, all of the pr stunts, the ignoring me. I know I ignored you too but I had the right to, you left me with little to no explanation and I hate it because...I don't hate you, how could I?" He cried out. I sighed and pulled my knees to my chest and just shook my head.

Harry stood up from the couch and walked over to me with a stern look but somehow he looked drained...he was tired and I was keeping him up by going back and forth with him.

"Take me back to the night we met" He breathed out quietly. He looked quite serious as he stood above me.

"The hell are you talking about?" I questioned as my eyebrows furrowed at him. I stood up to meet his glance and started to get lost in his sparkly green eyes before he took a deep breath and answered.

"Take me back to the night we met" He repeated stepping closer to me so only a penny could fit between the two of us.

I shook my head with a confused look on my face and stood there gazing into his eyes.

"Kiss me you fool!" He mocked with a laugh. Before I could get a word out he grabbed my chin and directed my face up to him as he collided his lips with mine. It felt like how Jack felt when he first saw Rose in The Titanic or when Daniel first saw Alli in The Karate Kid. It felt like we were kids again..

"Woah...we haven't done that in a while" I whispered once we separated

"1 year, 115 days, 14 hours and....12 minutes" Harry said with a chuckled.

Always a smartass...

"You're a dork...honestly such a dweeb" I laughed putting my head on his broad shoulder. Sometimes I was angry that he had grown taller than me but I did feel safe in the grasp of his strong arms.

"You love me" He chuckled out before noticing what he had just said. He let his hands slowly slide down off my waist and onto his sides before taking a deep breath and looking down at his feet.

"Of course I do...I never stopped" I smiled before pulling him into a kiss

This kiss was slow at first but it slowly roughened as it went on. It was full of lust and longing from all the years we were forced apart. At this point Harry was sat on the couch and I was straddled on his lap making sure we weren't being to loud.

"I want you" Harry spoke huskily into my ear.

"I know you do but not here...not yet" I whispered back to him. I trailed kisses down his neck and by his collarbone giving him a cheeky little hickey where I knew his shirt would cover it

"Always a tease" He laughed pulling my chin back up to meet his lips once again.

It had been so long since I had felt his warmth that i'd grown cold.

"My hazza" I mumbled continuing to trail kisses down his neck. He chuckled before picking me up by my thighs and set me down making sure my feet were safely on the ground. He held me close to his heart before kissing the top of my head

"You're so tiny" He laughed knowing it would make me squirm. I hated being called small, i'm not sure why but it just agitated me.

"I'm not tiny" I stepped away from him "You do remember that I was always the one who checked us into hotel rooms and when we were in the X Factor house I always had to get your shoes down from the top of the closet because you couldn't reach them" I spoke with an angered tone

"And oh don't forget that i'm the one that tops-" I added with a smirk before being cut off by a hand over my mouth

"Louis Tomlinson! We are on a tour bus with our band mates...they will hear you!" Harry gasped with a smile

"They've heard worse" I said with a wink. Harry shook his head and started to walk away with a cheesy smile plastered on his face.

"Nope nope nope nope" He said plugging his ears. He made is way back over to me and slid his arms around me as we swayed side to side

"But on a real note haz what are we going to do about this, I don't think we cant tell anyone" I breathed out with my head resting on his shoulder

"That would probably be the safest bet, not even the lads?" He questioned while he ran his fingers through my hair

"I don't think so" I sighed looking back up at him

We stood there for a while looking into each others eyes like we knew what was going through the others head at that time. The consequences would be harsh if we got caught and we both knew that but it was worth each others warmth and love.

"I'm so sorry" I spoke quietly. He looked down at me then hugged me tighter when he noticed the tear dripping down my cheek

"I know you are, I'm sorry that you thought the need to accept it" He spoke lovingly

"I wish I could have shown you how much I fought" I cried out with the little air I had left in my lungs. At this point I was covering my mouth to prevent my loud sobs from being heard by the other boys...Harry took note of this and pulled me even closer.

"Shhh darling...shhhhhh it's ok" He whispered while rubbing my neck to calm me down. I smiled at the nickname that was used between the two of us back in 2010

"We both need to get some sleep and pray that no one heard a thing" He whispered into the nape of my neck. I stared into his dreamy green eyes and almost fell dead right then and there, his grassy green eyes were one of the things I loved about him...they're perfect...he's perfect.

I poked his dimple and walked towards the row of bunks before feeling a strong hand on my shoulder turning me back around. Harry planted one last kiss on my lips and on my forehead before following me down the hallway

"Goodnight hazza" I mouthed before crawling into the tiny space that was my bunk. He smiled at me fondly then planted one final kiss on my hand.

"Goodnight lou" he mouthed back before closing my curtain and making his way up to his bunk kiddy corner to mine.

I sat there for a while drowning in my own thoughts before smiling at myself and thinking "God I've missed this" because I have. I had been dreaming about this day for years...and it had finally come.

Thoughts of freedom traced my mind for only a second before I pushed them back down...I couldn't say anything and I knew that. If anyone found out or even said a word it would be over for us...back to the silence and hurt, back to our aching souls.

that was what broke us and I never want to go through that again

I wouldn't wish it upon my greatest enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so heres the 3rd chapter
> 
> this was more of an informational chapter because you will need to know some of this for the next chapter
> 
> which will finally be 2020/the present
> 
> Also if you didn't notice this chapter had some song lyrics sprinkled into it including
> 
> Fearless by Louis Tomlinson
> 
> The Night We Met by Lord Huron
> 
> and i'm not sure if there were anymore that I didn't catch and just put in there by accident but yeah
> 
> love y'all


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2020-present

third person, harry's pov,-

Breaking news: Ex one direction star/singer songwriter announces engagement to long time girlfriend Eleanor Calder

"Of course he did...Of course you did!" I yelled at the top of my lungs as I launched my remote at the TV. Luckily, it slid right past the actual screen and slammed into the wall before falling onto the ground.

You know what...I don't care. He's not with me anymore and he's truly in love with her so I'm happy for him. 

But I couldn't quite grasp that and it broke me even more every time I thought about it. If you told me 10 years ago that Louis was getting married and it wasn't to me...I'd call you a liar. 

I would be lying if I said that the thought of Louis marrying someone else never crossed my mind but I would have never thought it would be to Eleanor. Back then I was stupidly in love with him and I didn't even stop to think about us breaking up, 10 years later and he's getting married to the women who was once just a "PR stunt".

So now my best friend is getting married and i'm not even sure I'll even be invited and if I do,

I'll just be sitting in the audience watching the love of my life marry the love of his.

-about a week later-

I sat on my bed staring at the blankness of the wall just thinking about Louis's wedding and how I would be in the same room with his friends and family, who I once called my own, in a matter of days.

Ever since the band broke up I've been having these weird days, "Bad days" I call them. They usually consist of me not having any energy to do much, not eating, staying in my room, and not answering any calls from management. I just fall into a depression and barely make it out of it each time, that's where Lou came in...he always found a way to make me feel better.

I made my way out of my room knowing I had to go downstairs to check my mail which I hadn't checked in weeks. I slipped on my Gucci slippers and walked down my steps to the front door and popped open my mailbox on the side of the wall. I skimmed through all the envelopes until I came across a tiny little red one.

It was from Louis

Well Louis and Eleanor I should say

I opened it up slowly as I trotted back inside to the safety of my room and sat on the edge of my bed before staring at it for an unhealthy amount of time. I eventually mustered up the courage and opened up the neatly folded letter.

"If you are reading this letter, Hi. This is going out to all of the lads, Zayn, Niall, Liam, and Harry to inform you all of your spot in Eleanor and I's wedding. You will all be my groomsmen (if you choose to accept) and I will not be having a best man. We will be having a rehearsal dinner on December 19th from 6pm to 8pm before the actual ceremony on the 22nd. If you are able to come simply just show up to the venue which is found at 264 Royal Dr, London. See you then lads"

264 Royal Dr.

Princess Park Manor

He's getting married at Princess Park Manor...under the stars.

and the person he's marrying isn't me, the person who lived with him in Princess Park, the person who his song "Habit" was written about, the person who he promised he was going to get married to under the stars, the person who gave him the idea of getting married at Princess Park.

I had already been scared about seeing Louis face to face but now I have to go to the one place that shaped my entire life watching the person who was once my entire life get married. It was a walking thought in mind and I knew It wasn't going to go away any time soon.

ding

What the hell

ding

Who is texting me

"Happy rehearsal dinner day lads! Excited to see you all :)" 

Shit shit shit shit shit what day is it?!

December 19th...of course it is

and it's 4:30 pm...I slept through the day

Thank fuck i'm in London

I ran to my closet and rummaged through it trying to find a nice outfit even if it's just for a rehearsal dinner. I grabbed a white collared shirt as a under layer then picked up my blue knitted sweater with a cute little chicken on it and grabbed some dull army green trousers. I put everything on as fast as I could almost like it was my own wedding I was late for.

I combed my hair back real quick, slipped my shoes on and made my way out the door and into my car.I wasn't even sure if I was going to make it on time but I just need to focus on not messing up or saying something stupid at this point.

-

"Harryyyyy" Niall yelled from across the room. Niall was always the one who I had kept in contact with no matter what, I always talked to Liam but not as often as I spoke to Nialler.

"Hiya niall" I smiled at him as I let my eyes trail the room until they settled on Eleanor in her little black dress. I always found it cool when brides wore black dresses for their rehearsal dinners as a symbol of being renewed or some shit. 

But seeing her as the bride sent a wave of sadness over me and I just knew when I saw Louis as the groom that something inside me would break.

"Where are the others?" I asked trying to shut off the many things flowing through my mind

"Uh Liam and Louis are back there somewhere looking for more cups and Zayn...hasn't shown up yet" He coughed out nervously before taking another sip of his water

"You wanna go say hi to the lads" He added trying to cut the awkwardness from the room

"I-uh...um- I'm gonna go to the bathroom but I'll be there...after" I spoke backing away while shooting little finger guns at him

Finger guns? Really cool Harry real fucking cool

I walked over to the bathroom and slid my back down the door once it shut. I just needed a breather before walking down the aisle arm in arm with one of El's bridesmaids as a groomsman. In a matter of minutes Louis would be standing at the end of the makeshift aisle watching me walk down it and I wouldn't be joining hands with him...it just didn't settle well with me.

I sat up and cooled my nerves before heading out into the main room. I was greeted by the twins who were being shockingly normal...like nothing ever happened. It was definitely odd since I hadn't talked to either of them in years, in fact I hadn't talked to any of Lou's family members in years.

"Harry!" Liam shouted opening his arms wide for a hug. I went in for the hug but the only thing my eyes focused on was the small figure standing behind him.

Louis.

Him and all his glory. 

I coughed before spitting out my reply

"Heyy Liam! What's up?" I replied with a forced grin. All my mind could drift to was him...but hey what's new.

"Not much...uh just happy to be here" I smiled putting two thumbs up at him

Again Harry with the weird hand gestures

"Not as happy as I am" A voice spoke from the door. It was a familiar voice but it was one that I hadn't heard in quite a bit

"Zayn? Oh my god Zayn! I can't believe you're actually here!" Louis spoke running over to the tall man.

"C'mon man you really thought I'd miss your wedding?!" He questioned with a laugh

"You know what don't answer that" He added with a guilty look on his face. It was almost like at that moment his mind flashed back to all the shit he said all those years ago. We couldn't blame it all on him though...it was a group ordeal.

"It's good to see you man" I walked up to him with my hand held out almost showing him that we were at peace. A smile beamed across his face as he pulled me into a bear hug just like when we were kids.

Everyone mingled around a little bit before being cut off by the high pitched noise of a knife hitting a glass. Louis and Eleanor stood at the front of the main hall in their matching attire beaming at all of the friends and family that they invited to their rehearsal dinner.

"Thank you all for being here tonight we really appreciate it but if you don't mind i'm just going to cut straight to the point so no one get's bored out of their minds before the actual wedding . Groomsman over on my side, Bridesmaid on El's side and everyone else please make your way into the event hall and we'll just run through what will happen on the 22nd" Louis spoke loudly for everyone to hear

Harry and Louis stood on the same side of the room only exchanging secret glances while Eleanor assigned duos. Harry was assigned to walk down the aisle with Lottie since she was one of El's bridesmaids...he didn't mind it, it was just that this was actually happening and it wasn't just a dream

Once everyone got in line Louis made his way down to the end of the aisle and stood in front of the "priest" who was really just a friend of El's taking up the space for effect. Harry and Lottie were last in line so they were the last group that everyone would be seeing before El and her father come into view.

The first groups walked down until it was finally Harry and Lottie's turn to walk. Harry smiled at all of the lads from the start of the aisle before accidentally meeting Louis's eyes. 

They grew soft and watery but the fact that he was crying before his own fiancee came down the aisle caught the attention of many people, including the boys. Harry looked down before meeting Louis glance once again.

Harry's eyes began to water before quickly taking in a breath of air as he put on a fake smile and joined the rest of the guys on Louis's side. 

"I'm sorry haz" Niall whispered into my ear. He gave me an empathetic smile before turning back to the where Louis and Eleanor were standing.

Louis looked over at me as a tear dripped down his cheek before quickly looking back at Eleanor and joining hands with her. 

He looked back again

Millions of things were twirling through my mind, was I overthinking this?, It's not that hard to look over at someone, maybe he was just fidgety, or maybe he was just making sure I was watching him practice being wed to someone other than me out of spite.

"Eleanor, Do you take Louis as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?" The "priest" asked with a smile

"I do" She smiled at him

"Now Louis Do you take Eleanor as your lawful wife to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?" The priest asked once again

I locked my eyes onto the back of Louis's head before preparing myself to hear the next words that would be coming out of his mouth. I saw his eyes glance over to me before he put on a smile and sighed

"I do" He mumbled out

With that everyone cheered before walking back to the main hall for the little dinner that they had planned. I quickly walked in front of everyone and went straight for my car, I just couldn't bare seeing them being wed...and this was just the rehearsal.

I slumped down in my seat and sat my head on the steering wheel before letting out a quiet sob. 

It was quiet and peaceful but my sobs drowned out the silence.

I heard the passenger door open but I didn't have the energy to lift my head up to see who it was. They took a deep sigh and pulled their legs up to their chest, it was a mannerism I had grown to know, a mannerism I had once trailed with my naked eye.

My eyes trailed up to the figures body and up to their lips...then their eyes

their ocean blue eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here's the first present chapter
> 
> I hope you all liked it
> 
> much love


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2010-pre contract era

**2010-past (pre contract era)**

**_third person, harry's pov_ **

I'm in love with Louis Tomlinson.

does he know?

not at all

am I going to tell him?

probably not

We've always been the best of friends so there was always that one horrible thought in the back of my mind that if I told him then it would ruin everything. What we have is special and we both knew that but I could never figure out if it was more than just a friendship.

His ocean blue eyes and his shiny brown hair overtook me...all of me, my mind, my actions, my body, and my emotions. I knew it wasn't normal from the day I met him at the Battle of the bands when our lips collided for the first time.

Since then, we have had some interactions that..um...I guess you could say have some parallels but it's nothing,

We're nothing...

"Haz, haz, haz , haz, hazza, haz, hazza" Louis said jumping up and down in front of me. There was a sparkle in his eye, like a kid in a candy store.

"What what what?" I laughed at him as he ran around the room like a little toddler

"I just saw a squirrel take Liam's sandwich off the table when he wasn't looking" He cackled falling down onto the floor.

"And he's still looking for it! Like a dumbass!" He added continuing in his fit of laughter. He quickly got up from the ground, took my hand and ran over to the window.

We crouched down under the windowsill and poked our heads up to see Liam continuing his search for the mysterious missing sandwich. While Louis and I were laughing at the confused Liam he yanked his head up and glared at us.

"Did one of you assholes take my sandwich?!" He growled walking towards us. We ran as fast as we could through building hand and hand in a burst of laughter

"Louis if you don't tell me who did it I will pour this bottle of seltzer on Harry's head" He added as we slowly noticed we were being cornered

"You wouldn't!" Louis gasped stepping in front of me. 

"Oh I would" He threatened while splashing me with a bit of the seltzer. Louis glared at him with a devious chuckled before yelling out and charging him with his own bottle of seltzer

"You're fucked lima...absolutely fucked!" He yelled pouring the whole bottle on his head. Liam chuckled before pouring all of the seltzer on Lou's head.

We chased each other around with the bottles before gaining the attention of Zayn and Niall who were recording in the studio. They quickly joined as we all ran through the house soaking each other with a mixture of seltzer and water.

"Hey hey hey! No! No water fights inside!" Paul shouted walking in the front door. Paul, our security guard was definitely more like our father when it came to shutting down our antics

"You guys are cleaning this up you know" He added with a glare

"Yeah we know we know" Liam sighed before grabbing the paper towel and throwing it Paul's face. Liam knew he messed up, I saw it in his eyes...he looked like he had just witnessed a murder.

"You're lucky you're still a kid Liam" Paul growled with a chuckled

"Love you too Paul" Liam said with a snarky tone

As Paul went back down to the basement we all cleaned up the mess and made our way up to our rooms for the night. Since we were at our new house in London we all had our separate rooms but we all usually found a way into the guest rooms with the bunks.

We had all grown really close since the X Factor so being apart from one another was really weird for us. On some days you would find three of the lads in the bunk room and the other two in my assigned room...

"I'm going to head to the bathroom...um I'll be back in a minute" I told the lads before turning my head to Louis and eyeing him for a split second. I turned down the hallway and walked straight into the bathroom leaving the door cracked only a tiny bit with hope that Louis got the hint

We always had little moments together but we never truly spoke about them. I mean yeah we had had conversations about it and told each other that we never regretted anything but it just didn't show, you know?

I sat on sink crossing my fingers that Louis would be coming through the door to see me. Seeing him makes my day a whole lot brighter, it always has.

"Hazza" Lou whispered shutting the door quietly

"What was the excuse this time?" I smirked

"I'm recording right now" He chuckled setting his palms on my thighs. Even though I was still sat on the sink Louis and I were at eye level with one another. The boy had always been taller than me but now that I've been growing I'm slowly getting even with him.

"Oh really? What's the song called?" I questioned sarcastically. He scoffed at me with a smile before gazing into my eyes

"Kiss me" He spoke out before letting his lips meet mine. 

"I'm not sure that's a very good song title...maybe you should reth-" I joked as I pulled away slightly. He cut me off with a cute little chuckle before putting his lips back onto mine.

"You're such a dork" He spoke quietly smiling into the kiss. We both just smiled and whispered things to each other before being cut off by a knock on the door.

"Harry hurry up mate I have to pee" Zayn groaned continuing to knock

"Uh- I...go to the other one, i'm gonna be in here for a while" I spoke out trying my hardest not to let out a laugh. I looked over at Louis who had his hands covering his mouth as if he was holding in a whole comedy movie.

"Gross but ok" He laughed out before stepping away from the door. 

Louis and I looked at each other as we tried to hold in our laughter...but we weren't succeeding

"Shhhh, if we kiss then we'll stop laughing" He giggled pressing his lips onto mine once again. 

We always had to sneak around when we wanted to be intimate and I hated it. The rest of the guys had already picked up on some things but I don't think they know all of what we've been doing. We have had many talks about if we should tell them or not but we've never gone through with it even if the answer was yes.

"Ok now go before they get suspicious" Louis spoke while pulling away

"Noooo" I pouted at him

"Yessss" He said pushing me towards the door

"Fine you meanie" I pouted once again as I made my way to the door

"Oh wait!" He whispered loudly

"Look under your pillow" He added with a smile.

He frowned sarcastically before wrapping his arms around me and hugging me from behind. I checked around the corner to see if anyone could see me coming out of the bathroom before heading to the room. At first glance I thought all of the guys were asleep but I soon noticed Liam, who was on twitter. As Louis entered the room he smiled at me before glancing down at my pillow and walking to his bunk.

I slipped my hand under my pillow to see a white little note card with what looked like morse code on it 

" .. ._.. _ _ _ ..._ . _._ _ _ _ _ .._ "

Obviously I had no clue what this meant but Louis being Louis really didn't care. I pulled out my phone and searched up "morse code alphabet picture" before sitting up and meeting Louis's eyes.

With a random pencil I found stuffed by the side of my bed I wrote down every letter that I found.

I l o 

I flipped over onto my stomach and turned my brightness down before finishing the rest.

I l o v e

I gave a questioning look to myself and then glanced to Louis's bunk to see him sleeping peacefully.

I l o v e y o u

I marveled at the card for a bit before double checking each letter making sure I was reading it right. Louis was always a romantic so I wasn't fazed by it but it was just the fact that we have always written it down when speaking about each other but we had never said it out loud

why?

what's the point in staying quiet

there's no outcome

so fuck it

i'm going to tell him that I love him

and not through notes

but tomorrow

i'm sleepy

-

That morning we were woken up individually for vocals and briefed on what we would all be doing today. It was a slow day today, there was only going to be one pap walk and one interview but it was a home interview with just out voices.

On days like this we all usually sat down in the basement and watched a movie. When it was my day to pick the movie it was usually a romantic comedy which everyone hated, but today it was Niall's pick. If it were my pick I'd probably pick Love, Actually, my all time favorite movie like you could trap me in a white box with a TV and Love, Actually and I'd go on for decades.

"Hiya love" Louis whispered into my ear as he trailed past me. This was one of the ways that we could talk to each other without being obvious...or at least we don't think we are.

"Hi lou" I beamed at him

He glanced over to the bathroom door but I met his glance with a sad shake of the head. I had to go record before the interview so I couldn't see him at this time. I knew that I had to tell him today.

He frowned at me before giving me a smile back and heading downstairs with the other guys who were preparing for the interview.

-40 minutes later-

"So what are your boys's ideas for the future, do you think you'll still be together...5 years from now?" The interviewer asked

"Yeah for sure I definitely think we'll still be a band" Zayn responded. 

"I think no matter what we'll always be mates" Louis added with a smile

As the interviewer continued on I felt a nudge by my hand, it was Louis. He rubbed his fingers along mine which made my entire body flow with this tingly feeling. Our fingers intertwined, slowly rubbing our thumbs against the others warm grasp.

"Well thank you guys for taking the time out of your day to talk with me and I hope to see you guys soon" He closed off

We all said our goodbyes before ending the call and sprinting our way down to the basement. Paul yelled nonsense at us before we slammed the door and skipped down the steps.

"So what movie have you picked this time Nialler?" Liam asked as he jumped onto the beanbag chair by the TV

"So it's either Black Swan or Grown ups" He laughed as he plopped on the couch

"That's like two opposite sides of the movie spectrum" I joked

"Touche but which one you guys" Niall spoke finding his place on the couch

"I think Grown ups because it's supposed to be funny" Louis popped in as he found a spot for the two of us on the guest bed.

The basement was actually just a really big downstairs guest bedroom but we made it into our little movie room when we deemed this place our forever home away from home while preparing for tour. There was a little twin bed, a couch, and three bean bags with a flat screen TV in front of it all.

"Grown ups it is then lad's?" Niall asked reassuringly

"Yes now play it you loser" Louis laughed as he threw a pillow as his head

"Hey now no need to get aggressive Lewis" Liam joked 

"Ha ha very funny" He chuckled back at the breathless Liam

Everyone settled in before Niall grabbed his blanket and turned on the movie. Louis pulled up the covers so that it covered us both and set his head on our shared pillow. I turned onto my stomach and tried to close my eyes without anyone noticing but I soon failed when I felt a hand on my back

"You're not going to sleep on me are you?" Louis whispered into my neck. I shivered at the feeling of his breath on my neck.

"Maybeee" I whispered back

"Whyyy" He whined with a grin

"Well for starters someone left a note under my pillow in a language I couldn't understand so I had to translate it letter by letter" I went on with a smile.

Louis looked down at his hands with a weird look on his face so I started to think of something to say that would make it go away.

"But I eventually figured it out and loved it because I love the person who gave it to me" I breathed out before resting my cheek back on my pillow

"You said it" He mumbled pulling me over so that I was facing him

"No I didn't" I giggled

"You totally did" He responded resting his head on my chest

We sat there for a little just listening to the breaths and heartbeat of the other. His soft deep breaths were surprisingly soothing, to the point where I almost fell asleep.

"I do love you, always have" I mumbled as I twirled his hair between my fingers

"It's good to hear you say that" He smiled while lightly planting a kiss on my forehead

Our breathing patterns began to sync as my thoughts jumbled through my head.

"I will always love you hazza, no matter what happens. forever and always" He smiled before letting his eyelids shut

I smiled to myself before lifting his chin up so that his lips met mine. I snuck in a quick kiss before letting his head fall back down onto my chest.

We loved each other

but now we could say it

maybe not out loud

but to each other

that's what mattered


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2020-present

**2020-present**

**a switch of harry and louis's pov**

My eyes trailed up to the figures body and up to their lips...then their eyes

_their ocean blue eyes_

the ones that I had found myself gazing into for hours on end when I was a kid

the eyes of the one I once loved

"I'm so sorry" He whispered as he reached to put his hand on my back. 

I flinched at the familiar feeling of his bare hand on my back. I quickly got up out of my seat and slammed the drivers side door before walking back to the main building. The sharp noise of the the passenger side door slamming rattled throughout my brain.

"Hazza please" He spoke catching up to me. My heart broke hearing that name again...no one called me that, only Louis.

"Don't call me that Louis, you're getting married...I'm not your boyfriend" I snarled at him with a stone cold expression.

He looked so drained, numb almost.

"Are you happy?" I choked out. I was on the verge of tears, I knew because I barely got the three word sentence out of my mouth.

"Of course" He mumbled looking down at his feet

"Don't lie to me Louis" I sighed as I stepped backwards towards the door

We stood in silence. I guess there was a part of me that thought he would just spill everything right then and there but he just stood there frozen and mute.

"All I ever wanted in life was for you to be happy...so if you truly are then I am extremely happy for you...the both of you" I smiled reaching for the doorknob

I was greeted with a haul glances as the door creaked open but then even more as Louis stepped out behind me. I could only imagine what everyone was thinking right now.

Everyone went back to what they were doing as I sat down at the table that seated the wedding party. I could practically feel Eleanor's glare on my skin but I locked my glance on Niall who was telling a story about his weird hotel experience.

"Hi everyone I'd just like to pop in and say how excited I am to see all of you in you're beautiful attire and that I hope you enjoy this little dinner" El spoke from the front of the room 

I glanced over to where the couple were sat and let my eyes fall onto the groom. He didn't look happy, I knew Louis and I knew what he looked like when he was truly happy. A wide smile always took up the bottom half of his face and the blue of his eyes disappeared as he squinted.

I didn't know what he was doing but I'll let him if it makes him happy

-

"Harry?" A high pitched childlike voice spoke out from behind me

It was the one and only Freddie Tomlinson aka the cutest little thing on earth.

"Freddie!! Hey buddy, how are you?" I yelled picking him up and twirling him into a hug. When Louis and I were still together we used to go say hi Briana and him all the time but now that times are weird and Louis and I are bleh I haven't seen him in a while.

"Where's your mom?" I asked with a smile

I knew Freddie didn't have a clue of what had happened between Louis and I so it wasn't shocking that he treated me the exact same.

"inside I think" He giggled. He pronounced "think" in his little baby voice as "fink" which was the cutest damn thing ever.

"You wanna go pet the kitty?" I asked as I noticed his sudden trance on the fluffy orange animal

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" He squawked pulling my finger towards the cat

I admired him as he smiled at the little kitty...he looked so much like Louis it was unbelievable.

"So why aren't you with my daddy anymore" He croaked out still laughing at the small animal

"Well you see...your daddy and I aren't going to be around each other as much anymore, he'll be with Eleanor more" I said in a soft tone kneeling down next to him.

"I don't like her" He babbled. 

I chuckled at the fact that Louis's own child didn't like the women he was marrying. Yes, I know that Freddie is only four and he can't exactly comprehend things but it was just humoring to me.

"Freddie buddy what are you doing" Louis said in a fatherly tone from the front entrance

We met each others glance before Freddie made his way over to the man. I got up from my squatting position, placed my hand on Freddie's tiny head and ruffled his hair as a goodbye.

"Harry!" The boy yelled after me

"Yes Freddie" I smiled keeping my eyes only on him

"Can you tell daddy not to marry her" He spoke out

I was stunned.

"I have been bud... for years" I forced a smile before walking away from the father and son duo leaving them alone in the courtyard.

I just kept repeating to myself "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" praying that I wouldn't cause a scene on Louis's wedding day.

I made my way into the main hall greeting the people I knew near the front before trudging over to the rest of the lads. The four of us were all dressed in dark navy suits since we were all playing the same part in the wedding. I of course had to spice in up a little bit with a pretty patterned handkerchief but it was ironic because the two colors on it were blue and green.

"Don't you look spiffy" Liam chuckled out as I made my way over to the bar.

Only close close family and friends were here at the moment so the hall wasn't really full. Louis was still sat with Freddie outside which peaked my interest but I forced myself to focus on the rest of the boys.

"Don't ever say that sentence again" Niall chimed in with a laugh before I could speak

"What Nialler said" I agreed throwing my arm around his shoulder

It was nice to be with all the lads in the same room again...it felt like old times. I remember when we were kids and we all had a separate room in the house but we all chose to sleep in the bunk room because it reminded us of the X factor and when we all first met.

_louis's pov_

"Why can't you be around Harry anymore daddy?" My son asked. Hearing him say this broke my heart, I never want Freddie to know the feeling of being torn away from the one person you truly love.

"It's complicated buddy" I whispered softly sitting him on my lap

"But you love him" He spoke out playing with my tie. A tear dripped down my face after processing what he had just said. My own son can tell that I still love him, my four year old son.

"Why are you crying dad?" He mumbled looking up at me. He trailed his soft little finger under my eyes and wiped my tears before nuzzling his head under my chin.

"It's nothing kiddo, just thinking" I smiled at him

I knew I had to try and talk to Harry again...I barely know anything right now but that is one thing I know for sure. This wedding is going to be one of the biggest ones that the UK will probably ever see. There will be news channels, radio stations, and there's no doubt that the paps will be lined up all around with their big cameras. 

What am I doing?

I was told by my management team that this would be the best choice for my career...but what's the best choice for me. I was the happiest with Harry but everyone is just stuck in this trance and mindset that I'm so much happier because I've "moved on".

I guided Freddie over to his grandma and then made my way into the main hall. I scanned the long room looking for the one person I needed to talk to, most would think Eleanor...but I thought Harry.

"Hey lads I need to steal Harry for a second to talk to him about his speech, is that alright?" I asked glancing over to him

"I have my speech ready, all of us do" He retorted with a knowing tone. He knew that I didn't want to talk to him about the speech...he can read right through me.

"Can you please just follow me" I practically begged

"Fine" He breathed out handing Zayn his drink

I walked outside and back over to the secluded area we were by earlier. Harry followed close behind before sitting down on the little bench on the side of the building.

We sat in silence for a second until I let out a sigh while putting my face in my palms.

"Freddie asked why I can't be around you anymore...and then said backed it up by saying "but you love him" my four year old son has it all figured out and I don't even know what I'm doing here" I cried out still resting my head in my hands

"Smart kid" He mumbled 

"Yeah...way smarter than me right now" I said with a small chuckle

Harry turned to me

"Why this place Louis...of all the places you could pick from you chose the place that we planned on getting married at, the place where we shared so many memories, the place where we first admitted our feelings for each other." He questioned with a broken expression plastered on his face

"Honestly, I don't know. I mentioned it to El and she said she liked it so I had someone take her for a tour and now we're here..." I breathed out in response

"But Harry listen to me-" I started

"Louis stop...you're getting married in a matter of hours and you're here talking to me, the person you once called your soulmate. You need to be in there with Eleanor talking about your honeymoon and how many kids you want. You chose her. I'm not sure why you did but in the end you did, so go" He rambled off

A single tear dripped down his cheek for a millisecond before he swiped it away. 

"You know I've always loved you Harry and-" I uttered putting my hand on his knee

"Don't do that, don't say that...I don't want to hear it come out of your mouth on your wedding day. The only words coming out of your mouth today in relations to love should be "I do"...even if it rips me apart" He voiced in a broken tone

"You have to stop loving me. I'm not your boyfriend, i'm not the one you're marrying, i'm not your forever anymore. That's where we're different now, you can't love me but I will always love you...It will always be you." He said with a soft sob

"Harry I don't know what to say...I-I just don't know what I'm doing" I cried out putting my head into my hands

"My mind is in scrambles...everyone is telling me that doing this is going to benefit my future but my future has never been with Eleanor. I'm in too deep haz...I'm going to go through with it" I admitted

Harry sighed as he wiped his tears.

"Then I'll have to accept that...I hope that one day she'll make you as happy as you made me" He breathed out as he stood up and walked away

I hated it when he left...it meant I had to be strong again.

-

I forced a smile onto my face as I watched my groomsmen and their assigned dates walk down the aisle. From what happened at the rehearsal dinner I knew that when I saw Harry I would be on the verge of breaking.

The soft music, the venue, him...everything was just so confusing. 

I saw Harry and Lottie turn the corner and my eyes instantly locked on him. I looked him up and down and swallowed trying to hold in my tears. If my friends and family saw that I was crying already and it wasn't when El was walking down the aisle I don't even know what they would think.

As he trailed closer to me we met each others gaze and in that moment we both realized what was truly going on in the others mind. I felt a singular tear drip down my cheek so I let it fall as I watched Harry go to the end of the line of groomsmen.

I'm not sure what was happening but once I saw Eleanor walking down the aisle my mind just flashed back to all the memories Harry and I had made over the years. The time that Liam thought that we stole his sandwich but it was actually a squirrel, all the times we had to sneak around when we weren't allowed to be together, the battle of the bands. I could go on and on talking about the two of us but today I needed to focus on El.

I noticed that everyone was staring...almost waiting for something.

Shit...I dazed through the whole thing.

"in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?" The priest finished off as I knocked myself back into reality

I swallowed and took a deep breath before spitting out the two word sentence that would change my life forever.

"I do" I spat out as I started to cry

These people only saw the groom crying in front of his bride, they didn't see the groom crying in front of his bride about someone who stood beside him as his groomsmen.

I heard the applause and cheers of the guests which showed me that Eleanor had said the same words that I did. She leaned in to kiss me and our lips collided...I felt nothing

I was officially completely numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here is the wedding chapter
> 
> the next chapter is going to be a continuation to this one sort of like the reception and a more in depth look at louis's and harry's feelings
> 
> but anyway I hope you all enjoyed this
> 
> till next chapter my loves


	7. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2020-present (wedding chapter continuation)

**2020- present (wedding continuation)**

**_a switch of louis and harry's pov_ **

He actually went through with it...Louis is officially married.

I was seated with the rest of the wedding party waiting for the food to come out while trying not to overthink every part of my speech. I had been up all night writing every last word and trust me there were a lot of times where I just tore it up and threw it away. It needed to be heartfelt but not too heartfelt to the point where people think I'm confessing my love.

All the lads were giving around a 3 minute speech about Louis whilst everyone else ate. I was the last of the four of us to go so I had time to read it over.

"Louis tomlinson, tommo, lewis, my brother...I can't believe I'm standing here right now in front of the new Mr and Mrs Tomlinson. I remember when we were younger you always talked about having a family one day, and I mean you gushed about it." Niall went on whilst taking a quick glance at me

Niall had always been the most supportive of Louis and I...he loved seeing us happy. He and I have had many talks in the past year, mostly about Louis, but he always made me keep my hopes up. Now that Louis's married I'm not sure if I'll be able to..

I zoned out for most of Liam and Zayns speech so I made myself snap back into reality and listen to the final line of Zayns.

"I'm glad your heart is happy...and I love you always my brother" He voiced with a smile

"Thank you Zayn, I love you too" Louis spoke in response

As the applause faded out I made my way up to the stage and pulled out my little note cards with my speech on it. I smiled at everyone in the audience and trailed my eyes over to the bride and groom who were sat beside me.

I took a deep breath before starting

"When I first met Louis, we were actually opposing bands in a competition called the Battle of the Bands. I was in a band called White Eskimo and Louis was in one called The Rouge...I instantly knew that we had no chance at winning." I babbled gaining a laugh from the guests and Louis himself

I smiled at the response 

"We then met up again at the X Factor auditions and if I may add, I literally didn't know he was going to be there because he had never told me, but in all honesty I never told him either because I was too embarrassed. Then we met the lads and we all instantly became friends... well maybe not all of us." I laughed

I gained a few more chuckles before continuing

"All the times on the road where we shared special moments as band mates and best friends. You showed me so many things that I would have never thought i'd be able to see, and for that I am beyond grateful" I went on

"When we were younger we all bet money on who was going to get married first, it ended up being a tie between Louis and I...so congratulations you beat me to it." I added looking over at Louis with a fake smile

"But in all seriousness, i'm so happy for the two of you. I knew one day you'd find your forever love but just know...I'll be waiting for you, forever" I smiled trying not to break out into tears

The guests applauded so I assumed that they kind of just skipped over it. I walked the microphone over to Louis and locked eyes with him...he was crying.

"Thank you haz" He almost whispered

Eleanor quickly grabbed the mic from Louis's hand and called up her bridesmaids to make their speeches. I sat in my seat and began solemnly eating my food, well I shouldn't say eating...it was more like poking. I was interrupted when the lads came up to me and pulled me outside.

"What the hell I was eating" I groaned out with little to no energy

"We're going to do a surprise song for Louis...an old 1d throwback. So we all pitched in 2 songs and then dialed that number down to three, we wanted you to have the final decision" Liam spoke quietly

I stood there trying to process the sudden news

"Uhm...yeah what are they?" I questioned

"Half a heart, strong, or If I could fly" Niall numbered off

I knew instantly which one I wanted to sing...it was the I had written originally about Louis. 

"If I Could Fly" I mumbled out with a nod

"Are you sure" Niall said putting a hand on my shoulder

They all knew the meaning behind this song, they were the ones who heard it first. Louis however, was the only person who knew how truly meaningful it was...it was a love song I wrote him for whenever he grew lonely.

"Ok so after Lottie finishes up her speech I'm going to grab the mic from her and tell everyone that we're going to be singing while Niall and Zayn go and grab the extra ones from the other room. Then harry you'll grab the chairs and say the title of the song, sound like a plan?" Liam explained

"Got it" I nodded

We stood outside only for a second before we heard the applause that told us it was time for our little surprise. I was shaking...it had been so long since I sang this song and it was just 10x more frightening because it's like i'm almost singing it directly to him.

Louis and Eleanor had almost made it back to their seats at their original table but soon stopped when they saw us all run through the main hall. They turned around and stood in between the two long tables that seated the guests.

"Hey everybody how are you all doing tonight?" Liam yelled into the microphone which gained a confused cheer from the audience.

"So we have a little surprise in store for the bride and groom, I hope that's alright" He added on with a smile

I gathered four chairs from the bar and set them on the stage in a line while Zayn and Niall fetched the microphones. I scanned the room looking at all the confused faces and gradually let my eyes find Louis. He looked me straight in eyes and looked at me with a sympathetic look but I quickly turned my head to Niall who was handing me my mic.

"This is a song that I actually wrote for our album Made in the AM...it is one I hold very near and dear to my heart, here is If I Could Fly" I breathed out gesturing to the DJ

I took a deep breath as the instrumentals started but couldn't help but notice the expression on Louis's face. He almost looked happy...he always loved this song.

I knew the moment the music started I would start to cry but it was just a matter of time before my lungs would be forced to open while I sob.

"if I could fly, i'd be coming right back home to you, give up everything, just ask me to, Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down, Right now I'm completely defenseless" I sang quietly into the mic

The rest of the guys chimed in for the chorus. I grazed over the tables of guests with my eyes before locking eyes with the ground

Liam sang Louis's part very very well because he got a pleased nod from Louis himself. The rest of the song went smoothly so I thought I was in the clear, that was until the last 50 seconds of it. I'm not sure what clicked in my brain but I just broke down...

"For when you're lonely and forget who you are, I'm missing half for me when we're apart" I sung quietly locking eyes with Louis.

Our eyes remained glued to one another before the guys backed away from their mic's letting me sing it all myself.

"Now you know me, for your eyes only, for your eyes only" I sung almost directly to him

I took another deep breath before finishing off the song

"F-for your eyes...only" I croaked with a soft sob

I couldn't help but notice Louis mouth those four words with me...

The guests cheered for us wildly while I wiped my tears. The lads pulled me into a hug before running over to Louis cheerfully. I trailed behind while they attacked him with a big hug, they opened their arms waiting for me to join.

As we hugged I felt a warm hand on my spine, I instantly knew it was his. It was the hand that once used to massage my shoulders when I was stressed, the hand that used to comb through my hair when we kissed, the hand that used to trail my bare skin.

"Thank you lads, I love you guys" He mumbled into Zayn's shoulder

We all mumbled nonsense before separating and heading back to our designated seats. I began poking at my food again whilst pretending to listen to the people speaking.

That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, second to leaving Louis.

-

"Mum? I don't know if I can do this...I've been so strong this whole day but it's just catching up to me. He's officially married to Eleanor, they're Mr and Mrs Tomlinson...he's supposed to have my last name" I cried out to my mom over the phone

I was sat in the courtyard on the only bench, in the dark...all by myself.

Everyone inside was waiting for the cake to be cut into individual squares so I'm pretty sure no one noticed my sudden disappearance. My mom sadly wasn't able to attend the wedding as she was on the opposite side of the world but I knew I would have to talk to her at some point today.

"I know sweetie, I'm sorry this is happening.. I know how difficult this must be for you" She consoled from over the phone

"I'm pathetic aren't I...I'm a grown man calling his mom on the love of his life's wedding day. I just need to push it all down and forget about it..I can't hang onto him anymore" I mumbled on

"Hun, you're not pathetic...you've been pushing through this for years now, you're the strongest person I know. If you and Louis are meant to be, he'll make his way back to you...that may sound like cliche mom talk but it's true" She uttered

I could tell by the tone of her voice that she really meant it...

"I just feel like half the time I'm waiting for nothing, like everything I've done these past couple of years was for nothing. Maybe every memory we made as kids means nothing to him anymore...who am I kidding, he's fucking married and I-" I ranted before being cut off by a small figure coming into the light

"Uhm I got to go mum, I'll talk to you later" I said quickly before ending the call and sliding the phone into my suit pocket

It was, of course, Louis Tomlinson. It took everything in me to look at him for longer than 10 seconds, it broke me every time I saw his sky blue eyes.

"Hey..." He whispered sitting down beside me

"It's cold out you should be inside" He advised

It was actually quite cold outside but I didn't want to admit it.

"I'm fine" I choked out

"I loved the performance...you guys sounded really good" He rambled on

I hated small talk

"What do you want Louis? I know you didn't just come out here to complement our performance" I questioned

Louis looked down at the ground with a sigh

"Goodnight Louis, thank you for letting me be apart of this chapter of your life" I said as I began to walk

I felt a warm grasp on my hand that turned me around.

"Harry please don't end it like this" He pleaded

I was baffled that he thought that I was the one who ended us. He acts like he wasn't the one who signed the contract, or that he wasn't the one that broke it off the second time, or that he wasn't the one that just got married

"I didn't have to end it, you did because you're the one who said I do and I hate you because of it...but I still love you and I always will. All I'm going to do throughout my life is wait for you but you'll be in your flat all peaceful and happy, without me" I spat out ripping my hand out of his

"Harry you know I always wanted us to happen...but this has to be done" He argued

"No it doesn't! It's your life for Christs sake...you have a choice" I yelled a bit too loud

He shook his head at me 

"Harry, this is what's best for me...trust me on that" He insisted

I couldn't believe what I was hearing...I just wanted to go home and not to my actual flat, I wanted Louis.

My home.

"Haz, have I ever intentionally lied to you?...like about anything in regards to us beside the contract" He asked 

I chuckled and nodded my head before putting up my hands and making little quotation mark symbols

_"And I'd marry you harry"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo how'd we like it??
> 
> this chapter is a little shorter than I would have liked it but it's late and I need to get some sleep
> 
> but anyway make sure to comment and tell me what you thought
> 
> love you all <3


	8. chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2011-nearing the contract

**2011- nearing the contract**

**louis's pov**

I woke up around 9 this morning which was a bit weird since I always seemed to wake up after 11. I reached around the bed to feel for Harry's slim body but came up empty when I noticed his figure wasn't there.

I scanned the room looking for the boy but soon found a little paper note labeled "Lou". I reached for my glasses and then folded the thin piece of paper open

_"Wen't for a practice drive with Paul, didn't wanna wake you...you looked quite cute. I'll be back soon with some breakfast, I love you -8am"_

Always so cheesy that boy.

I wandered around our empty room and stumbled into the kitchen. Harry and I have been living alone together for a while now ever since I became his legal guardian. I was grateful that Anne trusted me with the privilege of watching over her sunshine of a son. Even now that Harry was inching towards becoming an adult I'm still the one watching him making sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Harry was in the process of getting better at driving, even though he passed his test earlier this year...he had never been the best driver. I told him many times that I would drive him anywhere in the world for as long as we lived but he always just chuckled and pecked my lips. 

The drives usually only lasted about an hour so I knew that he would be running through those doors any moment now. My guess is that he'd be here in the next-

"Louisssss" I heard from the door

minute or so.

"Hi love" I smiled 

"I got you something from the bakery down the street" He spoke sitting down beside me at the table

There was this one bakery that Harry and I always used to go to when we were in the area, but now that we live right down the road from it, it's an everyday thing.

Harry pulled out a breakfast tart and a blueberry bagel.

"Woah a blueberry bagel?! I would have never guessed" I said to him sarcastically 

"Sass me one more time you little shit and I'll move out" He growled 

Harry knew we would never leave each other.

"Give me my tart" I scolded with a laugh

"Say please" He pouted

"Curly, can I please have my breakfast tart?" I asked in a childlike voice

"Yes you may sweet cheeks" He breathed out handing it to me

He stood up and waddled over to the fridge to find the cream cheese before putting his bagel in the toaster oven. I sat there contently chewing on my tart watching the boy do his little waiting dance around the room.

"You're such a idiot" I laughed out

"Come on...you know you want to" He giggled with a tilt of the head

"I'm not doing your weird shuffle" I said still standing my ground

"Do it for Niall, It's his birthday!" He pleaded

It's true, Niall was turning 18 today and we even have a little surprise for him at our concert later.

"Niall's not even here" I spoke out

"You don't wanna dance with me?" He pouted sadly

"Of course I do, just not your weird waiting dance...it looks like you really have to wee" I added

"Pleaseeeeee" He whined

I couldn't say no to him...he always had a soft spot in my heart.

"Fine" I caved

He cheered, grabbed my hand then stood me up. We stumbled around the room doing his little dance, I could barely stand up right because I was laughing so hard. Harry started humming a tune before the toaster oven beeped telling him his bagel was ready.

I pulled him into a hug and swayed side to side refusing to let him go. We stopped swaying and just stood there for a while in each others warm embrace.

"Louis I need to get my bagel! It's gonna burn! Louis Tomlinson let me go!" He laughed hysterically

I only gripped him tighter

"Nope you're mine forever" I voiced

"Stop being a dork for two seconds and let me get my bagel!" He giggled beginning to squirm

"Give me a kiss and I'll let you go" I offered

He glanced at me, then glanced at the toaster.

"It's me or the toaster Harry" I spoke trying to keep a straight face

He collided his lips into mine and ran his hands through my hair...it was weirdly passionate. I laughed as I let him slip from my grip.

He examined his bagel...it wasn't toasted at all.

"I put it on defrost..." He admitted popping his bagel back into the little oven

I smirked at him once he put his bagel back in the toaster...he figured out my plan.

"Nooo! Not again!" He laughed running to the other side of the flat

"Come here haz! I will not let you get away that easy!" I laughed chasing after him

Our feet slid on the glossy floor as laughter filled the air. This was the only time that we could truly be ourselves, one of the only times we could truly be free. Harry slipped and fell but quickly recovered and stumbled over the bed.

"Slow down you bastard!" I laughed inching closer to him

"Not happening" He giggled loudly

I ran around the side of the bed cutting him off and threw my arms around him. He sighed in defeat but eventually wrapped his arms around my and nuzzled his head into my shoulder.

"Mine" I smiled into his back 

"Always" 

-

"Boys! Boys! Calm yourselves you're on in 20 minutes" Paul nagged trying to get us into our dressing rooms

"Lou! Harry! Get your asses into your dressing room" He added with a playful kick to my butt

Harry and I stumbled into our shared dressing room to find Louise, our hairstylist, in the corner getting all of her tools out. Our stylist had been here earlier but had to leave suddenly when she got a phone call from her daughter.

"Get your clothes on, hurry up" Louise said pointing at the cloth bags that hung in the corner

I was wearing my signature red pants with a plain blue shirt and my toms. Harry was wearing a plain white shirt with a reddish blazer over it and some dark wash jeans.

"You read for Niall's surprise boys?" Louise asked sitting me in the chair 

Since it was Niall's birthday we all decided to surprise him on stage with a cake. So right before we perform What Makes You Beautiful we'll wheel out the cart with the cake on it and surprise the shit out of him...hopefully.

"Yeah I'm super pumped" Harry voiced plopping into the chair beside me

"Same here, I think he's gonna be totally surprised" I joined in

"I'm sure he will be" She ensured 

Louise started to play with my hair, examining every bit while combing through it effortlessly. She pumped a weird gel like substance into her hand and slid it through my hair, I never liked it, made my hair to prickly and hard. I would most likely rough it up later when I'm backstage without her knowing.

"Lou please touch up his curls, but don't mess them up, he looks cute" I said in a fond tone

"Shut it Louis" Harry blushed

"You two are the cutest things" She chuckled

She squeezed Harry's cheeks and shooed me away before playing with his thick head of curls. His curls were one of my favorite things about him, they were one of the first things that drew me to him.

I sat there waiting for Louise to finish up Harry's hair and touch ups. My hair never took long but Harry's on the other hand, took ages.

"Hey darling?" I called out rummaging through my suitcase

"Mhm" Harry answered

"Can I borrow some of that cologne I like?, the one that I say smells like home" I asked continuing to look through my bad "It looks like I forgot mine".

"Yeah of course love, it's in me bag" He obliged pointing at the bag. Louise tugged him back to the chair before slapping a little bit of gel onto his mop of a hairdo.

"You're on stage in 5, hurry it up Louise" Paul said crashing through the door

"I'm done I'm done" Louise mumbled shoving Harry out of the seat

I gave him a peck on the cheek and tapped his bum lightly gaining a tiny smile in return. We met with the other lads backstage and did our little pre-performance chant.

"Please, put your hands together for...One Direction!"

One by one we all ran on to the the stage and did the cliche wave and smile before getting into formation. It stood Zayn, Niall, Liam, Louis, then me.

As the night went on our vocal cords became more and more strained but that just made our desire for cake 10x larger. By now it was almost time for us to close off the show so we flagged down Paul and had him wheel the cart out quietly so Niall didn't notice.

"Nialler...I think you have something to tell the audience, what day is it today?" Harry stalled while we lit the candles

"It's my birthday" He answered with a shy smile

"Louder!"

"It's my birthday!!" Niall yelled

The audience laughed then cheered for him before going dead silent again

"Well then birthday boy, turn around" I added in with a smirk

Niall slowly turned around then beamed at the vanilla desert before running over to it like a little child. I threw my arm around Harry while watching Niall fond over his nicely put together cake.

"Awee lads! You didn't have to do this" He muttered humbly

"Of course we did!" Liam said throwing his arm around him

We all gathered around and sang happy birthday to Niall before he blew out the candles with glee. He looked around deviously for only a moment before

_bam_

the cake went right into my face

"You're dead" I mumbled with a laugh

I picked up a piece of the cake up off the floor and shoved it in Niall's face and before I knew it, we were all engaging in a cake fight. All of us were throwing cake all over the place, I don't think management is going to like this one.

What makes you beautiful started playing so we all grew more calm and began to sing. Harry and I loved this song, he supposedly fell for me during the music video. That was always one thing we held onto, the one thing that was ours and only ours.

We all slipped around the stage singing our hearts out, but Harry took it literally and actually fell. The audience laughed before Harry chuckled in embarrassment. I hooked my arm the cute boys shoulder once he got to his feet.

I was having the time of my life being goofy and flamboyant that I didn't even care about my foot that was inches deep in a pile of cake. Harry and I were eyeing each other the whole rest of the song, I even got a cheek kiss from him when we were out of sight.

well I mean the fans started screaming so maybe we weren't as out of sight as we thought

but I didn't care

I was with harry and that's all that mattered. Being with him meant I could let all my walls down, he made me feel safe...I never ever wanted that feeling to go away. 

"Thank you everyone for coming and we hope that you enjoyed!" Liam shouted running off stage

"We love you all! Drive safe!" I shouted following him

With that Harry and I raced to our dressing rooms, changes out of our clothes, and headed to the car that was waiting to drive us back to our place. The other lads got into a separate car and drove off to their place since they lived a little bit further down.

"How's your ass? After that nasty nasty fall?" I smirked sarcastically

"You shut up" Harry laughed

He leaned his head on my shoulder then rotated it so that his breath was on my skin

"I love you" I whispered

His smile tingled on my neck sending shivers throughout my body

"I love you too" He whispered back

"I'll always love you, forever and ever Mr Styles" He added with a smile

_Mr Styles_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter was kinda boring I've been having major writers block lately
> 
> school sucks
> 
> ap psych is kicking me in the ass
> 
> but anyway I love you guys and make sure to go drink some water


	9. chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW: mentions of suicide*
> 
> 2021-present

**2021-present**

**harry's pov**

**_a couple weeks later_ **

When two people get married it's supposed to be for one single reason, and that reason is Love. Then when they have children they should be able to tell them when they first knew the other was the one. Kids expect their parents to be soulmates, not complete strangers.

I've been having a haul of bad days lately, ever since Louis went through with marrying Eleanor my life has just been spiraling out of control. I just feel numb to all things. I haven't answered anyone in 2 weeks, not even my mom. 

Even got a text from Louis...haven't read it yet.

I stared at the notification for hours when I first got it, eyeing the name and the start of the sentence,

Lou my love: I just wanted to touch base and say...

I couldn't bare to look at the rest, just looking at the old contact name broke me...well I'm not sure I could get any more broken. My future was torn into pieces and thrown at my feet for me to shovel up and put back together again. It felt like I was swimming in deep waters and was too far down to make it back to the surface again.

_Some days I think about ending things._

I trailed my fingers along my wall while looking at all of the pictures strung up across it. I let my eyes wander over the pieces of film that stored the key to all my memories. There was this stinging feeling in my heart, which was normal, but this one stung a bit more. I'm starting to think that this feeling will never go away.

_Most days I think about ending things_

I trudged over to my bathroom and sat on the closed toilet. I eyed the medicine cabinet...Nembutal, Klonopin, Xanax, and Dilauded. The names wandered around my mind, clouding it immensely. I stood up and trailed my fingers along the thin orange bottles while lyrics of old songs scanned my brain

_I think about ending things_

As I made my way back to the kitchen I hummed songs that we had claimed as ours, songs that only we knew the true meaning of. "Oh why you wearing that to walk out of my life" I sang softly, rummaging through my array of various alcohols. I seemed to have blacked out because I grabbed a full bottle of Beluga vodka and downed a quarter of the bottle.

I found myself grabbing my mini bottles of vodka and rum and gathering them in my living room. Then I trailed slowly back over to bathroom and stared at the pill bottles, they were calling to me. My mind clouded, my stomach doing flips, my hands shaking, my grip on reality loosening...it was all a sign that it was over.

_I'm thinking about ending things_

My hands gave up their grip on the pill bottles and set them all in a line next to the liquor. I sat there in front of them on the couch with my hands covering my ears, trying to drown out the noise.

The room was silent, it was the noises going on in my head. It sounded like they were almost battling it out, one banging a frying pan over the other while they slept, or one screaming at the top of their lungs but the other didn't hear.

I drowned in my thoughts for a while, staring at the array of items that sat in front of me. A piece of paper blew over to me as a gust of wind came through the window, maybe it's a sign. I should write a letter...make sure to tell everyone it wasn't their faults.

_None of this was your fault. It was my choice and my choice only_

_Mom,_

_I just want to say thank you for everything that you have sacrificed in life to get me to this point. I know how much of a menace I was when I was a kid and I'm so very sorry you had to deal with my retched singing. Remember when we got to the X Factor auditions and I saw Louis from across the room and pointed him out you? You said to me "Oh so that's the boy who has been keeping you up on the phone all night" and I blushed sheepishly. I'm so unbelievably thankful for you, you've accepted me and loved me all throughout my life. I love you and just know I'll always be watching over you_

_Gemma,_

_My sweet older sister...I love you to the moon and back, I couldn't have asked for a better sister. Christmas was our favorite time of year...I'm sorry I didn't show, I would have really liked to see what weird pair of socks you got me this year. You always showed me love and coached me throughout my childhood, when I left for tour you told me you loved me and that you would make sure no one hurt me...even when I was miles and miles away. Now I get to say the same to you, even when I'm gone...I'll always love and protect you._

_Liam, Niall, and Zayn_

_I hate that i'm writing this letter to you after all the hardships we've been through together. There had been too many nights where we all slept in the same room just crying about what management was making us do. But look at us now, Liam you have a beautiful boy and a beautiful wife and I'm so incredibly proud of the man you've become. Niall, baby nialler...You always were like a little brother to me, yeah yeah I know you're older than me but...in my eyes you will always be my baby bro. Zayn, I know we had our rough patches but we got through them like adults and i'm proud of that. I hope you, gigi, and your baby have the happiest life and I'll be looking down on you forever._

_Louis,_

_My lovely darling Louis. From the moment I met you I knew we were going to be good friends, that obviously eventually turned into something much more. We were fire and gasoline when we first met...when one met the other, they were explosive. When we were kids we were told that being gay was nothing but a phase and that no one was going to accept us but we never listened, did we? We were always so stubborn. When I got the news that you were getting married I didn't know what to do with myself, the love of my life was getting married and it wasn't to me. I know that in your heart of hearts you know that you will never be happy with Eleanor, but that's for you to come to terms with. I'm so sorry that this is how it has to officially end, Always in my heart. yours sincerely, Harry._

I emptied the pill bottles onto the table and dragged 2 of each into a small line next to the bottles of alcohol. I stared at the table for a long time before turning the TV on to drown out the emptiness that was going to be my flat. I counted the pills out and unscrewed the top of the vodka before getting up and saying goodbye to my home one last time.

_I think i'm ending things_

The darkness of my room and kitchen trailed throughout the hallways then met the light from the living room, it was quite beautiful. I sat back down on the couch and took a deep breath before sliding the group of pills into hand. In the other hand I grasped a tiny bottle of vodka to wash it all down.

_I'm ending things_

I turned the TV up then shook the pile of pills in my hand to mix them up. I took a swig of vodka before looking out the window with a smile. My hand slowly lifted up to my mouth and tossed the random grouping of pills down my throat. I slid them down with a drink of alcohol before popping a couple more.

"Earlier this morning: Louis Tomlinson and Eleanor Calder split after only weeks being married"

What.

I swallowed

_ding_

I was becoming more and more dizzy as my eyes continued to stay open but I needed to check my phone...see what it is.

_ding_

I slowly started to lose all energy that was left in my weak hungry body but I just needed to see who it is, it's the last thing I'll see.

It wasn't my phone...

_ding ding ding_

What is that noise?

It dawned on me.

Doorbell

I stumbled over to the door, trying to look as lively as possible. My eyes were trying to shut on me but I just needed to see who it was..

"Hi" The figure spoke quietly.

I directed my view up at the shadowy figure

Louis...

"Oh...H-hi Louis" I stuttered

I used the doorknob to steady my shaking limbs while trying to keep my focus on Louis's face...even if it's the last thing I do.

"You said you'd always be waiting for me...and I know that you're in no place to let me back into your life but I just couldn't stay with her. You're the one I've always loved and I never want to leave you ever again, I never want you to leave-" He rambled off

I was barely even standing let alone listening to a whole apology but I did notice his eyes trail behind me to the empty bottles of vodka and the pills scattered out on the table. He looked me in the eyes, in that moment...he knew.

"Harry no..."

I chuckled with little to no breath left

"Harry?!"

It all went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me crying over my own chapter hahaha
> 
> I know this was a shorter chapter but I hope you guys liked it anyway
> 
> tell me what you thought
> 
> (I promise this isn't the end)
> 
> love you all so much


	10. chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2010- past (Judges houses era)

**2010- past (Judges houses era)**

**harry's pov**

**_video diary number 1_ **

"C'mom boys we gotta film the first video diary" Kelly, the director, yelled from downstairs. We all ran down the stairs one by one like little children. The room was filled with cameras and lights, it was quite odd.

We all sat down on the carpeted stairway that led you up to the rooms while waiting for instruction. I eyed Louis's slim body fondly, he looked adorable...as always.

"So basically what's going to happen is, someone is going to introduce the band and that this is part one of the video diaries, then you'll read the questions off of this card. But today you're just going to talk about how your stay has been since you have no questions, ok" Kelly trailed on showing the group of big cards

We all nodded in agreeance. The crew adjusted the lighting and the cameras before organizing the cards.

"Ok go!" She approved giving as a wag of her finger. I was appalled at the fact she didn't say action...so not professional.

"Hi we're one direction and this is our video diary" Louis started off

"You can come back here every week to find out what we've been up to, how we're feeling, and everything that's been going on" I added. Louis played with my curls then trailed his soft hand down my cheek.

I shivered at his touch

"Yeah what the curly haired guy said" Zayn laughed

We talked about our shared room and how it was the worst room in the house. Louis played with my hair quite a lot, which wasn't unusual, but it was just weird for him to be doing it with the cameras on us. I liked it.

"Sharing a room with four of our...best friends" I smiled grasping Louis's bicep

"Oh Harryyyy!" Louis said grabbing my face in response

I laughed and stared into his eyes, almost finding myself getting lost.

scratch that

definitely lost.

**_video diary number 2_ **

Louis and I were sat at the kitchen counter eating dinner while the rest of the lads were upstairs resting. Some of the other groups were in the room but the only thing I could focus on was Louis, his silky brown hair, his sky blue eyes, his icy smile...

He was elegantly beautiful...

I hate having to keep my liking for him a secret

"Ok boys video diary time, hurry it up" Kelly yelled from the other room

We jumped into our spots on the steps while Kelly showed us our questions quickly in advance. The camera was directed towards our faces while the lights shined in our eyes. Kelly rambled on and on until it was time

We introduced ourselves and talked about the performance. We then cut to the chase and began the questions.

"Last week we asked for some questions, we got one here from Eloise, she wants to know what roles we each play in the band. Liam is the smart one, Harry is the flirt, Zayn...is vain, see what I did there...Niall is the funny one" Louis explained pointing out everyone of us

There was a wave of silence before we were met with a hastily hand gesture conducted by Kelly. I took this time to stare intensely at Louis's to die for side profile but soon looked over at the crew who was itching for more.

"and Louis's the leader" I rambled off

The boys laughed. I thought it was quite a reasonable answer but they apparently didn't so I tried to save myself

"Louis's the leader because that was the only one that was left..." I added

Yeah good going Harry "That was the only one left"...stupid mouth.

Well I need to redeem myself in the next question for sure.

"Hey Justine! You had a question for us...and it was, What do One Direction look for in a girl?" Liam asked 

Oh great...just great

"Now what do we look for in a girl boys? Shall I kick it off?...alright um I like a girl who's got really really nice eyes, I like blue eyes." Liam started with a smile

My eyes drifted over to Louis on the first step, I couldn't help but wonder what he was going to say.

He looks dead in the camera and says,

"I like girls who eat carrots"

Hm...yeah for sure "girls"

**_video diary number 3_ **

We stared deeply into each others eyes until I broke away, but his eyes remained locked.

"I think he's got a temperature now....awe" Louis cooed at me

He gradually slid his hand up my forehead for what he would call, 'affect'...but what I would call teasing. Louis was quite touchy today, and don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining... It's just we never really brought it up...if that makes any sense.

The way the two of us acted towards each other was a whole lot different then how we treated the other lads. We flirted and teased each other, but I just don't wanna push it...I've barely come to terms with it myself.

"Luckily on the night we all pulled it off-" Zayn started

I completely zoned out when I felt Louis's mouth on my shoulder...he's being oddly public.

I liked it.

The cameras remained on our faces the whole time we spoke. Kelly was behind the first camera giving us the occasional thumbs up or "hurry up"motion.

Louis held a biscuit up to his mouth, stared right into the lens, and pretended it was his smile...

classic dorky Lou

I looked over a him and smiled fondly

"We had a question from Serena which asked, Who would we most likely date in the house?" Liam read off the card

I glanced over and Louis, only for a moment though.

"I'll start of then, I would say Cher" Liam added as an answer

"I'm gonna say Tracy" Niall spoke out

"I'm gonna say...Rebbeca Ferguson" Zayn then answerd

I looked over at Louis, itching to hear his response. The boys were silent behind us almost waiting for someone to cut the tension with a knife.

"I don't wanna say mine yet" Louis chewed. He glanced over at me with a ridiculous smile...he was waiting for me to answer.

I knew what my answer was...

It was him.

But I'm prepared to take that secret to the grave.

**_video diary number 4_ **

"It was a bit stressful at first but obviously we all agreed with Simon on it and it turned out quite well in the end...we loved it and I think it payed off since it was probably our best performance-" Zayn said in answer to a question.

Louis lifted his hand up like he was waiting for someone to high five him. I of course, like the good friend I am, accepted it.

I wound my hand up and went to smack his hand but then stopped with hesitation when I saw his hand just sitting there. Our hands collided softly then stayed there for about 5 seconds...he then took his hand away and turned his head.

He was smiling to himself with his face into the wall with a scarf over his eyes..

A minute passed by of us just rambling a bunch of nonsense to the camera. Kelly switched the card to a different question and pointed at Louis as to tell him to go.

"If you didn't audition for the X Factor, What would you be doing now career wise? Harry..?" He asked staring at me. Even though he was wearing a blindfold I could almost feel his eyes on me.

I always seemed to know when blue met green

"Uhh I think I'd be at college and working in a bakery" I smiled

"Cool, Niall?" Louis interjected

"Um I was going to go to uni to do sound engineering" Niall answerd

"Brilliant, Zayn" Louis said with a peppy tone

"I was going to go to uni to do an English degree and become a teacher" 

Louis was then left to introduce Liam...

"And what about you Liam?" He asked tilting his head at me

He put his soft hand on my back which sent shivers down my spine

It took me amount to figure out he was being funny. The lads took the joke lightly and laughed it off quickly before Liam answered

"In a factory building airplanes" he spoke with a laugh

Louis scooted closer and closer to my face...it was taking everything in me not to collide our lips right then and there

"What sorry?" He mocked getting even closer to my face

My heart was telling me to grip his face and kiss him in front of everyone but my brain was telling me not to. 

Everything is just so damn confusing

**_video diary number 5_ **

fuck

I'm in love with him

I know I am 

**_video diary number 6_ **

Today we were sent these one piece zip up footie pajamas...they were all we wore these days. We even had a pap walk with them on..

"Hello!"

"We!"

"Are!"

"One!"

"Direction! Yayyy" 

We laughed and started with the questions

"If we could be one of the other band mates for a day who would we be? Let's start with Louis" Niall rambled 

I let my gaze drift to Louis who was sat beside me answering the question. His hair was messy and his eyes were droopy...my mind wandered while staring at his beautiful glow.

"I think for one day I'd like to be....Harry! because I'd like to have curly hair!" He shouted with a grin

I beamed a huge smile at him, admiring his eyes. Kelly gestured to me which told me I would be the one asking the next question.

"Next question is from Evie and she asked, What are your guys's favorite chat up lines? Zayn?" I asked

"Vas happenin" He chuckled

"Niall?" I questioned

"Don't have one"

"Well me either then"

I skipped over Niall and Liam and left the question to Louis

"It's on you Louis" I smiled at him

He sat there quietly for a moment before blurting 

"Will you marry me?" He yelled

I smiled

"Simple but effective" I laughed

Oh how I wish it was that easy

**_video diary number 7_ **

Louis began mumbling nonsense from a random book he found in the kitchen. We were all laughing so hard that Kelly had to stop the recording for a bit.

"This question is from Anisha and Layla who would like to know, If you were a food what would it be? Personally I wouldn't want to be a food because I don't want to be eaten" Niall rambled on

"Well why wouldn't you pick a food that isn't eaten?" Louis asked

"Why wouldn't you be a spout? You should be a sprout" I mumbled with a grin

Louis smiled at me

"yeah yeah yeah because nobody eats them" He said hitting me on the shoulder with a giggle

dorks

we're honestly such idiots

but we're idiots in love

correction, idiot in love 

_unrequited love_

**_video diary number 8_ **

Louis poured salt in his hat...I'm not sure he's sane.

He's absolutely gorgeous though

Louis and I have had a great time these past couple of weeks. Of course we've had fun with the boys but I feel like we've really gotten closer. We have this banter that goes on throughout the day, he makes me laugh, and I make him laugh, etc.

He truly brightens up the room 

**_video diary number 9_ **

Louis had gotten the bright idea to dress up as a nerd and speak in a weird voice for this weeks video diary. He also said he had something else in store for all of us...

how Louis of him

We went on and on as usual until Niall and Louis started calling for help.

"Oh no! Someone needs help!" Louis yelled 

Oh dear lord what is he doing.

He rips his over shirt open to unveil a superman t-shirt 

"Superman is here!" He yelled

Kelly began to laugh hysterically at the weird outburst as did all of us. Louis settled down and set all of his props beside him.

"If you could marry any celebrity, who would it be?" Liam asked

"I would marry Megan Fox" Zayn said quickly

"Quick...Louis?" Liam questioned

He though for a moment

"Go to Harry I'll have to have a think" He spoke out

"David Hasselhoff" I answered in record time

What? He's hot.

"Oh god, Niall?" Liam said hastily skipping over what I said

"Cheryl...definitley" Niall spoke

Liam looked at Louis again with a questioning glare. He repeated the question and waited for one of Louis's weird responses.

_"and I'd marry you harry"_

Oh I hope that's a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter was kinda boring I wasn't really feeling it but I thought it would be better to post it then to trash it
> 
> I hope you all had a lovely day
> 
> stay hydrated 
> 
> all my love
> 
> (chapter 11 should be out in the next few days)


	11. chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021-present
> 
> *TW talk of suicide and overdosing*

**2021-present**

***TW talk of suicide and overdosing***

**louis's pov**

"Harry! Harry no...come on" I cried out rushing to him. I set my hand under the weight of his neck and listened for his breaths

nothing.

His level chest was no longer rising...

"Ok Louis...You know how to do this, breathe Louis breathe" I mumbled to myself

In my rough years I had dabbled in a few substances that wouldn't exactly be called legal. Now that I know the consequences of them I have stopped and sworn off them. Thanks to my therapy classes I've learned how to deal with overdoses and drug related injuries.

"C'mon you big baby" I groaned picking him up. I quickly slid his body over to the toilet and lowered his head over the bowl. I grinded my knuckles on his chest and splashed a bit of sink water onto his face before taking a deep breath and sticking my finger down his throat.

When someone OD's they only have about 3-5 minutes of unconsciousness before brain damage starts to take over. I had to be quick.

I'm not sure when he took the pills but if I do this with haste I might be able to make him puke out the toxins that were corroding his stomach.

It got to the point where after a while my violent sobs got louder and louder, i'm sure they could be heard for miles.

"C'mon Haz please, you have to make it... come on" I begged continuing to try and make him throw up.

I really didn't want to call 911, not if I knew how to handle it myself.

But if I can't save him.

I'll do it with a snap of the fingers.

I felt my life flash before my eyes, which was weird since I wasn't the one dying. I saw every moment we had together, every kiss we shared, every time our bare skin touched...

everything I lost because of a stupid contract

"Harry please I'm begging you, I can't lose you too..." I cried out trying one last time to make him throw up.

_"please" I croaked out_

He did it. He's throwing up...

"Good...good lad come on keep going now" I spoke still crying

The tears of despair turned into tears of joy within the second of seeing his body move again. He gripped the toilet and then fell limp to the floor.

"Nope come on up, up, up, you gotta walk" I said pulling his body up to his feet. Harry was a lot taller than me which meant he was a lot heavier too.

"Come on Haz you have to walk, strengthen your legs" I added throwing his arm over my shoulder

My hands were on his waist and torso pushing him upwards so he would walk standing tall. I soon realized this wasn't going to work out the way I needed it to. I let the top of his body go limp but I kept my grasp on him, making sure he wouldn't fall completely over.

Harry was slowly stumbling around his flat mumbling incoherent nonsense motioning towards the couch. I kept walking him around and around until his legs grew a tiny bit stronger, I let go of my grip on his stomach and just left me hand on his side

I noticed a neatly placed pile of papers near the array of orange empty containers and liquor bottles with the words "I'm sorry" written on it.

A suicide note.

his goodbye.

I shook my head and tore my eyes away from it trying to focus on Harry.

"Harry why would you do something like this...why were you going to leave us" I cried out

Come on Louis 

_you know why_

"Freedom..." He slurred quietly

His weak body began to grow stronger and stronger with every step around the room. The thought of getting Harry to the hospital without being caught or photographed was impossible for me to fathom. When you've been followed every where you go for the better half of your life you can no longer assume you have a private life.

"Harry we have to go to the hospital" I told him continuing to walk 

"No no I'm getting better" He spoke with a little more liveliness

"Hazza..." I mumbled as he began to push off of me 

He didn't have enough stamina to walk on his own...yet he tried.

He fell to the ground and began to sob

"Why didn't you just let me go" He spoke quietly

I broke.

"I would never let you go" I uttered picking him up again

"But you did" He swallowed with a sad look on his face

"Come on Harry don't say that...please don't say that" I said letting out a sob

I wake up every day with the consequences of my actions. When I signed that contract...I signed my life away and gave it to a group of people who's job it is to make themselves look good.

I never understood what they were doing when I was younger. As I got older I slowly figured out what their actual plan was.

Our audience was 100% teenage girls. They idolized us and created their own fantasy of us in their minds,and management knew that, that's what gave them their money. If one of us had come out as gay...it would have ruined their whole business plan.

"I just wanted to escape...you know?" He trailed on

"But this is never the answer" I spoke with a shake of my head

Harry's legs grew strong enough to support his own weight so I kept a close eye on him to make sure he was still walking. I grabbed some water from the almost empty fridge and then rummaged through the cupboard for some food.

"I didn't have the one thing that I needed for my life to matter...so I thought fuck it why not just fall asleep and pretend like none of it ever happened" He spoke numbly

His words spilled out of his mouth like he had been holding them in for all eternity. Watching him gain back his strength was the only thing that was keeping me from entering a crying fit. I saw his eyes starting to droop so I ran over to him and handed him the water.

I grabbed a wash cloth and dipped it in ice cold water. 

"You always have me...I realized my mistake and now I'm here and I'm begging for another chance. I know it might take time and understand that but I just can't lose you, I've lost a lot of important people in my life and I just can't afford to lose you" I sobbed

I pat the wet towel on his head then down to his neck...I then looked into his eyes for approval to move down to his stomach. He nodded without meeting my glance.

"I wanted to go...I really did" Harry said finally breaking into my arms. His body oozed onto mine as I stroked his hair with my fingers while he sobbed softly.

In order to try and cool him down I had to soak three more washcloths with water. 

"Eat something" I mumbled moving his hair out of his face

Harry was in a daze.

"Harry?" I spoke a bit louder with a wave of my hand

"You didn't read it...did you?" He asked staring at the table

the letter.

His eyes trickled with tears as he stared into my eyes

"No...of course I didn't" I smiled lightly

He remained silent

"Do you want to?" He mumbled.

He furrowed his eyes at me in a tired questioning look...he wanted me to read his suicide letter.

"No...I'll let you keep that to yourself" I smiled

Harry nodded his head, scooped up the pile of paper and slowly waltzed over to his room. A couple minutes went by and I started to get worried so I made my way back to his room.

"Harry!" I called out from behind the door

No response.

"Harry are you in there!" I called out again a bit louder this time

Again no response.

I opened the door to see Harry laying diagonal on his bed. I ran up to him and shook him thinking he may have passed out again.

"Ugh what" He groaned

I took a breath of relief.

"You can't sleep alone...you may um-" I started

"Die" He finished standing up next to me

He still towered over me...I missed the days where he was called my baby. The days in the house where we flirted and tossed witty banter around.

I missed it a lot

"Well I'm gonna go grab a blanket and pillow...I saw one in the living room" I said in a quiet tone. He furrowed his eyebrows then nodded his head before hopping under the covers and closing his eyes.

I walked out into the living room and was met with the view of all of the bottles of alcohol and pills he had used hours before. I screwed the bottles closed and took them back to their designated area, I was tempted to pour them out...but I didn't.

As I turned off all the lights I grabbed the blanket and pillow I mentioned and made my way back to the room. Harry was asleep I assume because his chest was rising but he wasn't responding. I set my pillow and blanket on the floor and got settled.

"Come up here" Harry mumbled

I turned my head to see him looking down at me. 

"Huh?" I questioned

"The floor is hard and cold...just come up here" He said letting a small smile come across his face.

I looked him in the eye for what seemed like minutes before I wobbled into the spot next to him on the bed. I stared at his back before closing my eyes.

I felt a movement by him...followed by another and another. He was scooting closer to me. Before I knew it he grabbed my hand and put it on his chest.

"Harry..." I whispered

"Louis" He breathed out 

I scooted closer to him.

Our body's were touching and it brought me back to when we were in Princess Park...all the times we snuck into one of the guest rooms just to be alone. His warmth brought me a feeling of safety, just like it used to.

"You really scared me Harry" I sighed

"I'm sorry, I thought I lost you...so I lost myself. I thought you'd come back eventually but I got tired of waiting and I grew numb" 

He gripped my finger which sat on his lower chest.

"It's my fault...all my fault. I married Eleanor because people told me it would be the best for my career but I wasn't listening to my heart and I lost you-" I rambled on

"Lou it's not your fault...I got in my head and let anxiety overtake me. I let myself fall into the depression not you." He consoled

He turned his body to face me and trailed his fingers through my hair. His eyes were droopy and full of despair.

"You tried to kill yourself Haz..." I cried out

He put his hand on my cheek and stroked his thumb up and down.

"But now I'm here... with you and I'm alive" He replied

"Alive enough to do this.."

He gripped my face and collided his lips with mine. It was slow and full of longing since it had been so long since we were in each others grasp.

After he pulled away he kept his hands positioned on the side of my face and stared into my eyes. I was happy that blue was meeting green once again.

_"You make me feel...alive again"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here's the continuation to chapter nine I hope you guys liked it
> 
> Tell me what you guys thought
> 
> all my love


	12. chapter twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2013-past
> 
> Harry's pov

**2013-past**

_**Harry's pov** _

"You said that the last time Louis! 'oh harry I promise I'm going to stand up to them and Eleanor won't be in the picture anymore' Really Louis?! Are you seriously going to do it this time?" I asked with greed

I knew I wasn't being open to what he was saying...I know how the contract works. It's just I'm getting sick and tired of his meaningless promises.

"I'm trying Harry! This contract isn't going to just go away and become invalid. Eleanor is a stunt, you know this! I don't understand why you're choosing to be so bothered" He yelled 

"Lose the animosity Louis. You signed the goddamn contract, and hell, I wasn't even supposed to know about it! We're living a fake relationship you know that?! You and Eleanor's "relationship" is more real than ours these days!" I shouted back at him

The boys were all at the studio so we had the bus all to ourselves. We were supposed to be on our way over there now... but that obviously won't be happening as soon as we thought.

"I love you, Harry! No one else. I've loved you since I was 18 years old and I've never stopped! A couple of stupid stunts surely wont stop that...why don't you trust me?" He questioned

I let my head fall limp to stare at my shoes...I started to feel stupid. 

Louis stepped closer to me and stroked my hair

"Bub...I love you, we'll be alright" He whispered

"I'm sorry I yelled, I hate it when we argue" I spoke softly

I grabbed Louis's neck softly and nuzzled his head into the nape of my neck. We stood there for a while just soaking in each others warmth.

"Promise me" I stopped. "Promise me that you'll never leave me" I finished. Louis smiled at me and placed a soft kiss on my collar bone.

"I promise"

-

I smiled at the fans that were watching me toss a football back and forth with one of our bodyguards. We we're performing in Hershey today but had a couple hours to spare so we just decided to go outside. I knew Niall and Liam we're in wardrobe and I'm pretty sure Zayn was taking a nap but Louis, I had no clue where he was.

It was quite a nice day, not just outside, but the day in general. I felt a lot better after Louis and I's conversation last night...but it's still kind of hard for me to sit.

_if you know what I mean_

In all seriousness, I feel a lot better about our relationship now that I know that he's going to try and stop all the stunts with Eleanor. I never want to be someone else's conquest. I trust Louis...he promised so I just have to-

"El and Louis, normal harry...act normal" The bodyguard mumbled towards me

You're joking

"Oh my god! It's Louis and Eleanor!" A fan screamed

"How cute!" Another one yelled

I watched them walk towards the backstage entrance hand in hand. Louis and his meaningless promises struck once again. I could tell that he knew I was outside...watching him and his promises fade away.

I grabbed the football and without thinking chucked it over in their direction. I would be lying if I said I didn't wish it would've hit one of them.

At this point I wasn't sure who.

I could feel my eyes prickle with tears. No one could see since I had my sunglasses on so I sat down on the cement and cried silently. I knew Louis was waiting for me inside, it's what he always did.

Whenever El and Louis were to do a pap walk they were told, and I quote, "Just act like a couple...I don't care what you do when you're out of the eyes of the public". He always waited for me...to apologize usually.

I wasn't going to accept it this time.

"Fucking hell" I mumbled to myself quietly. I sat up and wiped my tears quickly before heading into the building.

"Harry" Louis said with a guilty look on his face

I A-lined it to the dressing room and locked the door behind me.

"Harry please" He croaked. I knew he was crying just from the tone of his voice.

I stood my ground and stayed silent. My back slowly slid down the door taking my shirt with it...I sat my head between my knees and sobbed quietly.

There's another door.

I knew he was going to use it.

"Harry I'm begging you please open the door" He pleaded one last time

His footsteps were soft but still able to be picked up. The second door creaked open and the shadowy figure that was Louis Tomlinson stood there quietly.

My mind was clouded. I was used to this but after last night this one just hurt ten times more.

"You know Louis, I don't know why we cant just go back to when we were young. I loved the exact way we were before we realized we weren't living a movie. Now we're the main characters in a teenage coming-of-age love story. I'm the quiet one who is in love with the popular boy with the beautiful girlfriend" I rambled on before taking a deep breath

Louis stood there mute.

"But the plot twist is is that the popular boy secretly loves the quiet boy too. There's just one thing, he's scared of how people would react if he was seen with the unpopular, quiet nerd...so he stays in the relationship with the girl. He's not happy at all, she's dull, mean, and over powering, but he stays with her because shit, he doesn't want to be happy...he wants to be liked" I spat

"So tell me Louis, how does it feel being liked?" I spoke out one last time 

Louis sat there completely stunned unable to speak a word. He just stared at me before completely breaking down. He sat on the couch crying even louder than I was before...people could surely hear.

I felt bad for going off on him but in my defense he had promised he'd try and stop it. I sat next to him and rubbed my hand on his back, take it I was still mad at him...but I love him.

"It's true...I'm really scared Harry" He whimpered

That hurt.

"I know Lou...It's a scary world out there. But that doesn't mean that we should be kept away like animals. They can't keep us in this cage of fake love forever. I'm sorry I got so upset, I seem to be doing that a lot lately" I said with a weak chuckle

"You have every right to be upset at me Haz...my promises seem to be falling short these days. This is an odd little ordeal we've been having...I love you though" He smiled

He makes me melt oh my god 

"I love you too" I smiled back at him

I leaned my head on his shoulder just listening to the sound of everything going on around us.

"Thank god, I've been waiting outside of this door waiting for you guys to finish. All good? Got everything sorted?" Louise laughed sarcastically

"Yes Louise" Louis groaned

"Good good now please...if you don't mind, if you plan on having makeup sex please do it else where" She growled with a laugh

Louis laughed then smirked while looking me up and down

I cleared my throat.

"Well then...um- I gotta leave" I giggled

Louise laughed at the two of us chasing each other around like children. 

It was moments like these that made me love doing what I do...even if Louis and I can't be together in public, we still have each other when we're alone.

We always will

I know we will

-

Th night went well, we had a great performance...amazing crowd.

We're on the bus at the moment...I'm not sure which city is next but I know It's going to be a long ride. Louis and I were sat on the couch watching old moments of us from X-Factor. We often did this when everyone else was asleep because it took our minds off everything and reminded us of being young.

Today we decided to watch the video diaries.

"Oh my god I was so weird! Why did you like me?" Louis cackled covering his eyes

"You were cute shut up!" I replied

He was blushing with embarrassment. 

"We were so cryptic weren't we?" He spoke looking up at me

"We truly were" I laughed

We sat there for a while just looking at our young selves on the TV. We were quiet and shy towards each other, a complete 180 to how we are now. It was weird to see how we were to each other when a camera was pointed to our faces.

The fun part of watching old videos of us was the fact that we knew what happened before and after we filmed. We always found something to nit pick about the past, good or bad.

"When you got that close to me It literally took everything in me not to kiss you" I said pointing at the screen

"I wish you did...that would have made the whole flirting/bickering stage go by so much quicker" Louis smiled doing weird gestures with his hands

I laughed at him and his hand gestures

"That was the week that I knew I loved you" I admitted sheepishly

"Aweee Harry!" He cooed

He planted a kiss on my lips before pulling away and smiling at me. We stayed there admiring each others eyes 

blue and green

always a good match

"I knew I loved you from the moment we met"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know I'm sorry but I'm having writers block again
> 
> I drank two white claws while writing this so if it's bad blame it on tipsy me
> 
> see ya soooonnn


	13. chapter thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late 2011- contract era
> 
> harry's pov

**late 2011- contract era**

**_harry's pov_ **

Louis had been in there for a long time. 

People were coming in and out of the room like crazy, mostly executives and scary looking lawyers. Louis had hinted to me that something bad had happened, it wasn't till he was flown out by Simon and the rest of management to discuss a very important "deal" that I truly knew what was happening.

Paul had sat me down a few nights ago and told me why Louis wasn't going to be here with us for a couple days...little did I know I was about to get some of the worst news of my life. The worst part was, I wasn't even supposed to know.

I begged and begged to go with Louis but no one budged, except Niall.

He had overheard me arguing with Paul and Louise about wanting to go and decided to drive me there...a 7 hour drive isn't that bad when you're going to someone you love.

I twirled my feet around nervously as I stood with Niall near the doorway.

I heard the door creak open.

He walked out of the tight quarters that was the office without saying a word, but I knew...I knew.

His presence and scent waved right past me. I felt safe, I felt at home, but now home is just going to be a blank canvas apartment

No decorations

No liveliness

No personality

No _love_

A dark space with two people who don't speak the same language living in it. Two ghosts floating around not being able to touch base with reality.

That's it

Nothing was going to be the same.

I looked over at Niall almost telling him that I needed to do this. I walked over to the boy who sat next to the evil that was Simon Cowell and with everything left in me raised my hands and signed one last free sentence.

_"I will rescue you"_

The last free words that I spoke to him weren't words at all.

I will rescue you Louis.

Even if it takes everything in me.

_I **will** rescue you. _

_\--_

I slouched my way into my room after the long car ride back. I fell onto my bed with a massive headache from all the crying I had been doing the whole car ride. Louis had decided not to fly but to have someone from management drive him home.

We left around the same time so I knew he would be arriving any time now. I stared at Louis's side of the bed and began to cry again. I had no plan of sleeping in the same room as him let alone the same bed.

the couch would have to be my home for a while

The longer I let it sink in the more agitated I became. I didn't think I was going to get angry because even though my future was just taken from me, It was someone else doing it.

That's better than being broken up with right?

I heard the door close from the bedroom and just froze in my tracks like a deer in headlights. I balled my fist up trying to keep my cool but the tears began to fall and my anger started to rise

Lou walked through the bedroom door and stood in front of me quietly. He then walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I sobbed into his shoulder before a wave of anger hit me

"Why would you do that! Do you know what you just did?!" I yelled pushing him away 

I cried and cried, pounding my fists to his chest. He grabbed my wrists and tried to slowly calm me down but I only grew more heated

"Why the hell would you sign it! You ruined everything...everything! How are we supposed to last now...we were-... we were-" I slowed my punches down as I grew closer to the last word "we were supposed to be forever Louis...you promised" 

I had pushed Louis all the way to the wall when I was slamming my fists on his chest so it fit perfectly when I found myself going limp against him. He held me as he slid his back down the wall behind him.

"I had to Harry...it needed to be me and not you." He whispered into my ear while stroking my hair

I didn't respond...I just cried

Louis began to cry but I don't think he wanted me to hear since he was muffling his sobs with his sleeve. He continued making a 'shh' noise with his lips in an effort to calm me down.

He pulled me up to my feet not letting go of his grip on my waist until I was flat footed on the ground. Our eyes collided and remained locked in each others gaze for a long while before Louis broke it only for a second.

In the heat of the moment I ran up to him and planted a kiss on his lips. Louis kissed back at first but then tensed up and pulled away.

"Don't do that Harry" He spat

I looked down at my feet and sighed 

"Be free for me" He smiled before cupping his hand over his mouth, trying to mute his sobs

He walked backwards slowly till he reached the door then turned the handle and left the room leaving me alone. I walked towards the door and held the handle to try and feel his warmth.

It was like I knew then and there it would be a long time till I felt it again. I knew that everyone had already been informed of the contract because news got around fast in the music industry.

I ran out the door and grabbed Louis's arm to say one last thing

"I wont be free until you are" 

He smiled faintly and walked out the door 

I was alone in our shared home

our home that could no longer be deemed _ours_

it was just a building that housed two lovers that went wrong

-

_"Louis! I just swept take your shoes off, they're bringing in dirt!" I nagged_

_"Sorry love" He smiled  
_

_I wacked him with the dustpan and he skipped away to the kitchen as an escape. He grabbed some cream cheese from the fridge and popped his bagel in the toaster_

_"So how was Liam's family visit?" I asked continuing to sweep_

_This week was our family visiting week which meant everyone went their separate ways and spent time with their families. Louis and I got back two days early because "we needed to record" but we really just wanted to stay at our home without any wake up calls._

_"He said it was good" He responded_

_"Good good" I smiled_

_He reached in the toaster oven and grabbed his bagel before opening the cream cheese and spreading it messily. The more violent he became the more mess he made, there was even cream cheese on the floor._

_"Louis use a plate for christ's sake, you're so messy" I groaned at him_

_He stuffed his face with the bread and mumbled nonsense, trying to make fun of me. I chased him around the island with my dustpan and slipped around the floor in my snowman socks._

_"I'm literally dating a child. You're older than me and I'm the one cleaning up after you...not how I thought this relationship would go" I cackled as I caught him_

_"Well you're stuck with me so" He laughed trying to thrash out of my grip_

_I tickled his sides but once I started, he joined in. This turned into a full blown tickle fight that ended with us both exhausted on the couch._

_While we were there we decided to watch a movie. This time we were watching the notebook because it was one of my favorites._

_"Why must you only choose sappy romance movies?" Louis looked down at me_

_My head was placed right in the crook of his neck...I felt his heartbeat and every single one of his breaths._

_It was quite calming_

_"What's wrong with sappy romance movies?" I sulked. Louis looked down at me again with a chuckle and began to run his finger through my hair._

_"Nothing love...as long as I'm with you I don't care what we watch" He smiled cheekily_

_"So you'd watch Love Actual-" I started_

_"No! No! No! I will not watch that movies again, I've watched it like 500 times" He chuckled_

_It was true, I had made him watch it at least 500 times._

_"Shut up you love it" I spoke looking up at him_

_He just laughed and turned the volume on the telly up._

_Thankfully, he did like The Notebook so I didn't have to deal with his whining the whole time. He and I loved days like these, just him and I snuggled up in a blanket on the couch._

_We made it half way through the movie before Louis got hungry again, always hungry that boy._

_I paused the movie and watched Louis grab a bottle of water and a frozen pizza from the freezer. He sliced open the box and took off all the onions, he hated onions._

_He waddled over to the oven, that had just got done preheating, and slid the pizza right in while_ _doing his little microwave dance._

_He was always so cut-_

_"Louis!" I screamed_

_I watched him slip and fall and hit his head on the open cabinet door._

_The damn cream cheese._

_I ran over as quickly as I could to see the unresponsive boy with a gash in his head_

_"Louis! oh my god! Louis! Someone help!" I screamed_

_"Louis!"_

"Louis!" I spoke out breathlessly 

Heavy breathing overtook me.

I was sweating under the covers of my bed.

I squeezed my eyes shut just to make sure that it was just a dream.

I felt a shift beside me...and from the darkness a sleepy Louis Tomlinson rolled over

"shhh darling just a dream" I felt a hand on my shoulder pulling me close

Louis was still here, he didn't leave.

"Shhh love it's ok" He rubbed my forearm

I was confused on why he was being so touchy after all that happened today.

At this point our bodies were touching and our breathing patterns were syncing up. I shed one single tear before Louis's finger grazed my cheek, wiping it away.

"Does that statement from earlier still stand?" He asked sleepily

"What statement?" I asked still trying to steady my breaths

I got ahold of my breathing and started to calm down in Louis's grasp.

"You will rescue me?" He mumbled out

....

"Yes" was all I could get out.

It went silent for a while.

"Please rescue me" he sad nuzzling into me

_"please"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well there you have it I hope you guys liked this chapter
> 
> tell me what you thought in the comments
> 
> all my love
> 
> oh and happy belated 28th :)


	14. chapter fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021-present  
> Louis's pov

**_2021-present_ **

**_louis's pov_ **

I woke up this morning alone in Harry's bed. I hated waking up alone.

I soon grew worried and quickly slumped out of bed to try and find him. I noticed a empty bowl of cereal in the sink which told me that he had gotten up at least 30-ish minutes ago. As I strolled through the kitchen I got a better look at how empty it was. 

The only items in the fridge were a couple of alcoholic beverages and a bag of grapes. How did he even survive in here for so long?

I cleaned the dishes that were sat in the sink from the days before trying to pass time. I assumed that Harry was in the shower since I heard the water start from my spot in the kitchen. 

Harry usually took quick showers so I knew to expect him within the next 10 minutes. I sat myself on the couch before noticing a pill bottle container that only had two left. I picked up the bottle and read the name

Paroxetine...

Oh Hazza...

Paroxetine, an SSRI that is used to treat severe depression and anxiety that helps you by making more of the neurotransmitter serotonin available in the brain.

When did he start taking these?

Why did he need to start taking these?

I set them on the island in the kitchen as a reminder to ask him if he needed them refilled. He seemed to have a lot of prescription medication...

I traveled over to the wall of pictures he had near the TV. There were some of his family, some of the boys, some of him and his fans. Then there were a couple empty spots where I assume pictures of him and I used to be.

"Under the TV stand" I heard a voice say from the bathroom door 

I furrowed my eyes at the half naked Harry that stood in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist. I reached into the little storage container under the TV stand to find the four missing pictures from the wall.

They were all of us.

I skimmed through the pictures smiling at the ones of us from when we were kids. Harry smiled slightly then walked back into the bedroom and got dressed.

While he was in there I grabbed the photos and put them back in their designated spots. I grinned at the completed wall of memories before hearing the footsteps of Harry coming down the hall.

I contemplated swiftly taking them down but soon realized I didn't have enough time before Harry would be standing next to me.

"It's been a while since those have been up there" He smiled taking the spot next to me 

"How long exactly?" I questioned looking into his eyes

He thought for a moment

"Actually not that long, the day I found out you and El were getting married" He spoke 

I furrowed my eyebrows with guilt not knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled out quietly

Harry stared at me for a while not saying a word but then stepped closer to me and pulled me into a tight hug. It was the type of hug he used to give me when we won awards.

I wrapped my arms around him and set my head on his shoulder just like I used to. Harry broke the hug and just stood there before nodding and heading over to the kitchen.

"Why are these over here?" He asked pointing at the almost empty pill bottle

I erased all of the questions from my brain because I didn't want to intrude so I just lead with,

"Oh I was going to ask if you wanted me to get it refilled, I was planning on going to the store today to pick you up some things anyway" I rambled 

"Oh um I can come with you if you need" He added

"I think you still need to rest" I smiled

He nodded and made his way over to window to check for paparazzi. I knew that at some point in the day I would get some sort of photo taken of me, whether that be taken by a fan or a group of paparazzi. 

"You should be good to head out now, Do you know where my pharmacy is? The one connected to the Sainsbury's?" He asked 

"Yep I know where it is" I smiled

I grabbed my keys and slipped my shoes on before grabbing my coat and signature hat. 

"I'll be back in like an hour or so, ok?" I ensured 

"Yes Louis I'll be fine" He chuckled

I smiled and jingled my keys at him before making my way out the door and down to where I had parked my car the night before. 

I would be lying if said that I wasn't scared to leave Harry alone, he had already been alone for a long time. My worst nightmare would be coming back with all the stuff to see him passed out on the floor, I was lucky I came when I did yesterday or that may have been the outcome.

I checked around the corner to make sure no one was in the parking garage with large cameras and big SUV's.

"Louis over here!"

_fuck_

"Louis what are you doing in this complex? Already moved on from Eleanor?" one of the men shouted

I stayed mute and opened my car door

"This happens to be your ex band mates Harry Styles flat complex...Is there any way you were here with him?" I heard from the crowd of Paparazzi

"I was simply just helping an old friend, now can I please move my car?" I asked trying to be polite

They remained placed in front of my car with their cameras

"Who were you helping?"

"Where are you going now?"

I was getting agitated but I knew to keep it in.

"Listen guys, I don't know what you want to hear from me but I was just making sure a friends was ok. Now if you could please step away from my car I need to be somewhere" I responded

They stepped away from the car and continued to point their cameras in my face. I kept my head straight and focused on the road, I knew there was going to be an article up but I just ignored the thought.

-

_ding_

_They got you I see?_

_*one item attached*_

Harry.

I clicked on the screenshot to see an article from Peoples Magazine talking about my encounter with the paparazzi earlier.

**_Louis Tomlinson seen coming out of ex bandmate Harry Styles flat complex_ **

_"I was simply just helping an old friend"_

I chuckled at the article and continued loading the groceries into the car. I decided to call Harry to make sure I had everything that he needed.

"Hey Haz, I got all the essentials for you and I also got stuff to make dinner for the next couple of days. I saw some of those blueberry water boiled bagels that you like and picked up a couple, I hope you still like them or else I would have to give them to that scary neighbor of yours and she gives me the cr-" I rambled

"Louis, I love them so you don't have to talk to Mrs. Lesley don't worry" He said letting out a chuckle

"It's good to hear you laugh again" I spoke smiling

I loaded the last bit of stuff into the car and hoped in

"Shit I forgot your prescription hold on, stay on the phone" I realized

I turned off the car and jogged back inside

"Do you know what to get?" He asked

"Paroxetine" I stated going back into the store

I made my way to the pharmacy attached to the Sainsburys with my cellphone between my shoulder and my ear. 

"Hi I need to pick up a prescription for someone" I smiled at the lady over the counter

I still had Harry on the phone just in case I needed some weird information in order to pick it up.

"Ok, Name and Birthday please?" She asked

"Harry Styles, February 1st, 1994" I replied quickly

She clacked the keyboard with her fingers then looked up at me with a questioning look.

"Relationship?" She questioned

I sat for a second before hearing a quiet voice in my ear

"Don't worry, say it...prove the world wrong" Harry whispered

I swallowed

"Boyfriend" I smiled

"Alright, can I see your ID?" She asked

It felt good to see such a normal reaction. I was told all my life that It was a horrible horrible thing, so it felt uplifting.

"I'll get that for you right now" She smiled once again before going into the back

I sat on the little bench in the waiting area and waited for Harry to speak. I was a tad bit confused because I wasn't able to call him my boyfriend in public ever really

"Feels weird doesn't it" He spoke out

I could hear his weak smile from here

"Yeah" I laughed "But I'm not really, or am I?"

You could cut the tension with a knife.

"I'm here to be anything you need Hazza, and whenever you're ready to make the decision of what, I'll will still be here" I ensured

"Prescription for Harry" The lady called from the counter 

I grabbed the bag from out of her hand and made my way through the store without being recognized. I made sure that I kept my head down all the way through the parking lot until I reached my car

"Well I'll see you when I get there" I concluded as I started the car once again

"Be safe" He yelled from where I would guess the kitchen

He always walked when he was on the phone, couldn't sit still that one.

We said our goodbyes and I began driving back to the house which left me and my thoughts. 

_"Hi I'm Harry Styles and this new single, Golden"_

Oh?

I didn't know he had a new single out

I smiled listening to the lyrics while maintaining eyes on the road

_"He is golden, he is broken, and I'm hoping...hoping someday you'll open, I know that your scared because I'm so open"_

I knew the words he was singing were about me just by the way he was paraphrasing them. He was out of breath and in pain...

And the last line _I know that you're scared because I'm so open._ When we got back together after the contract we had this long talk about our lives. In that conversation Louis went into deep detail about why he did what he did.

The one thing he would say to me when I was scared was

_I know that your scared but one day I'm hoping_ _we can be open._

Then I would cry and cry into his chest.

But now that I'm with him I know that one day we will be open.

I just know it

-

I decided to make the only dish I knew how to make

The one dish I made that Harry actually liked

Chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in Parma ham with a side of homemade mash

Harry was normally the cook but when I did cook it was usually either this or a tv dinner. It was a bit of an inside joke between the boys and I, the fans caught on eventually too.

As the oven beeped I noticed Harry staring at the pictures on the wall but ignored it for a moment to get the food out.

I placed the two chicken breasts on the plates and dumped a spoonful of mash potatoes right along side of them. Harry remained stood by the picture wall so I grabbed his plate and walked it over to him.

"What is it?" I questioned looking at the man

He grabbed a picture of the two of us from a concert a while back.

He pointed to the both of us and quietly spoke

_"Does the little one with the cheekbones know that the prince is **still** in love with him"_


	15. chapter fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021- continuation to last chapter
> 
> Louis's pov and Harry's pov
> 
> flashback to 2011-

**_2021- continuation to last chapter_ **

**_Louis's pov and Harry's pov_ **

**_flashback to 2011-_ **

_Harry was sat just in the other room, only a wall separating us._

_I wasn't sure when he would make eye contact with me again or if he ever would. I also wasn't sure if he would ever speak to me again, which is why I'm writing a letter. Who knows when he'll read it, if ever._

_I thought for a while, trying to decide whether to spill my heart out into this letter or just explain myself and say sorry. The air swirled with silence and smelled of lavender, I stared at the little wallflower Harry had snuck into our room and let out a miniature chuckle._

_I let my eyes focus on the blank sheet of paper and set the ball of the pen on the first line. Everything started flowing to my brain and I began to write. Tears began to fall and my heart began to beat, I knew this letter wasn't going to be shared with him anytime soon._

_Around 30 minutes passed and I finished the letter but Harry had rushed me because he had to take a shower. I folded the piece of paper into a small little square and shoved it into a slot in my wallet, who knew how long it would be in there for._

_My mind drifted to a couple nights ago when Harry and I fell asleep in each others arms because of his nightmare. I thought that was how it was going to be from then on but it's been 5 days and he's just grown more and more cold._

_I let my head rest on a throw pillow on the couch but seemed to have gotten too comfortable and fell into a deep sleep. I grew to like the days that I got to sleep because it meant I could numb myself of all feelings for hours. It sounds horrible and morbid I know but I just-...Sometimes you just need a break from everything, you know?_

_-_

_harry's pov-_

"does the little one with the cheekbones know that the prince is **still** in love with him?" I spoke out

I sat there staring at him for a second trying to read his facial expressions.

"Are you sure?...not about the statement but, you know, about us?" Louis stumbled out "Would we still work?"

I sat down on the stool next to him

"I would hope so" I smiled letting my dimple show

We stared into each others eyes like we just realized we loved one another.

"Like I said Harry, I'm here for you and it will remain that way until I know that you are 100% better. It's up to you to decide my role and I'm not in any hurry so take your time, think about this" He grinned 

I nodded taking a bite of my chicken

"I've always loved you, you know that right?" I spoke between bites. I know I should probably be giving this conversation my full attention but the food is just so good and Louis knew how much I liked it when he cooked this.

"I know...I've always loved you too and I know that may sound foreign when it's coming out of my mouth but it's true" He breathed out as if he'd been waiting to say that for years

We ate in silence, but it was a good silence. It gave us time to take a deep breath and let go of all of our fears. During this wave of silence a memory clouded my thoughts.

I grabbed my wallet out of my pocket and pulled out a picture.

"Wow...I didn't even think it would still be in here" I mumbled

Louis looked over at me with a confused glare.

"When we were younger I always had a picture of you slipped into my wallet but I didn't think it would still be in here" I chuckled softly

He smiled at the old picture of himself.

"That's adorable" He perked up as he nudged me

"The real question is, why do you still have the same bloody wallet? Like who keeps their wallet for over 7-" He went on

It was like he saw a ghost. His eyes widened and he sat there without saying a word. I grabbed the plates and put them in the sink to clean them but heard a quiet rumbled of paper being unfolded. I turned around to see his wallet spread across the island table and a piece of tattered old paper that sat in his hands. 

Louis looked somewhat at peace. He stared at piece of paper and studied the writing that filled both the front and back.

He frowned then let out almost a half chuckle.

"What?" I laughed back at him with my eyebrows furrowed

He slid the piece of paper in my direction.

"This, is for you. I wrote it the week I signed the contract" He said tapping the paper with his pointer finger "It's probably about time you read it".

"And you call me out for keeping my old wallet" I spat sarcastically

"Shut it and read it" He spoke with not a smidge of happiness rising in his voice

I read the first line and realized, this wasn't going to be a happy letter.

_**For Haz,** _

_**I've thought for many hours on how to start this letter but nothing original could come to mind. I didn't want to be that guy and start off with 'I'm sorry' because I knew it would seem as if I searched up a cheesy apology video and just copied what they said.** _

**_You are sat in the kitchen probably chowing down on your stupid blueberry bagels. You always loved those things, sometimes more than me I would say._ **

**_There's a barrier between us now and I'm not sure it will ever be broken, but if by chance one day it falls, this is my apology._ **

**_When I was younger I didn't know what to think, I was questioning my sexuality and just couldn't seem to find myself. Then you were planted into my life for some strange reason and everything seemed to fall into place._ **

**_We were put in a boyband at 16 and 18 years old with no knowledge of who we would become._ ** **_Then we toured together which was magical because I got to spend every minute of everyday with my friends and the love of my life._ **

**_The love of my life...I've never told you that in actual speaking words but If you ever read this then I'll guess you'll find out._ **

**_The moment we shared eye contact for a little too long to be just friends or the first time our lips touched._ **

**_I remember it, all of it._ **

**_I vowed to protect you at all costs when we started dating and I know this sounds cheesy but you were my only priority. I promised Anne that I would take care of you and with this contract, I am protecting you. Even though it doesn't feel like it, just know that I'd rather see you be free and have my personality sucked out of me then to see you miserable._ **

**_My hope is that you find someone who makes you feel like you're the only one they see, you are their top priority._ **

**_With every working bone in my body I wish that could be me but people like us just can't be accepted in society I guess. Sometimes I just want to go like ten years into the future and meet you...maybe things would have been different._ **

**_I'd like to think that our paths would've collided at one point. Maybe our souls were always attached but just couldn't find each other in the right living moment._ **

**_Everyday I got to see you was a good day. The days you were in the studio, I spent them folding your clothes or listening to the songs you wrote that you put on my phone for only me to hear. You made it so hard to say goodbye that we never did, it was always "I love you" or "Just one more dance in the fridge light?" or "kiss me till you leave"._ **

**_Never goodbye._ **

**_You're banging on the door as we speak, telling me you need to take a shower. That's my cue to finish up._ **

**_Like I said, never goodbye._ **

**_So what do you say?_ **

**_Tell me you love me while dancing in front of the dim lit fridge then kiss me till you leave._ **

**_I don't care if we're 30 years old_ **

**_or if we're on our fucking death beds_ **

**_Just please_ **

**_Let's make one more memory before I'm forced into being someone I'm not_ **

**_Oh, one last thing._ **

**_Teach you're next love how to bloody clean up after themselves, I heard the last one was a slob._ **

**_Always in my heart,_ **

**_yours forever_ **

**_Louis._ **

I wiped the tears that were streaming down my face and swiftly locked eyes with Louis who sat in front of me trying to hide his tears. I didn't know what to say, the hurt that riddled through this letter shook me to the core. When I was younger I guess I never really fully took into consideration how much Louis was going through.

I set the letter down and walked two steps over to the fridge and opened it. Louis shook his head and laughed before making his way over to the fridge light.

I pulled him into a hug then separated a tad to rest my hands on his waist. We began to dance like we did when we were kids but this time it was more meaningful.

"I do agree with the person who wrote this though, Louis was quite a slob" I snickered at him

Louis gasped sarcastically and pushed away from me. I began to chase after him but he was too quick that I slipped on the floor and almost fell straight on my ass. I recovered from my slip and caught him in my arms right in front of the fridge where we started.

"I'm sorry though Louis, I truly am" I whispered as the hug grew tighter

"So am I" He mumbled from within the crook of my neck

We stood there for a while, it was a common occurrence from within our relationship...touch seemed to be both of our love languages.

"Now what were the other things mentioned at the end...hmm" I pondered sarcastically 

Louis looked up at me with his mouth wide open in pretend shock before turning it into a smile.

"You sure?" He asked knowing what I was hinting towards

"Only if you are" I smiled

And with that our lips collided for the first time in 5 years. It was soft and loving which didn't shock me since it had been so long. The kiss went on and on until the two of us were out of breath.

"It's been quite a bit since we've done that" Louis laughed

I smiled before recognizing the familiar situation.

"5 years, 71 days, 42 minutes, and 11...12...13 seconds" I smiled trying to see if he would remember my remark

"Oh no not this again, You dork!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter it was quite fun to write
> 
> happy national coming out day loves!
> 
> just know that you are loved and wanted whether you're able to be out or not
> 
> all my love


	16. chapter sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2011-past
> 
> Louis's pov

**2011-pas** **t**

**louis's pov**

The day is July 12th, 2011.

It's actually quite a big day. Today is the day that we start filming our first ever music video. We've been super excited to film it every since What Makes You Beautiful was released. 

We haven't been told much but to my knowledge we're heading over to a beach and they'll tell us what to do when we arrive. We already knew the general concept of the video as they had told us when everyone was pitching ideas. It was going to be a candid sort of music video with only a little bit of structure.

"Lou!" I heard from the other room

"Yeah Hazza?!" I yelled back knowing it was Harry who had yelled my name

My family calls me Louis, My friends call me Lewis, and my Harry calls me Lou.

He was the only one who ever called me that.

To be frank, I do call him a bunch of nicknames that wouldn't be deemed normal in the eyes of a normal relationship but we both do it equally. Harry was usually Haz, Hazza, Sun, or anything I came up with that day, but those were usually the ones that I used the most.

I walked over to the living room where Harry yelled, as I had assumed earlier, and let a questioning look rest on my face.

"We get to go to the beach and drive along the road and go in the water-" Harry rambled

"Harry sweetheart slow down, you know you need to" I smiled at him. Harry had quite a large speech impediment as a kid and had taken many speech classes in order to help it. Ever since then he has had to speak quite slowly in order to keep his breathing steady to not induce an asthma attack.

"Sorry I'm just excited. It's going to be so fun!" I laughed at the boy then pulled him close 

"You're really cute when you're excited" I whispered into his ear

He blushed and giggled sheepishly.

"Ok lovebirds c'mon now I just wanted some Maltesers" Niall groaned from the doorway

The boys have been super supportive of Harry and I ever since we confirmed it to them. They told us that they had always knew something was going on but chose to let us tell them ourselves. We're really lucky to have people around us that support our relationship.

I looked at Harry then looked back and the blonde boy who stood beside us and laughed before grabbing Harry's shoulders and pressing my lips onto his to annoy Niall.

"C'mon guys at least let me get my camera!" Niall spoke sarcastically

"Piss off Niall" I laughed 

He went around us as we stopped kissing and grabbed a handful of Maltesers and began pelting us with them.

"Niall! Don't make me hurt you!" I yelled throwing the chocolate balls back at him

"Bring it on old man!" He encouraged

Harry stood there with his eyes wide open in disbelief that we were throwing tiny little candies at each other as if we were back in grade 1.

"Boys! Boys! Stop making a mess and get yourselves ready, we have to go shoot! We're going be there until dark so bring a light coat in case it gets cold" He warned before leaving the room

We cleaned up the mess we made and made our way back to what we were doing before. Harry and I sat on the couch all nestled under a blanket to take a quick nap. His small body was on mine with his head resting in between the top of my shoulder and the nape of my neck. 

"Hey Lou?" Harry whispered into my ear

"Yes love?" I replied running my hand through his curls

"What do you think would have happened if we never met?" He asked quietly

The question sent shivers through my body.

"Hazza...why do you even ask that?" I asked in a soft tone. Harry looked up at me and smiled a small grin.

"I don't know...I've just been thinking about it lately. Would our lives be the same?" He spoke out setting his head back down

"I'd find you one day" I smiled down at him "I couldn't live my life without you"

I felt his smile against my skin

"When we were kids we were fire and gasoline, no one knew what would happen" I took a breath before continuing "There was always a chance that we would explode, and there still is, it brings a sense of danger, doesn't it?" 

He looked up at me and nodded almost as if I was telling a story.

"When you add gasoline to a fire, the fire grows. The gasoline helps build the fire up but doesn't get any help in return. It sits there and watches the fire grow into something it needs to be. But without the fire the gasoline has no purpose, it simply sits there" I told holding in a whimper

I'd been having a strange feeling lately...like our management had been keeping something from us. I usually waved it off but it's been really bugging me lately.

"But what matters is that I have you and I love you" I spoke kissing him on the head

"Do you think we'll always be together?" He whispered

"Man you're full of questions today" I chuckled smiling at him

He laughed and looked up to me once again

"Do you?" He repeated

"Of course I do" I answered rubbing my hand on his back

Harry giggled his cute little laugh and placed a kiss on my neck before readjusting his position and slowly drifting asleep. I shut my eyes before being cut off by his slow voice one last time.

"We should get married here under the stars, it's always so pretty at night time. The entrance hall could have blue and green flowers and cute little decorations in the middle of the tables. The boys would all be there and our families would get along and be happy for us...maybe one day" He said with a saddened tone

"My one true wish is to be able to make that happen and I know one day we will be able too. I don't care if we're 70 years old, I will always stay by your side because I'll love you forever" I rambled out

"Forever?"

"Forever"

-

"Alright boys! The girls are here!" The director shouted at us

We were told that Harry and one of the girls would be sort of like the b plot of the music video. He was going to sing to her and run around with her as a signal to a blooming romance. I found it humorous.

I never knew why people got jealous even when they knew that their person only had eyes for them. Harry told me over and over that it was just for the music video and I knew that, he didn't even have to tell me in the first place.

We had been filming since around noon. Most of the time we had just been walking on the beach and driving around. Now that the girls were here the actual storyline began to unfold.

Right now we're all waiting for Harry to finish his shot with his "love interest". He got really close to her and mouthed the words while looking straight into her eyes. After every shot Harry backed up nervously and it was always so adorable.

He walked over to me and I began talking to the camera. I put my arm around his shoulder and put my acting voice on.

"We have some news that I think you guy's should be aware of...Harry here has-" I started

Harry covered my mouth and shook his head while smiling

"I've got to say it" I spoke out grabbing his hand and placing it on my heart

Harry mumbled out a quiet "No" before gripping the top of my shirt and tugging it down slightly as a fake plea.

"Harry has fallen deeply in love...it was blossoming from the start" I smiled trying to keep a straight face

I grabbed his cheeks and made him mouth the words "I love her" before laughing and making my way back over to the boys.

We sat down on the sand and waited for the director to tell us to do something. I sat there for so long that my brain started thinking of something strange.

"Harry" I whispered

No response

"Harry!" I whispered a bit louder

"What? What?" He whispered back

I reached in my pocket and jingled the keys to the van in front of his face.

"What do you think?" I asked with a devious grin

He hesitated for a moment before looking around

"Let's do it" He laughed quietly

We looked around and noticed that the other lads were talking to the girls and playing footie. I snuck around the corner and gestured to Harry that it was all clear. We ran as fast as we could to the car, quickly started it, and took off.

The music was quite loud so I'm not sure if they heard the car being started but we did get away without them noticing.

"It's so pretty out here at night" Harry spoke with his head out the window

I turned the radio on in response to Harry's statement and just focused on the bright light that he was.

"You think we will ever be able to tell people?" I asked 

My brain started jumbling up again but there was one thought in particular that was new. What did it matter if other people loved you if you didn't even love yourself

"Oh look who's asking the questions now" Harry snickered

"I'm serious!" I laughed

Harry looked at me with a fond smile and simply nodded before answering

"I hope so Louis, I really do" He spoke out with a hand on my shoulder

I smiled at him then put my eyes back on the road. My thoughts began fighting, there was one side who was saying you'll be happy and will be able to be open soon...then there was the other that scared me. It told me that we were just too dangerous for each other, that at any minute we would explode.

It scared me.

It really truly did.

All I ever want in life is for Harry to be happy.

He's the happiest person I've ever met and I knew he'd always be that way.

I saw the sun when he smiled and when he laughed I saw my future.

My future was with him, only him.

and that's all I could ever need.

_It would just be the two of us and the stars that shined at night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here you guys are  
> sorry if it was kind of boring I've been really busy lately with work  
> make sure to tell me what you think  
> stay hydrated and i love you :)


	17. chapter seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021-present
> 
> harry's pov

**2021-present**

**harry's pov**

I woke up to the familiar feeling of Louis's arms around me. It gave off a sense of nostalgia and innocence that I hadn't felt in a long time. Since last night Lou and I decided that we were going to take things slow, almost like we were kids again. We had been forced apart for so many years that we didn't know half the things we once knew about each other. 

"Morning Lou" I groaned out in my raspy morning voice

"Morning sun" He barely whispered. He sat up and looked at me smiling before reaching over and pulling my body closer to his.

"No, no, no, come on we got to get up" I said pulling him up off the bed

Louis groaned while refusing to get out of the bed but I continued to pull him.

I eventually gave up and made my way into the kitchen humming random songs that popped into my head. My mind trailed to the times when Louis and I would do Twitcams when were were kids, teenage dream playing in the background, me singing the lyrics to him...I'm glad I got to grow up with him. Even though my teen years weren't exactly perfect, being with him made them a whole lot more tolerable.

"Is there any possible way that a human can sleep forever? Seriously I feel like I just got drunk for the first time" Louis said trudging out of the room

"That bad? I was there when you first got drunk and you were out of it! You tried kissing me in front of Simon, which I guess would have been hilarious" I laughed as I watched him slip around my floor

He glared at me and took an iced coffee out of the fridge

"I'm sorry I was piss drunk and wanted to kiss my boyfriend" He chuckled

He wasn't my boyfriend at the time

"We weren't dating yet sweet cheeks" I gawked at him sarcastically

"Doesn't mean I didn't want to baby cakes" He snickered back at me

I laughed at the familiar nickname before being hit with a look back into my past. We were allowed to be so free at first and to have that all taken away, it broke us. Our lives were at the top of the rollercoaster but we didn't know that they would soon be plummeting beneath us.

That's the thing about rollercoasters, not many people will be able to see you at your peak because everything starts going uphill but then it stops for a mere two seconds before everything goes back down again. Everything has to be completely balanced for it to stay at the top, no extra weight can pull it down.

"You know when we did those silly livestreams?" I asked taking a sip from his coffee. Louis looked at me then looked back at the coffee I just stole from him.

"Ok first of all, get your nasty hands off my coffee I need that...but yeah I remember, why?" He said with a snarky tone

I ruffled his hair as I walked past him to grab a bagel.

"I loved doing those. In fact, you remember when we were in the hotel room and we played a bunch of girly songs? I was singing them all to you but you kept switching the songs and never seemed to notice" I smiled 

He grinned right back at me and rubbed his soft hand on my bare back.

"Well I wish I would have noticed...and besides I loved you first anyway so I'm sure I would have found out eventually" He mumbled with his cheek against my back

"Yeah yeah I know I know...you weren't secretive about it" I giggled

He looked at me with a huge smile and a look of disbelief on his face

"Hey! I was like 18! I thought you were cute then we kissed at The Battle of the Bands and then we were magically put in a band together, it was the universe I'm telling you!" Louis ranted

"You're unbelievably dorky you know that?" I chuckled

Louis stuck his middle finger up at me then popped his new found breakfast tart into the microwave.

As the microwave spun I began to notice Louis doing something that I hadn't seen in ages, his little 'waiting for the microwave' dance.

"I can't believe you still do that, It's been 10 years!" I said with a laugh

Louis looked at me then frowned before stopping in his tracks.

"Lou...Louis c'mon, Louisss...ugh fine I'll dance with you! Will that make you feel any better?" I groaned

He smiled before he reached his hand out to connect with mine

"Fancy going ballroom dancing?"

"I say we should old chap...away to it now?

-

Louis and I have been sitting here talking about how we were going to tell the public. Since neither of us were under Modest! anymore we didn't have to worry about being closeted. We finally decided on not coming out publicly until we were comfortable with where our relationship was. But today was the first day we were going out together.

We were going to go have a meeting with both our new management teams to tell them about the new found relationship sort of thing we have going on.

"Hazza! Come on we're going to be late!" Louis yelled from the doorway

"Doing my hair!" I yelled back

"You're always doing your hair, now hurry up!" He snapped back at me with a chuckle

I looked at him with a straight face and shook my head side to side before breaking into a fit of laughter.

"It takes time Louis" I growled

"Your hair isn't even to your shoulders" He said with a slight laugh

It was true, and I wasn't even doing my hair (even though it is something that I would do) I was overthinking my words and psyching myself out. The last time we did this it didn't exactly go as planned

_it's been ten years_

"Louis what if this goes absolutely horrible, what if it's like the last time?" I asked finally walking out of the bathroom

Louis looked at me with a sympathetic look

"We wouldn't be about to go out in public alone together for the first time in like 8 years if we didn't want change. If they don't accept us...fire the assholes, and don't tell me that we don't have the power because we hold the power to ruin their careers with the snap of our fingers" he ensured rubbing his hand on my shoulder

"You're right, let's give the world something to talk about it" I smirked

"That's the Hazza I know and love!" He grinned while opening the door

We walked down the hallway messing around like we were kids again, pushing and racing each other all the way to the parking garage. Louis decided to drive which meant we would be either going 20 miles over the speed limit or 20 under, no in between. 

The way there we got a couple stares from who I'm guessing were fans which made me quite nervous. Louis noticed, set his hand on mine which was placed on my knee and rubbed his thumb against my skin.

As Louis parked in the parking lot everything began to hit me all at once. We were really doing this, we were about to relive our coming out story

just hopefully it didn't end like the first time.

"Harry!.....Louis?" James, one of the members of my management team said with glee 

"Hiya James" I smiled

"This is a new...sight" He chuckled

James was the one person who always accepted us...Ironically he always believed that this day would come.

"Don't tell me...you guys-" He stopped

I smiled at him and waved my hand in a 'so so' motion.

"Sort of...we'll explain inside" I smiled

I heard a slight "yes!" from James as we walked inside which made me chuckled. A member of Louis's management walked by and greeted him with a hug before whispering something into his ear.

I heard it.

_"Simons here"_

I gasped

"He's what!" I yelled out 

"We're not under his ruling anymore, why the hell is he here!?" Louis added

We walked up the stairs to find the whole of both of our management teams crammed into one meeting space. Two lines of fancy looking people in fancy looking suits and dresses that led up to the man that was, Simon Cowell.

"Boys" He smirked

"Cowbell" Louis retorted

"Good to see you two again" He added sarcastically

I stuck near Louis and made sure I didn't make eye contact with Simon.

"Why are you here" I finally spoke out more as a statement then a question

"I could ask you the same question now couldn't I?" He said with a devious smirk

I clenched my fist as my blood began to boil but in a spilt second Louis was there with his hand in mine. Simon looked down at our joined hands and laughed.

"Does this make you angry Simon? Does it scare you like it should? Is there going to be another contract? I don't know if you know this or not Mr. High Almighty Simon Cowell but you don't own us anymore, we aren't kids, we don't need to listen to you anymore. You can't control us any longer" Louis went on

"You wouldn't have a career if it weren't for me so I'd suggest you watch your mouth" Simon egged on

I squeezed Louis hand as hard as I could.

"You may be right about that but at least I would still have Louis" I piped in

"I would take Louis over fame any day" I said looking back at him

Simon stood there with his arms crossed and a dead look in his eyes.

"We have the power to ruin your career...I wonder what they could get you for? A white collar crime? Malpractice within the music industry? Maybe even a hate crime these days. Now that wouldn't look good on every single newspaper, news article, or news station now would it? "One Direction stars bring to light their horrid young lives under the management of Simon Cowell" or maybe even "Simon Cowell arrested for malpractice" you wouldn't like that would you?" I spat

Simon stood there still not saying a word.

"You stripped me of my personality and told me that who I was was horrible and that it was a sin to love who I wanted. You ruined me, you ruined Harry...you ruined us. We were utterly mortified of you, you threatened to end all of our careers because we loved each other...Now how the hell does that makes sense?" Louis spoke as a tear dripped down his cheek

"You had no right to tell a child that they couldn't love who they wanted to, then proceed to tell them that no one would ever support them. I was like seventeen! I wasn't even an adult yet! and if I was I'd only been one for the same amount of time it took you to make the decision of separating us" I added beginning to cry

I looked around the room and saw all both of our management teams with their jaws on the floor. Simon just scoffed and began walking to the door but Louis and I stepped in front of him.

"You have to live with the fact that you took two young boys who were in love and separated them before making one of them sign their lives away to you. The reason they cried themselves to sleep at night was because of something that you did." Louis added

I stepped closer to Simon so that our faces were only inches apart

"So thank you for making us stronger but with every ounce of my old personality I have left in my body, I hope you **_rot in hell_** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really liked this one  
> revenge arc...?? hmm  
> stay hydrated and stay safe  
> :)


	18. chapter eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2011-past
> 
> Louis's Pov

**2011-past**

**Louis's Pov**

"We can paint the door a bright yellow so it stands out from all the other houses and...-and we can have a fruit garden so we can make smoothies and fruit tarts just as you like. Then we can adopt a baby girl or boy or whatever they choose to be and we can spoil them and love them...together" I ensured the boy whos head was sat on my lap

Harry was having a difficult time with not being able to tell the public about our relationship. It broke him each time we had to deny it, and don't get me wrong it hurts me too but it's just been hurting him a little extra lately.

"But what if it all gets taken away from us, like they all say it will. All I hear every two seconds is "oh a love like that will never last", Maybe not from the fans but the big corporations and celebrities and I'm so sick of it!" He cried out covering his face with his hands

"Love, I promise you that I will always be here and if they try and split us apart I will do my best to protect you, even if I can't protect us. I will always protect you over anything else because without you I'm simply just another lonely soul wandering the streets" I said stroking his curls

I looked at him lovingly before gradually getting up from my spot to grab him a glass of water. He sat up, wiped his tears, and grabbed the glass from my hand.

"I have a meeting with management today, do you wanna come?" I asked with a smile

He smiled at me before answering

"Of course"

I gave him a kiss on the forehead then slid my hand around him and pulled him into a hug. He nuzzled his face into my shoulder and squeezed as hard as he could

"Calm down you're gonna pop me!" I laughed

"Don't care" He giggled

"Harry!" I chuckled giving him a little shove

-

**_switch to Harry's pov_ **

"Harry? I didn't know you were coming too" Simon said as we walked through the door

"Just here to keep him company" I said putting on a fake smile

Just seeing his face gave me a horrid feeling.

"Well that's better actually, there's someone I want you two to meet" He spoke while guiding us to his office

We walked into the office to see a couple other management workers sat in front of, what looked like, a girl around Louis's age. She had silky brown hair, brown creamy eyes, and a slim build.

"This is Eleanor, Eleanor Calder" Simon spoke out gesturing to the girl

I smiled at her and complemented her boots

"I'm Harry by the way" I grinned

"Nice to meet you" She smiled back with a bit of a shy look

"You must be Louis, I've heard a lot about you" She added turning to the boy beside me

"Hello..." He responded hesitantly

Simon looked at the pair then let his eyes settle on me.

"Harry this is where I ask you to leave the room for a moment, ok?" He said eagerly almost shooing me out of the room

"Oh...ok" I mumbled quickly, maintaining eye contact with Louis

It was at that moment that our eyes filled with fear and innocence almost like we knew what was coming next. 

**_if only we truly knew what would be happening in the next few months_ **

Louis spent a good chunk of the hour in there just talking with Simon and Eleanor. I was getting really nervous and antsy waiting outside of the door because I had no clue what they were talking about.

The door slowly creaked open and the tall brunette stepped out.

"It was nice meeting you Harry, I look forward to seeing you again" She smiled 

Seeing me again?

"Yeah...you too" I spoke hesitantly 

In a matter of seconds Louis stepped out of the door and began to walk over to me

"Is everything alright?" I asked with a frightened tone

"Oh yeah...of course" He said faintly 

He was lying.

"Are you sure?" I asked again

Louis said nothing, just nodded his head and began walking.

"Louis?" I asked as we got in the car

He started the car and set his forehead on the steering wheel

"Yes love?" He answered picking his head off the wheel

"Are you sure everything is alright?" I asked once again

He remained silent

"Lou...?" I chirped

"Everything's alright sun, _I promise_ " 

**\-------**

It's been four months since Louis has said more than a sentence to me. I woke up each day not knowing what I was going to be living like. I didn't get that much of an explanation, if any at all.

I waited each day at our door way for Louis to come home just hoping that he would at least greet me. Day after day of disappointment I finally stopped waiting for him and just sat in what was now deemed 'my room'.

Louis went from our bed, to the couch, then the guest bedroom within the span of maybe two weeks. It was as if Louis was just renting out a room in my place, that's how rarely we talked now a days.

I hated it

I missed my Lou

After the night of the contract signing, when I had my nightmare, everything seemed to go downhill. Louis began to not speak to me even when we weren't in the eyes of the public and it scared me...

Was he forgetting about me?

Did I not matter to him anymore?

There were so many questions that circled round and round in my head... but eventually they all faded because I lost hope.

I got up from my spot on the waiting room couch and made my way to the meeting room where management called a "little check up" for Louis and I. This was going to be the first time that I'd be able to talk to him without getting silence or a shake of the head.

"Harry!" Simon said with a fake smile

"Hello" I spoke weakly

My eyes immediately trailed to Louis who was sat on the leather couch on the opposite side of the room. Simon guided me to the chair near where he was sat before traveling behind his desk and settling down in his seat.

"So how have you guys been?" Simon asked almost as if he was trying to mock us

I didn't say a word.

"Good" Louis eventually mumbled

"Great to hear, but that's not why I called you guys here today. I have received an email from my higher up who brought something to my attention. There is a video going around of you two messing around outside of a venue...this ended with a passionate hug and kiss. This is not acceptable and I don't care if it was before the contact...still unacceptable." Simon growled looking at the two of us

I could feel my eyes starting to swell up with tears. Louis looked at me and noticed before looking down at his shoes to break the tension.

"Harry I'm gonna ask you to step outside for a moment" Simon smiled

Oh how I wanted to slap that smile right off his bigoted face.

"Of course my liege" I said with a sarcastic bow

I walked outside and shut the door but remained right there in order to listen in on the conversation.

"I need you to speak to the public...say that there was never anything going on between you two" I heard Simon say

"Fuck you" Louis responded in a broken tone

There was a moment of silence before I heard the devious chuckle of the man destroying our lives.

"Do it or else I'm extending the contract" He spat

I covered my mouth trying to silence my gasp. I then heard some other words but they were to quiet to piece together into a sentence.

I opened the door without thinking and stared into Simons eyes before gaining the courage to say something.

"Can I talk to Louis alone please?" I asked with a fake smile

"Not right-" Simon started

"Well that's good because I don't care, Louis come with me...now!" I yelled a little too loud

All the adrenaline was fueling my body to stand up to Simon. I never had the courage to stand up for myself in the past months so it felt good.

Louis stood up from the chair and followed me to the family bathroom across the hall.

A great place to have a heart to heart.

"Hi" was the only thing that came out of his mouth

"Why hello it's great to speak to you again" I said with a snarky tone

"Harry you know I don't want to do th-" Louis started

I chuckled

"You know I used to be the light of your life...your sun" I smiled

Louis looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows with a sad look.

"Now a days the only light in your life is, well...her" I frowned

Louis shook his head but I didn't let him get a word out

"You know it's weird going to sleep alone in our shared bed and eating breakfast, lunch and dinner alone in our shared kitchen...it sucks. I can't speak for you but I think you feel it too. This whole situation is total bullshit, being shut into a world of darkness just because of who we are, not being able to be ourselves. It's fucking bullshit" I said sliding my back down the wall 

I sat on the dirty bathroom floor not even caring about what trouble I would get in with Louise if she found out.

"I know you're trying to protect me Louis...but you not speaking to me for the last 4 months has completely broken me. You are the one thing in this world that I would drop absolutely everything for and up until now I knew you would do the same" I continued

Louis sat down with his back against the door so that he was across from me.

"I don't know how long this is going to go on for but I'm not sure I'll be able to live with it. You are everything I could have asked for and I hate the fact that I might not ever be able to publicly tell you that. For Christ's sake we're sat in a bathroom talking about a contract that sucked the personalities out of us both" I added

Louis let a tear drip down his face before quickly wiping it.

"I fucking love you Louis...I'll never stop no matter what anyone says. My heart will always belong to you and you only for as long as I live, I can promise that" I finished

Louis's face was covered with dried up streaks of tears and red blotches. He looked up at me then opened his mouth like was going to say something but soon closed it.

I pulled my knees to my chest just waiting for him to say it

Louis looked at me with his sad deep blue eyes and held out his hand in our 'sweetheart' sign. I put my hand up against his in the exact same way to form the full symbol. Louis smiled at me faintly before softly reminding me on a promise he had made in earlier months,

_"A bright yellow door and fruit garden...right?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked this one  
> sorry if it was kind of boring, I've been studying for my midterms :(  
> stay safe  
> mwah


	19. chapter nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021-present  
> Harry's pov

**2021- present**

**harry's pov**

Louis and I walked out of the room before Simon could even speak. We walked through the hall and down the stairs to our car.

"You know you two are gonna have one hell of a time with the public" Simon yelled after us

"At least we'll be able to be public you asshole!" Louis yelled back as he grabbed my hand and pulling me quicker towards the car

I smiled to myself before pulling Louis back towards me and cupping his face.

"I knew there was a reason I waited for you" I smiled as I kissed him

Louis pulled away and ran his fingers through my hair.

"I would have been miserable without you, I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out" He spoke placing one last kiss on my lips

"Well you saved me so it all worked out" I grinned before walking closer to my seat in the car

Louis placed one of his hands on the side of my waist and rubbed it slightly. It was something he always used to do, usually to show me that he still cared when we were forced to hide. It brought tears to my eyes honestly.

Being with Louis again brought me a sense of happiness that I hadn't felt in a long time. I'd always felt a certain way when I was around him, a way that I could never describe.

"I would caution you not to look out your window" Louis said as he peered behind me

"What why?" 

My dumbass turned around.

I was blinded by the familiar sight of flashing lights and a flee of people with big cameras. It was an occurrence that I definitely didn't miss as much as people would think.

"I literally told you not to turn around" Louis spoke with a hint of sass in his voice

"I was curious" I giggled

Louis shook his head and put the car in reverse making sure to watch for any paparazzi's that had strayed from the pack. As the car slid back the pap's followed before being cut off by the closure of the gate.

"That's gonna be all over the news in the amount of time it takes you to say your name" He chuckled seeming fine with it 

"Your name" I said holding up my phone

"Haz that's not what I- Oh..." Louis said noticing

I held up my phone showing a TMZ article titled 

_'Ex Bandmates Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson found leaving a Syco Entertainment building earlier today'_

"That was quicker then usual damn" He chuckled putting his eyes back on the road

I knew this was going to be big but it was just a matter of time until the questions started arising. I didn't usually mind the questions, it was just all the repetitiveness that got kind of bothersome.

"We don't have to tell them till we're ready alright Love?" Louis added noticing my expression change

"Alright" I smiled

-

"For as long as I can remember you two always held a special place in each others hearts. I knew that you guys would find a way back to each other and it didn't matter if you guys we're half the world away. I got the opportunity to witness your relationship spark up into the beautiful fire that it is today and I'm so very proud of you two" My sister, Gemma, said over the facetime call

Gemma had called me when she discovered the article about the spotting of the two of us together. At first she asked a ton of questions, in which I answered, then her and I talked about my mental health before traveling onto the topic of Louis and I.

"Even if Haz and I never joined paths again I knew the world would drive us together. You can't push twin flames away from each other even if you try" Louis chimed in

I smiled at the man and rubbed my hand along the back of his neck.

"I'm glad to see you guys so happy. You two always found cunning ways to wiggle your way back into each others hearts." She smiled

"I remember when you two had your first fight, Harry had called me that night to vent and then cried about how sorry he was. That morning Louis texted me asking if you had said anything bad about him the also started to cry. I knew from that day on that you'd always be soulmates, even if it was platonic...you two were always soulmates" She added with a slight laugh

Louis and I looked at each other with a look of fond in our eyes before looking back at the girl who was sat in her room.

"Well I love you sis but we need to get some sleep because who knows what tomorrow will bring now that people know that we're together." I said with a quick rub of my eye

"Ok baby bro I'll talk to you later alright?" She smiled

"Alright" I smiled

"Bye Gem!" Louis yelled with a wave

"Bye Louis!" She yelled back before I hung up

I set my phone down on the bedside table and made my way under the blanket. Louis got up and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Darling! Your medicine!" He yelled from the doorway

I groaned before throwing the blanket off of me and trudging over to the bathroom where my medicine was. I trailed my fingers along Louis's back and gave him a quick kiss on the neck in which I gained a chuckle

"Hi love" I said in a raspy voice before downing my meds

Louis mumbled a 'hello' while still brushing his teeth before spitting into the sink and giving me a kiss on the forehead. I stared at him with admiration almost like I had just seen him for the first time.

"Have I ever told you how much I really love your eyes?...like they're absolutely beautiful" I said almost mesmerized by his gaze

"Have I ever told you how beautiful _you_ are?" He responded running his hand through my curls

"You were the first person to ever tell me that..." I beamed at him 

I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before traveling back to bed and curling up into a little ball. Louis made his way to his side of the bed humming The 1975 songs.

Louis had the left side, always.

He nuzzled into the pillow before I grew touch starved and set my head on his side.

"Hi" I whispered

"Hello bub" He mumbled

The air filled with silence 

"Lou?" I whispered again

He turned over so that our faces were inches away from each other.

"Yes Hazza?" He questioned

"Promise me that whatever the public says... that you'll still be here" I mumbled

He looked at me with a sad and broken look before answering

"Harry, I will never leave you again. I made that mistake and I had to live with it for years and years, you are the keeper of the key to my heart and will always be until we're on our last breath" He smiled

"What romance novel did you get that from?" I teased as I nuzzled my head into his collar bone

"Wowww" He said pretending to be offended

"I came up with that one myself thank you very much" He added with a bit of sass

Louis ran his fingers through my hair as he hummed soft melodies in my ear. Whenever I was having a bad day when I was younger Louis would always hum into my ear and run his hands through my hair. I did the same with him but with whistling.

Touching was both of our love languages for sure.

It made sense since we had always been so touch starved from not being able to be around each other. Our eyes always filled with lust and longing the longer we had to go without talking to each other.

Louis trailed his fingers over my anchor tattoo tracing ever little detail. I looked up at him but he kept his eyes locked onto the ink drawing.

He set his wrist next to mine so that our matching rope and anchor tattoo were next to each other. I took my fingers and traced the loop on the front of his arm then trailed to the back of it.

"You can never find a anchor without a rope, without it it's just...well, useless" He whispered before joining hands with me

I smiled and nodded before putting my head back into his chest

"I think our hands were made for each other, they fit perfectly" I mumbled sleepily

Louis chuckled

"Oh yeah?" He asked 

"Yeah" I said almost too quietly

Louis could tell that I was trying my best to stay awake

"You're adorable and I love you for it" He giggled pressing his lips onto my forehead 

I smiled with my face still in his collar bone.

"You really love me?" I asked with a tiny laugh

_"Of course, you were my first love"_

_"My first and only"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy voting day everyone!  
> I hope everyone voted   
> This was my first year voting actually  
> but don't forget to use your voice and fight for what's right  
> love you :)


	20. chapter twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's monologue   
> A brief 1st person view on how Harry felt back in the contract era

**Harry's Monologue**

There were days I woke up and couldn't feel anything, I didn't want to feel anything, I fought the urge to feel. They were more recent now, I would say most days.

I'd been living my life with such hopefulness and liveliness that when everything went downhill it was like I just started hoping for my clock to stop ticking, for my timer to run out, for my days to grow shorter,

For my lungs to run out of air.

I started having more and more bad days which meant bad headaches, bad feelings, and bad thoughts. It also meant that my longing for someone to be here with me grew larger.

For that someone to be Louis.

He could be right on the other side of the room and yet he'd feel so out of my reach.

I found myself drowning everything out, the boys, management, the public. The only things I actually listened to were my thoughts, which could be suffocating.

I often think to myself, somewhere in the world right now there are two people who are with each other not just because they're in love but because they couldn't imagine being with anyone else but the other. That's how I feel about Louis, and up until these past couple of months I thought it was mutual.

I know Louis loved me, he would tell me every morning before we left, every time I had to go record something, every time he had to do a pap walk, and every night before we went to bed. He would always compliment me and play with my sides, he was never rough with me. If we hadn't been in love we wouldn't be in this situation right now.

If it sounds like I'm blaming him, I'm not. It was the inevitable... But instead of our clock starting to slowly stop ticking, it was smashed with a hammer and thrown into the trash. It's just the fact that the world is so fucked up that the government and the public won't allow two people of the same sex to be in an open relationship or get married because it's "offensive" and against the law.

Why the hell does it matter who I grow old with?

Every single person is born, then after their life is over they die.

Birth, youth, adult years, death

It's just what happens in between that's up to you.

So why do I have to live all my life the way that you think is right? Why is it that my personality has been so forcefully altered that I don't even recognize the person in the mirror?

In all honesty, I don't even recognize Louis anymore. I see the pain in his eyes every time we look at each other... like he can look back on all the times we had together.

That's the difference between us, he sees what happened in the past and I fantasize about the future and what we could have been if we hadn't ended up this way, forced to be people that were not.

I think about 10 years from now. How was it in 2021? Am I happier? Are we together? Are we _free_?

I wonder about how life would be if we had found each other in a different time period, where we could be open. If such a place exists then I hope Louis and I make emends before it's discovered.

I'm not going to say that I don't have hope for a future rekindling of our relationship but my chances of being with Louis again seem to be slipping with every thing that's piles onto the act. We may never be together again and that's what scares me...I don't think I'd be able to breathe without the chance of being with him again.

Louis is the one person in my life that I knew loved me wholeheartedly, I knew that in a time of crisis he would be right there holding my hand as I try and get through it. Louis was my light and I needed him to see through the darkness,

The darkness being the world

Being a closeted gay boy band member is super hard in this world, being apart of the community in general is difficult in this world. People think that you're disgusting and a waste of space, then when you find people who actually accept you it's an odd feeling because you've been told that who you are is wrong.

I wish for my life to be different every day. There isn't a day that I don't wish that Louis and I could just run away together and be free. 

One day I'll be able to show my true self I know it

But If I cant do it with Louis by my side

I'm not sure I'll even make it to _'one day'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short and different chapter today  
> I got this idea from my girlfriend who was talking to me about famous monologues from history after our professor talked about it in our AP literature block  
> There is going to be a monologue for Louis I'm just not sure when that will be published :)   
> stay safe   
> mwah


	21. chapter twenty one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis's Monologue

**Louis's Monologue**

There are people in this world that are free to be whoever they want and love whoever they want. They can go to a party and kiss the same gender without being put down or fetishized by the public.

I am not lucky enough to be such a person.

Everything that I was told as a kid was thrown out the window when I was forced to become someone I wasn't. 

In some ways I'm lucky, My family is full of some of the most accepting people and I'm grateful because I know some people have to deal with non accepting parents and I feel for them. I don't know how I would act if I had to keep it a secret from my family.

Meeting Harry was the best thing to happen to me but I knew there would be consequences. In the world today there are consequences to being yourself and it sucks. 

When we were kids we were told to be ourselves and to not let anyone change that but how can we be ourselves when everyone says that who you are is wrong?

That doesn't make any sense. How can you tell someone that who they are is wrong just because it's against what you think? It's not hurting anyone so why can't you just let us live and love.

What's the reason why a women and man get married?

Ask anyone

It's because they love each other and want to show the world their love for each other, they want to show the world that they are committed to each other forever. They don't want to keep quiet because why would they? You have a bridal shower, a bachelor and bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, a ceremony, and maybe even an after party.

So why can't I do that? Why can't I marry the man of my dreams and not have people decline invitations to our wedding? Why can't I show the world who I love? 

Why is the world so fucked up?!

It's 2011 not 1946, we should be able to love who we want to.

It gets me thinking, how's life in the future? Like 2020 or 2021 even. Is everything ok? Am I legally allowed to marry the love of my life? Do people still hate people like us? Do I still have to be scared about people finding out?

Maybe Harry and I are free.

Maybe we stuck up to the Modest! assholes and told everyone.

Maybe Harry and I got the cute little house and painted the door bright blue like we always talk about. 

I think about the future at lot, maybe a little too much. It's the only thing that has been keeping me going lately. When we had our deep conversations Harry used to always say that I only looked into the past, if only he knew how much I truly fantasized about the future.

The future.

A place everyone fantasizes about but nobody can say exactly what will be instore once there. My future has been drawn out for me in order to keep Harry's safe and free.

Everything that I do is for Harry, for him to be free.

I'd do anything for Harry to be able to go through life being himself without the fear of being forced into someone he's not. He always tries to not listen to what the public says about him but he's just not the type of guy to let it roll off.

He's a fragile boy that one.

The worst feeling is when Harry's hurting and I can't help him. Especially now that I've signed the contract, Harry's hurting more than ever and I can't do anything about it because if I do... his freedom gets threatened.

Harry wished for freedom.

For as long as I'm stuck in the shackles of my contract, I'm protecting Harry and no one can tell me to stop. Even if Harry never talks to me again, I'd rather it be me then him.

Harry doesn't deserve any of this.

Sometimes I look up at my ceiling fan and watch it spin and spin and spin just thinking, Am I doing the right thing...pushing him away so that he can be free? Would it be better if I didn't sign it?

Am I the reason that I hear quiet sobs from his room at night?

It tears me apart but every time I try to break free another threat gets piled onto Harry's life and career.

_"If you try one more stunt Harry's getting pulled into this contract too you hear me?"_

_"Did you read the fine print lover boy? I can add on up to 5 years onto your contract, do you want to be under my ruling till you're 25?"_

_"If you care about him then you'll do this you understand?"_

Every time I sit down in the red chair that's sat in front of Simon's desk I think about Harry and how what I say determines his life.

You may be asking, Louis if you could go back in time, would you not sign the contract? 

And to that I say, Of course not

Harry may hate my guts and I hate that he does but

With this contract I'm signing my life away so he can have his 

Because like I said,

He wished for freedom.

**_freedom._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked these little monologues   
> this one was quite emotional for me because it reminded me of coming out to my parents when I was 16  
> just remember that you are loved no matter who you choose to love  
> don't let anyone tell you that you're nothing but amazing   
> mwah


	22. chapter twenty two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of the future chapters :)  
> Harry's pov  
> 2022- future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer  
> This is obviously just a story and some of the things in this chapter haven't happened, may have happened, and/or, in reality, will never happen since it is a future chapter and I am making it up while taking into consideration the storyline.  
> much love  
> enjoy the story

2022-future

Harry's pov

Louis had always been better at hiding us than I was. He was perfectly content on the outside but a mess on the inside, I on the other hand, was just a mess.

Still am to be honest.

When we were kids we lived on a schedule, wake up, do an interview, perform, get yelled at by Simon, hide ourselves, sleep in the same apartment but in separate rooms like a divorced couple staying together for their kids, then do it all over again the next day. 

It's better now that we have been seen in public together a lot more. We haven't exactly 'come out' to the public yet but if you leave it up for interpretation, It's pretty obvious. 

We've thought about it but I guess there's never really been any reason to officially say it, as long as we're able to be free...we call that good. Plus, Louis and I are happier than we've ever been just with each others company.

"Haz! Do you know where I put my keys?" Lou yelled from the opposite room

That man is always losing something

"In your pocket!" I yelled smiling at myself. He walked out of the room with his keys dangling from his finger with a big grin plastered on his face.

"I hate your ability to know everything about me" He chuckled beginning to walk over to me

"Years of studying" I smirked back at him

Louis planted a kiss on my lips and slipped his way out the door with a tiny smile and a wave. He was heading off for a few hours to go record for his third album. We've sort of reversed roles, I just released my fourth album which was, like the others, mostly dedicated to him. Now he's recording his which are dedicated to whatever he wants it to be, I wont drop names.

Ever since Syco got shut down and the word about Simon got out everything has began to fall back into place, like it was before the contract. Louis and I are in love, like we've always been, and our careers as solo artists are sky rocketing.

We're all we could ever ask for.

While Louis was out recording I had an interview with People's Magazine, who were known for their weird and at sometimes invasive questions. He and I both knew that there would be some questions about our relationship and to those we've decided that I will be answering... honestly.

I grabbed my keys and made my way out the door, preparing myself to answer what might be the hardest and easiest questions I've ever had to answer.

-

"So Harry, How did you deal with all of that as a kid? Having to hide." The interviewer asked with a tilt of his head

I thought for a moment trying to plan out exactly what I was going to say, then it came to me. Louis's voice was in my head telling me, "Say what you feel in your heart." I chuckled at his cheesy advice.

"I guess I just always had hope for the future, I fantasized about it a lot, some would say too much" I answered with a chuckle

The man smiled at me then looked back down at his paper and wrote a sentence or two, of what I assumed was about what I said.

"Great. You and Louis have been together for how many years now? 10 years or so?" He questioned.

I smiled before answering.

"Well I've been committed since I was 16 with a couple breaks in between so roughly, yeah around that" I smiled

He looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows preparing to ask another question.

"I'm sure you two are very happy" He added as he flipped the page of questions

"Yeah, we're really happy" I agreed

It was true, we're really really happy.

"Ok Harry I just have one more question for you today" He spoke softly

"Alright" I nodded with a slight smile

I sat the toe of my right shoe onto the heal of my left and began to fidget in preparation for the last question.

"As you and Louis have been together for quite a while, are there any plans to further the relationship?...hinting to a wedding" He asked

I knew a question like this was going to come up.

"Yeah of course, even when we were kids we always thought of it...we just didn't think it was ever possible. Under the contract we weren't even allowed to stand next to each other let alone even think about getting married. Nowadays, that we actually can, I'm sure we will...one day" I smiled fidgeting with my hands

"That's very sweet and I'm sure when it's all said and done everyone will be truly happy for you two and your free life together" He said as closing statement

"Thank you, It was nice speaking to you" I said getting up and shaking his hand

He accepted my gesture with a smile as he guided me out of the building and out to my car. I smiled and gave him a quick wave before starting the car and beginning to drive.

_Incoming call from: My Lou :)_

"Sun! How was your interview love?" Louis asked from over the phone.

"It was good" I said with a giggle

I heard a faint chuckle from over the phone as well as a sound of keys hitting the floor

"Are you home already?" I asked before being stopped by a light

"Yeah we just needed to add some humming and a few extra layers so I just came back home" He spoke

I pulled into the parking garage and continued talking to Louis until I reached the front door. 

"Yeah he asked me a bunch of questions about my career and then a lot about our relationship" I said as I opened the door

Louis jumped with fear.

"Holy shit you scared the living hell out of me!" Louis said putting the phone down before landing a punch on my shoulder

I hung my phone up and set my stuff on the side of couch before wrestling Louis down with me so that his body was resting on top of mine

"Harry Edward Styles! You let go of me right now!" He yelled laughing 

"Nope! You're stuck with me for all eternity!" I chuckled as I started to tickle him

He squirmed under my grasp before pining my arms down and smirking at me

"I've always been the stronger one...and the to-" He started

"Louis Tomlinson do not finish that sentence!" I laughed 

He let go of my arms and began uncontrollably laughing before falling off the couch and onto the carpeted floor

"What? It's true!" He yelled still laughing

I hit him over the head and walked over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Louis remained sat on the floor with his elbow resting on the couch. I flung myself up so that I was now sat on the kitchen island facing him.

His light blue eyes were intriguing and daring almost like they were meant to be desired. Everything about Louis was astonishing to me. I know it may sound cliché but, he's truly all I could ever need.

When we were young our chance of making it in the world as a couple was low but now that we've made it to the more accepting years, there's hope. Of course the world isn't perfect, I don't believe it ever truly will be, but if I can love who I want...I hope to stay as long as I can.

"Sun...come here look" Louis motioned from the floor

I hopped off the counter and laid down next to Louis and stared up at the ceiling

"What?" I questioned 

"You don't see it?" He said gripping my hand

I laughed.

"No, I'm afraid I don't" I said squeezing his hand

"Close your eyes and think of a memory, Then open your eyes and look up" He said pointing to the ceiling

I shut my eyes and began searching my mind for a singular memory, one in specific came to mind. 

The first time Louis and I said I love you. 

We were watching the movie Grown Ups with the boys and Lou and I were sat on the twin sized bed all curled up next to each other. We thought we were being so secretive with all our whispering and cryptic notes. For Christ's sake Louis told me he loved me with Morse code.

"You got it?" He asked rubbing his thumb against my hand.

"Yeah" I answered with my eyes still closed

He sat up and brushed my hair out of my face

"Now look up" He added still holding my hand

I opened my eyes to see the great almighty, ceiling.

"I don't see anything" I chuckled 

"Yeah I expected that" He smiled

I looked at him with a confused look on my face

"So what are you driving at?" I asked

He looked at me straight in the eyes and spoke

"I can tell you exactly what you were thinking" 

I was intrigued 

"Can you now?" I asked with a smirk

"You thought about when we first said I love you to each other, didn't you" He smiled getting up from the floor

I laughed at him before pushing myself up to the couch

"You know me too well" I laughed

Louis walked over to the kitchen while I sat silently on the couch playing with the remote. He opened the fridge and stuffed his face with a piece of cold pizza.

"Do you wanna marry me?" I heard between chews

I looked at Louis almost in shock 

"Really fancy way of asking Lou" I joked

"Do you?" He laughed 

I tilted my head with a questioning look and made a "Hmm" noise.

"Oh yeah go ahead take your time" He chuckled stepping towards me

I sat in silence

"Well not too long jeez!" He laughed

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding" I said rubbing the side of his neck

I smiled at him 

"It's a date" I smiled reaching my hand out

He looked at me and shook his head

"You're ridiculous" He mumbled

"You asked me to marry you with cold pizza in your mouth, shake my damn hand" I chuckled putting my hand out farther towards him.

He took my hand and smiled 

"It's a date"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked the very first future chapter  
> This does mean that their will no longer be past chapters, only present and future  
> meaning only harry and louis in 2020/2021 era and this era that will be around 2022-2026  
> love you guys  
> stay safe


	23. chapter twenty three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021-present times
> 
> Louis's Pov

**2021-present**

**Louis's pov**

Being with Harry these past few months made me realize that I literally couldn't have lived without him. I couldn't imagine myself sitting in front of Simon Cowell while being read my future in chronological order. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with Eleanor, I just couldn't. 

Harry and I are the happiest we've ever been and I'm glad that I turned back when I did. I kick myself everyday for almost going through with marrying El. Don't get me wrong Eleanor was there for me as a teenager and half the time she was tolerable but as we got older she really started to take after Simon.

All my teenage life I was manipulated into thinking that who I was was wrong and that If I wanted to succeed in life, I would have to change. As I've gotten older I've gotten a grip on what's actually true. 

Yes, some people aren't going to accept you

Yes, some people are going to look at you like you're a disgusting human

Yes, some people are going to try and change you

There are people in the world who just cant wrap their traditional minds around the fact that things are indeed changing.

I love him and that's that

to the people who can't accept that,

tough

-

"Lou!" Harry yelled from the other room

I walked down the hall to see a shirtless Harry Styles with a towel hung around his waist. I smirked at him.

"Shut up Louis." He said noticing my smile

I raised my eyebrows and gave him a little wink before hopping up onto the counter. He tilted his head at me and put his hand on my thigh before pecking my lips.

"I was going to ask where my Strokes t-shirt was but-" He gripped the shirt that I was wearing. "I see where it is now" He giggled

I chuckled and looked down at shirt that, I admit, was the shirt he was talking about. I spun around so that my feet were dangling on the opposite side of the island and hopped off the counter.

"What? It's not my fault that your shirts are more comfortable than mine!" I spoke as I slid across the ground in my fuzzy socks

He smiled at me.

"They look better on you anyway" He smirked 

I looked at him and covered my mouth pretending to hold in a spew of vomit before throwing in a few fake gags.

"That's the nastiest thing you have ever said" I added with another fake gag

He shook his head and started to walk back to the room with a dead expression on his face.

"No, no, no, no, no, no please come back hazza I'm sorryyyyyy" I whined while beginning to follow him

He chuckled but continued his stride towards the bedroom. 

"Don't make me Harry" I threatened looking him up and down

He knew what I meant.

"Louis! I'm in a towel if you tickle me right now I swear to god!" He yelled between laughs

I continued to chase him around the room before he hid in our closet frantically trying to throw on a pair of shorts. I banged on the door trying not to pee myself from laughing so hard until, the door flew open and a wild Harry Styles, now equipped with pants, sped past me.

"How are you so fast?" I yelled as my hand gripped his arm and spun him around.

"d'know guess I just am" He smiled 

I flung my arms around his neck and gave him a peck on the lips. I slid my hands down his broad shoulders and made my way back to the bedroom to call it a night. 

Harry followed close behind me, reaching for my hand with the edge of his pinky like were kids. We linked pinkies and walked to the room.

"I feel like I'm in a Young Adult romance novel" I chuckled sarcastically. Harry glanced at me with a slight laugh before letting go and making his way to the bathroom.

I slipped myself under the covers and snuggled into my pillow. The drip of the tap halted as he slid under the blanket and set his cold hands on my spine.

He swirled his fingers through my hair and slowly sunk into his pillow.

"I love you" I murmured flipping over my back

"I adore you" He whispered back at me

Silence overtook the both of us.

I began to hum the melody to one of my new and upcoming songs.

"That's beautiful" Harry mumbled from his pillow

I smiled at him and stroked his cheek.

"It's about you, of course it's beautiful" I smirked at him

He put his face back down onto his pillow and growled at me.

"Ugh why do you still make me blush like you did when we were kids, it's stupid" 

"I guess I just have that sort of effect on people" I smirked. Harry scoffed and turned so that he was facing me.

"What's it called?" He asked with his head propped

"Before the history of you" I riddled off

Harry's eyes sparkled as he trailed my face.

"There was before you, there was after you, and the rest is history" I spoke quietly

He nodded his head in approval.

"Was that a lyric?" He giggled

"Could be" I smirked before sinking back into my pillow and drifting to sleep

It was a lyric.

-

The morning came sooner than expected. I used to hate getting out of bed, it meant I had to crumple up my own personality and throw on the one the public knew. It meant I had to clear the thought of Harry from my mind, which was near impossible every time I had to do it.

Harry remained asleep next to me. His hair was a mess and his snoring over took the empty room. I leaned over to him and rubbed my hand on his bare back to let him know I'm leaving for the day.

"Sun, I'm leaving." I whispered into his collar before giving him a quick kiss on the forehead.

He groaned and wiped his eyes before sticking his lips out as a request. I met my lips with his, made my way to the closet and threw on some shorts. I kept Harry's Strokes T-shirt on but threw a Adidas sweatshirt over it.

I had to go pitch the new song to my agent and sound team so I knew it would be a little bit till I got home. 

"Lou!" I heard from the bedroom

I walked back over to the room and stood in the doorway.

"Yes haz?" I asked with a smile plastered on my face

He looked at me for a moment without speaking.

"Be safe" He finally spoke

I walked over to him and ran my fingers through his curls while planting a kiss on his forehead. 

"Always am" I smiled

I grabbed his hand and rubbed it slightly before gradually letting go as I got further and further away from him. I blew him a kiss and walked back through hallway and out the front door.

I've been super busy lately with my second album and not seeing Harry is getting to me, don't get me wrong I love making music but I love Harry as well and it hurts me to be away from him. I know he understands though since we've both been the music industry for most of our lives it's just I feel scared because with a snap of the fingers Harry could go in a downward spiral and I could lose him. There's nothing stopping him from reaching for the pills again.

Well there's me, I just hope that's enough.

The sun was just rising and the busy London streets were empty and quiet. The traffic wasn't as bad as it normally was which was a nice way to start the day. I wondered if Harry had woken up and stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to make tea like he normally did but knowing him he's probably on the couch looking at the TV screen spacing out.

I pulled into the parking garage and made my way to the studio to meet with everyone. The lobby was filled with familiar faces, each one in fancy attire and a smile. I headed up to the seventh floor and made my way down the hall.

"Louis!" My agent, Max, shouted from the doorway

"What's up Max!" I greeted with a hug

He guided me into the room and sat down backwards in a wooden chair near the window. I sat across from him on the couch and looked around at the empty area.

"Where is everyone?" I asked setting my feet up on the ottoman.

"They're not gonna be here till later, so you can just pitch the song to me" He smiled pointing to the acoustic guitar that sat in the corner.

I nodded and made my way over to the guitar before throwing the strap over my shoulder and sitting back down in front of him.

I began to sing the song for him.

The meaning behind this song was sort of like reaching for love and saying what leads up to it and the things that can happen after it. It's showing how loving who you want can lead to happiness and being open, like a concert of personal growth.

"Oh my gosh I love it, it reminds me of Only The Brave...like a sequel"

_"This is, in my opinion, the perfect way to close the album...ehh again a song I'm really proud of and it's slightly different sonic and lyrical style so I think that's important as well, to have variation obviously on the album"_

_"Um and the song itself is about obviously being brave and talking about that- love basically and talking about how love... is **only for the brave** "_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves!  
> Sorry for the sort of boring chapter, I've been super busy with midterms and semester finals that I haven't been able to write  
> I'm also recovering from a bad case of writers block :(  
> I hope everyone is staying safe out there!  
> love you


	24. chapter twenty four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2022-future  
> Harry's pov

2022-future

Harry's pov

I sat with Louis's guitar on the couch and began to sing nonsensical words until something formed. I had been having major major writers block lately and it sucks because I absolutely love writing music, it keeps me sane.

There was a knock at the door, which may I add, was very uncommon as not many people knew what flat number we were in. I walked over to the door and swung it open to see a Louis Tomlinson on one knee with a box in his hand.

"Louis what are you doing we're already getting married" I stated with a chuckle

He looked at me with an eager look, "I had pizza in my mouth the first time I did it and besides this time I have a gift" He spoke handing me the box

"You didn't ask me" I mocked

Louis shut the door behind me and kneeled back down, "Harry Edward Styles, will you marry me?" He asked with a smirk

"No" I frowned beginning to walk away

Louis scoffed, "Hey now" 

I walked back over to him and planted a light kiss on his lips, "Only joking and besides Lou I would say yes even if you asked me with a grape flavored ring pop" I laughed

"Ew those are the worst, grape is the worst...tastes like medicine" He groaned

"Exactly my point" I smiled taking the tiny box from his hand.

He looked at me with a smile as I opened the tiny ring box. I was shocked to not see a ring, but a two separate necklaces with two separate rings on them.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to wear any more meaningless rings so I put them onto a little chain so we can both wear them as necklaces, oh and look on the inside! I got them to say both of our names in blue and green coloring" He smiled sheepishly

I gawked at him, "You are the biggest hopeless romantic I have ever met and I love you for it"

"It's not hopeless if I have you" He smirked

I began walking away.

"Do you want this back?" I sarcastically asked with a laugh.

I put the necklace on and made sure the rings were over my shirt, no need to hide them anymore. I walked back to the couch and continued my trial and error process of finding lyrics that stuck.

"C'mon Haz your life would be so dull without my amazing comedy" He gloated 

I let out a short but loud laugh, "I'd rather it be dull" I joked, sticking my tongue out at him.

He stormed over and began to tickle me. 

I don't know if this sounds weird but now that Louis and I are free as adults, I've never felt like more of a kid and I mean that in a good way not a 'I feel so unappreciated' type of way.

I feel like Louis and I are making up for lost time, the time that was taken from us. 

-

_A few days later in Los Angeles._

The more days that passed the more nervous I became for today and today isn't even our actual wedding day. 

"The last time I got a wedding invitation it was for your wedding so it's just weird to be sending out invitations for ourselves, it's surreal" I took a breath, "I never in a million years thought that this would actually happen" I chuckled

Louis looked at me with a chuckle, "Well it better seem really because it's happening and it's happening soon" He spoke, kissing me softly.

I shuffled through the pile of envelope enclosed invitations making sure they were neat and polished. I handed them to Louis and smiled.

Not only was there this that we had to do today but we also had to attend The Grammy's in which both Louis and I were nominated for awards. This would be the first big event that Louis and I would be attending as a couple, even if the world didn't know we were engaged.

Louis stood up and reached his hand out to me, "Alright if we take the right road to the parcel office we can still make it to the stylist on time" He said smiling.

I took his hand and pulled myself up, then grabbed the keys to my car and started out the door. Louis followed shortly after with a pair of sunglasses and a hat.

"What time do we have to be at the stylist's place again?" I asked pulling out of the parking lot

Louis pulled out his phone, "30 minutes" He said realizing how little of time we had

"Shit, good thing we decided to mail the invitations from America or else this would be a much harder time crunch" I giggled

That was a stupid joke.

Louis looked at me with his eyes wide open, "Sun we'd be half way across the world, not exactly a time crunch" He said putting his hand on my shoulder

I sighed, "Put the damn radio on" I spoke with an annoyed chuckle

Louis set his hand on my thigh and rubbed his thumb slightly, "I love you" He grinned at me.

We traveled to the postal office and dropped off all of the invitations, all 300 of them. Here's the catch, we still have around a hundred to hand deliver before the end of the month. What can I say, it's not going to be a small wedding.

The stylist's house was only a block or two away so I wasn't worried about being late, I was worried about tonight. If I were to win I would have to present an acceptance speech, which meant I would obviously have to thank Louis. What do I call him?

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my friend- no, boy- he's not your boyfriend anymore, ugh why is this getting to me.

Harry just go with it, tell the truth...it's what your heart deserves.

-

"This gives me Deja Vu" Louis spoke as he got his hair done

I looked at the options for what I could wear over and over again, practically forgetting that Louis had even spoken.

I snapped back into reality, "Oh yeah our shared dressing room that no one else knew about but the crew" I smiled thinking of the memory

Displayed on the bed were two suits, a black one with different colored floral patterns and a light blue with embroidered designs on them. I was leaning for towards the floral one but I decided to ask Louis for his opinion

"What do you think Lou, which one?" I asked holding them up to myself

Louis looked them both up and down, "I think you'll look great in either, but the black one reminds me of the first non solid color suit you ever wore so I like that one" He smiled as the hairdresser finished up

I chuckled at the fact that he could remember that day, "You wore a sparkly suit just so that I wouldn't feel alone, Simon was proper mad" I scoffed, grabbing the suit off the bed.

Louis let out a laugh as I went and got changed. Louis was wearing a Burberry slim fit suit when I walked out, he was breathtaking.

"Alright boys if you leave with the driver now you'll be right on time for the carpet" Our stylist spoke shooing us out the door.

Louis and I crawled into the backseat of the SUV and exhaled, preparing for what was ahead. I had been nominated for two awards, Best Pop Vocal Album and Best Pop Solo Performance while Louis had been nominated for Song Of The Year. I was so incredibly proud of him.

We quickly pulled up to the red carpet, "Deep breath" I said rubbing Louis's face in my hand. Louis had never liked big crowds, except for when he was on stage of course.

We walked out of the car and made it into the crowd of other celebrities and cameras. The workers controlling the people coming onto the carpet gestured Louis and I forward, passing paper signs around.

Over the many years of being in the eyes of the press, we knew not to speak to the interviewers of small and/or untrustworthy magazines. Even though every article that included Louis or I had to be accepted by our management, something always seemed to slip through that wasn't fully true.

"Harry! Louis! Do you have a moment?" I heard from the crowd

I looked at Louis and nodded, "Hello" We both greeted

"Terry Williams with People's Magazine, I just have a couple questions for the two of you" He man stated

Louis and I smiled as a way of agreeing.

"How are you two feeling as this is your first time attending an award show together?" He asked putting the microphone between the two of us

I looked at Louis for an answer, "It's nice, we don't have to worry about anything" He spoke

Worded perfectly my dear.

"Perfect, As it's almost been a full year since the inevitable fall of Simon Cowell, how did you guys, as well as the other members of the band, deal with the overbearing power that he had?" He asked pushing the microphone to us again.

A little more personal I see.

"I think that we all handled it separately and in different ways since there were different rules for us all. Some were harsher than others I must say but we were all influenced by it greatly." I answered

Then man nodded and looked at his watch, "I'm sure it was, Final question for you guys today, There are many rumors floating around as you two have decided to not publicly announce anything but if I may ask on behalf of the public, Has there always been a romance between you two?" He asked with a grin

Louis looked at me, he was better at explaining these types of things so I let him take the wheel.

"From the very start we were inseparable and even with all the obstacles that were in our way, we always knew in our heart of hearts that we were each others soulmates. So to answer the question, he was 16 and I was 18 so a whopping 11 and a half years, with a few forced separations, but yeah" He rambled putting his hand on my shoulder

"That's beautiful, I won't keep you any longer, have a good time!" He grinned

With that Louis and I made our way into the hall, greeting the many popular faces that were spread around. We sat in our seats and prepared for the night ahead.

-

"And The Grammy for Best Pop Vocal Album goes to, Fine Line by Harry Styles!"

Louis yelled and pulled me into a hug before I gave him a quick kiss on the lips. The people around us cheered. I walked up to the stage and greeted the people giving me the award.

"Wow- Um...This is so cool" I took a deep breath and grabbed the rings on the chain looking at Louis for approval. He smiled and gave me a nod.

"Wow I'm speechless, I want to thank everyone who voted for me and all the fans for your love and never ending support. It honestly shocks me how much love I receive from all of you and I am so so very grateful. I also want to thank everyone who helped me create the album from the people who helped me write it to the people who helped make the backing track. Lastly I want to thank the one person who without, I would not be standing up here accepting this award, My..-" I chuckled sheepishly, "My fiancée Louis Tomlinson" 

The people exploded into a roar of applause and yells. Louis was greeted with hugs and handshakes as I finished off my speech.

The night went on as usual, just with a couple extra congratulations on Louis and I's wedding. The last award of the night happened to be Louis's award, Song Of The Year.

I knew he was going to win, he was doubtful, but I knew.

"Alright everyone, The Song Of The Year is....Fire Meet Gasoline by Louis Tomlinson"

I yelled and pulled Louis into a tight hug as he did to me earlier. Our lips pressed together before he made his way up to the stage.

"Oi! This is so crazy" He chuckled, "I don't know what to say, uh- Thank you to all the fans for always sticking by my side and supporting me through thick and thin. Thank you to all my producers and people who helped with the whole album itself. Thank you to Harry for being the motivation to create this song. To all of the young people out there who are struggling in life with their sexuality or just love in general, remember to be brave...Thank you" He finished

_Brave._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the somewhat boring chapter today :(  
> I'm working on a one chapter story for you all which I am very very excited to share.  
> I'm also sad to say that this story is almost at it's ending point, I would say 2 or 4 more chapters and I'm leaning towards 2.  
> I hope you've enjoyed it thus far  
> stay safe   
> mwah


	25. chapter twenty five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2021- present times  
> Louis's pov

2021-present

Louis's pov

It got quite lonely when I was in the studio, not many people would come around except my producers and the occasional band member. I would invite Harry but he understands that when you're recording it's difficult to have other people around. Especially when the other people are usually the ones the songs are written about.

I had been in the studio for the whole day so the wave of tiredness had overtaken me. The night was quite productive I would say, I've been working on a song that describes Harry and I's relationship. I'd finished writing the intro, first verse and part of the chorus and I was pretty happy with it.

"When do you think you'll be home tonight?" Harry asked from over the phone.

I thought to myself, "Uh sometime within the next two hours maybe, I want to finish the chorus," I added

I had been deciding between two names but wanted Harry's opinion on them both, though I hadn't any want to show harry just yet. The options were, Maybe When We're Older or Fire Meet Gasoline. I favored the second option but I wanted fresh eyes.

"I also need to pick a title, you want to help me?" I asked.

He hummed sarcastically, "I guess so," He added with a giggle.

"So do we like the name Maybe When We're Older or Fire Meet Gasoline?" I questioned.

He pondered for a moment, "I like Fire Meet Gasoline it seems more original and I know you'll be able to make it a lyrical masterpiece," He gloated.

I laughed before agreeing with him and kicking my feet up on the desk. We talked for a bit longer until I was called over to the opposite side of the room to record. I said my goodbyes to Haz and made my way over.

"Hey so I think we should change one of the lyrics in the chorus" I spoke putting the headphones over my ears.

Steven was a part of production and was the only person available to help me record at this time. He was a younger lad, maybe a tad bit younger then Harry.

He scooted up in his chair, "Alright lets hear it," He agreed.

"So I think we should change the end of it to, 'There was fire and there was gasoline, but I never thought it would be...you and me' because I think it goes more with the range of my voice." I sang slightly

He nodded at me with a small grin, "Ooo, I like it I like it," He added.

The next two hours were filled with audio mashups and re-recordings. Then the time came where I got to turn all the studio lights off and head home to Harry. When I got home he was sat on the couch cuddled up in a blanket half asleep.

"Sun? Sunshine I'm home..." I whispered softly into his hair.

He looked up at me with his soft green eyes and plastered a faint smile onto his face. I sat next to him and threw a blanket around my head so I looked like a toddler.

"How was the studio?" He asked, still trying to become fully awake.

I grinned at him, "It was good! We got a lot of stuff done."

He got up from his side of the couch and laid his head on my lap, "That's good, how's fire meet gasoline coming along?" He asked as I began stringing my fingers through his hair.

I let my mouth crimp into a tiny smirk, "It's going proper well actually, sounds like a love story," I stated. Harry looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows in which I just responded with placing a kiss on his lips.

"Are you seriously not going to let me hear it?" He pleaded.

I was determined on waiting for the album to officially come out to let Harry hear this song. It was the end to the album and I've always put my most meaningful song at the bottom to close it all off.

"Nope I am not." I stuck my ground and did not budge.

He groaned, "Louuuuuuuuu" 

"Shut up" I laughed setting his head on a pillow before getting up and traveling to the kitchen.

Harry turned on the TV and skipped to the news channel to see if there was any big time things going on. For the first couple of minutes that I was waiting for the leftover stir-fry to heat up I heard rambling about a car crash that had happened earlier but by the time the microwave started to beep I heard a familiar name.

"Did they just say-" I started

Harry was sat beguiled on the couch, "Yeah," He chuckled

I sat down next to him and listened closely to the TV.

_"Former One Direction member Liam Payne speaks out about the controlling management that closeted two of the boys, here's the clip"_

Harry and I looked at each other with a confused but proud look on our faces.

"I remember how naïve we all were to it at first. I think we all really noticed when we started looking foreword to when we got days off, days away from them." Liam spoke from the screen.

It looked to be an interview with Peoples Magazine covering Simon's court case. Liam was calm which meant that he was speaking the truth.

"It was the worst for Louis and Harry though, poor kids. The other lads and I knew from the very beginning that they had a special relationship, we just decided it was better to let them tell us themselves. That contract broke them man...absolutely tore them both to shreds." He added.

I placed my hand on Harrys leg and grazed my thumb side to side while he sat his head on my shoulder. 

"I'm not to sure how they did it to be honest. Yeah, it was a controlling management in all of our eyes but I couldn't imagine how it felt to hide away for all those years. Now that I look back at it all, I regret not rebelling completely and telling them to shout it from the rooftops, but I'm sure they thought of that many times." 

Harry and I were smiling like crazy, we were happy that Liam spoke out about it, as many people chose not to. 

"We were pulled into full band meetings for the occasional discussion of how to act when the question is asked but other than that it was usually Harry, Louis, and the stunt at the time that was being discussed. I took a while to understand everything before we found out it was actually hardcore manipulation."

I saw Harry's eyes begin to gloss over, mine too if I'm being 100%.

"Harry took the hardest hit as a kid, he was 17...Christ's sake he was 17. Louis could handle it a bit more I would say, not that he wasn't hurting but he knew what he had to do and for what reasons even if it pained him. I remember Harry crying in their dressing room when El and Louis did their first pap walk. It hurt us all to see him like that, especially Louis. Louis was the one who helped Harry when he got sad but the roles flipped when the contract was put into play."

Harry and I were both crying like little babies in each others arms. As we hadn't, as a couple, spoken on the matter it was nice to see someone who was so involved in the story speak on it.

"I think it brought me to tears when I saw the article about Simon, it was like I could feel the weight being lifted off both of their shoulders. I called Louis immediately, the three of us talked for hours...cried a bit too," He chuckled, "I'm proud of them for making it out, with bumps in the road of course but they made it, they made it to a better place. So boys if you're watching this, I love you two and I wish you nothing but the best" He finished.

The screen switched back to the news anchor while Harry and I were left speechless. It wasn't that big of a deal in hindsight but to us, it meant the world.

_they made it to a better place_

I launched myself up and grabbed my phone and began to hum a tune with those lyrics. Harry was trying to not laugh at my pacing while also trying to wipe away his tears with a blanket.

"Harry Styles cover your ears!" I yelled sarcastically. 

He set his hands over his ears but I knew he was still listening. This song was going to be about us, our lives, our life together over the past 11 years. I have no doubt that it will be one of my most beautiful songs. 

I was **fire** and he was **gasoline**.

We were an **explosion**.

People **feared** us.

But we were **beautiful**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter everyone, the story is coming to it's end.  
> with only one chapter (which I'm hoping will be a lot longer than this) and maybe an epilogue left...  
> I hope everyone has liked reading so far and I hope you like my final chapter :)))  
> (which I will be writing sometime within the next week and editing should take a day-ish so expect in a week or two)


	26. chapter twenty six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter.
> 
> Both Pov's
> 
> December 28, 2022

**The final chapter.**

**Both Pov's**

**December 28, 2022**

_harry's pov_

The years and years of hiding would vanish on this day. We didn't have to be the slightest bit silent. Our friends and family would be sat in front of us watching our teenage dreams come true.

I have been waiting years for this day; never thought it would come to be honest.

We thought for months and months on where we would have the wedding. I'd always wanted to get married outside Princess Park but I didn't want to intrude on Louis's past- y'know with his past almost marriage to Eleanor- but Louis suggested it one night and all I did was nod like a toddler.

Now we're here.

Louis and I said our goodbyes earlier in the morning and are both getting ready at separate locations. It was an odd thing since we shared a dressing room for so many years.

"Harry can you please stop messing around with my dress!" Gemma shouted.

I chuckled at her, "It's so pretty though!" 

"I know it is! I picked it!" She gloated with a tiny smirk. I tossed the dress over to her and made my way over to the suit I'd see in pictures for years and years to come.

It was a light blue suit with a hint of gray. It reminded me greatly of what I saw when I looked into Louis's eyes, I loved Louis's eyes.

Louis was wearing his "speckled suit" as he liked to call it. It was the same, or at least a very similar, version of the one he wore when I wore my first patterned suit. 

"It's very handsome on you," My sister spoke from the doorway.

I smiled at the brunette, "Thank you Gem."

Today was a day that I had dreamt of for years. A dream I thought was stomped on the day I got the invitation to his and Eleanor's wedding. I think there was always a part of me that knew that we would end up together but that part of me slowly diminished as time went on.

There was a strange feeling in my stomach and it wasn't the feeling of butterflies. It was the same feeling I had when I saw Louis at the Battle of The Bands for the very first time. My heart was pounding and I wasn't even looking Louis in the eyes.

That's when I'll melt.

My heart turns into a lollipop on a hot summers day when I see him.

-

"You ready Harry?" My mother asked giving my back a rub.

I looked at her and nodded, unable to bare a word.

She furrowed her eyebrows at me, "Are you alright?" She asked concerningly

I lightly chuckled, "Of course I am mum, just extremely nervous."

She stared at me for a moment before wrapping her hands around me, "Oh you silly boy, you have been waiting for this day for years! There is no reason to be nervous, you're marrying for love! That reason there is something only the luckiest people can truly say when they're married," She scoffed with a smile.

I spit out a pity laugh for myself, "How are you always right about everything?" 

She laughed back at me, "I am your mother." I smiled back at her. "Now we must go!" She added hinting to the piano that was playing in the background. 

The doors flew open and everyone stood tall in their dresses and suits with their eyes fixated on me. 

Niall, Liam, and _Zayn..._

They're all here.

Though everyone's eyes were on me and my mother, my eyes only seemed to find _his._ His soft blue eyes.

I sort of went into this lustful daze when I arrived in front of him, I wasn't quite sure what was happening since it felt surreal. Louis smiled that soft smile that I fell in love with all those years ago and all of my nerves just floated away.

I was completely dazed into his eyes, my mind was somewhere other than listening to the officiant. I only snapped back into reality when Louis began to speak.

vows.

_Louis's pov_

"I've never been the best at speeches, it was always Harry or Liam who did the award acceptance speeches," I took a breath while the guests laughed. "But this is one of the, if not the most important speeches of my life so, I'll try to not mess it up," I spoke, getting another chuckle from the people sat to the left of us.

"I've waited years for this day, bloody years," I took a pause. "I'd be lying if I said that I thought this day was off the table completely. When we were kids we were told that who we were was invalid and utterly stupid, we were, everyone saw it. We were just kids, we loved each other so what was there to lose? Everything, that's what we had to lose."

I saw Harry begin to tear up as I went on about childhood.

I quickly wiped a tear from my cheek, "I was riddled with threats, threats on myself, the boys, and Harry. I was so incredibly scared that something would happen to Harry that I took that pen as quick as I could just so I could take the 'loss of freedom' off the table for him. I signed the contract."

"I remember my mom telling me to follow my heart, that time would tell. I called her every night after the contract for about a month, she would tell me to make a wish, write it down, then burn it. She said that it worked for her when she was a kid and that she knew it would work for me. I wished for freedom every time, every bloody time," I choked out a weak chuckle. "She'd be so happy to know that that wish finally came true and I know she's waving her finger at me saying "Now what did I tell ya" I just know it."

"She loved Harry, maybe even sometimes more than I did," The guests sniffled before all chuckling. "I never stopped loving you though, how could I? You're all I could've ever ask for and though our years and years of hiding broke us apart for a short while, I don't think I would change anything, really."

The air was filled with rough sniffles and loud sobbing from the back row of people along with shutters of the photographers camera. Harry's eyes were fully glazed, it didn't even look like he could see.

I wanted to hug him so badly. The only thing that kept me from it was the the fact that I would be able to for the rest of out lives without any fear.

_Harry's pov_

And before I could even think, it was time for my vows. My shaky hands reached into my suit pocket and pulled out a neatly folded paper with ink riddled through the front and back.

"You see he's able to say all he needs from off the top of his head." I spoke to the guests which gained a chuckle.

I took a deep breath, "I think Louis and I were always going to be connected in some way and trust me, I know that sounds really weird," Everyone chuckled. "Louis is the type of person to not care what anyone says about him, he's always been like that. He has such a kind heart that he never believed that such hate could be dished to us as children."

"It was hard on me, on the both of us. The boys could see first hand what it was like to be gaslighted by someone who was supposed to be our "Mentor" and was viewed as only that by the public," I paused. "I remember the day that Louis was officially supposed to sign the contract, but at the time I didn't know it was truly a contract. I begged everyone to drive me to the offices but only Niall agreed."

"I stood outside that door jut hoping and praying that Louis would run into my arms and tell me that everything was alright, that _we_ would be alright. Instead, he walked out and didn't speak a word but the silence told me everything. I told him that I'd rescue him in sign language and for about 3 years, we probably only spoke a dozen times."

I took a deep breath and began again, "When we did start talking again it was slow paced but I was hopeful and grateful for the time that we would be able to sacrifice to be alone together. Louis sacrificed a lot for me and at the time I hated him for it but as time went on and my longing for him grew I realized that he did all of this for my safety. He sacrificed his freedom to give me mine and I will forever love for that."

"As I thought about it after the band broke up and we all went our separate ways I realized that Louis did that a lot. He saved me from doing and saying a lot of things. About a year or so ago I tried to kill myself and was almost successful but the universe brought Lou to me and he, as he did before, saved me."

"Our love was like a song, there was a hidden meaning wrapped into the chorus and verse, the bridge was our breaking point and the fade out is where we are today."

"I knew I always loved him and he knew that I'd always be waiting for him so with that, we were a perfect pair. Joanna always called me her son and Robin and my mum always called Lou his son so there was always this spoken existence that we were to be together for the rest of time. So here we are on this day, proving everyone who told us we'd never make it wrong."

I folded the now crinkled sheet of paper back up and shoved it into my coat pocket. As I looked to my sister and family my eyes trailed to the boys who were all teary eyed with huge smiles plastered on their faces.

"Louis, place the ring on Harry’s finger and repeat after me," The officiant spoke

"Harry Edward Styles, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge to love you today, tomorrow, always, and forever." He added

_"Harry Edward Styles, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge to love you today, tomorrow, always, and forever." I spoke with a vibrant smile as I slid the ring onto his finger._

"Harry, place the ring on Louis’s finger and repeat after me," 

"Louis William Tomlinson, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge to love you today, tomorrow, always, and forever." 

_"Louis William Tomlinson, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge to love you today, tomorrow, always, and forever." He spoke as a tear dripped down his cheek once again._

"Louis and Harry, before these witnesses you have pledged to be joined in marriage. You have sealed this pledge with your wedding rings. You may now seal this ceremony with a kiss."

And with that we kissed for the last time as just two boys in a band who went through hell and back, we were one.

The song ended.

_Our melody... was over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> el fin.
> 
> thank you to everyone who took the time to read this fic! I hope you enjoyed it and I thank all of you for being so patient with this last update.
> 
> bye for now :)
> 
> I love you <3


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